tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-39639604947258973092024-03-21T18:49:48.535-03:00Witch's ChamberWhere Magic meets ArtTesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03553515181327280184noreply@blogger.comBlogger116125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3963960494725897309.post-855669438567024012022-02-13T12:22:00.002-04:002022-02-13T12:22:35.431-04:00Anniversaries, Surviving and Saints<p>Good Morning Witches! </p><p>It is the eve of my anniversary with my old guy. It was many years ago, a lifetime now that he walked into my life. A great big ball of angry, betrayed and slightly broken from the chunks life and relationships had taken out of him, and I was in truly no better shape. We spent time together, mainly out of necessity at first, I worked there, it was his local....it blossomed into a friendship and late into the nights that I stood behind that bar we chatted about everything we had lived and all we still wanted from life....it grew quietly at first, I don't think either of us really noticed. One day it just roared, it was Valentine's day and when he asked the same question he had asked me before "are you ready?" I still chuckle now at the look on his face when I said yes, lol. </p><p>No rose colored glasses here, it took work, tears, smiles, heartbreak and mountains of love but we healed ourselves and each other. </p><p>Maybe it's the scales in me but I remember the past when I celebrate the present. This lifetime is built on the rubble of the first, I am a survivor of domestic violence. For those that have, or are living it, know;</p><p>It won't be easy</p><p>They are lying to you</p><p>I understand </p><p>I am here</p><p>Use your voice or keyboard, reach out for help safely, any way you can </p><p>You CAN do this </p><p>You can and will survive and thrive</p><p>You will find your way</p><p><br /></p><p>For me, we aren't going out, just a quiet dinner with the kids then at midnight, I am preparing witch's bottles. These are special ones in honor of St. Rita, the patron Saint of those in difficult, abusive relationships and marriages. I have been collecting the ingredients for a lifetime or two. </p><p>Yes, don't get your pants in a bunch, I am a pagan witch working with a Saint, it happens more than you think. The freedom of being a witch means, I have the freedom to choose how. </p><p>Blessings Witches, sending crooked smiles and buckets of love. </p><p><br /></p><p>Tess</p>Tesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03553515181327280184noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3963960494725897309.post-23806113118056843442021-03-20T02:42:00.001-03:002021-03-20T02:42:38.894-03:00As the Wheel Turns Magic GrowsAs the wheel turns once again, as this new day dawns it will be Spring, a time I look forward to every year....the Sun starts to warm up, and even on the last day of winter (yesterday) I put my first load of clothes out on the line....of course my black and white cosmic star dresses were out there, blowing in the warm wind while the snow lay melting on the grass below them. It was such a wonderful moment putting on a clean dress that smelled of the outdoors.....it was symbolic to me to wash away the dust of the Winter, and start Spring in the freshest of nightdresses. <div><br /></div><div>My mind is racing these days, not thinking but planning....oh so many dreams, now with the shop going I am constantly thinking of ways to bring everything a witch needs into it while still working within my limits, thankfully being a Libra I am good at the scales but the balancing act of possibilities and realities is quite the feat, makes me look like I am doing a cha-cha with two uneven broken heels, with some weaving and bobbing for good measure. No one ever said this was going to be easy, but definitely it will be worth it.....all this struggle, it will be worth it.....all this clawing up that steep hill will work.....I only have so much time.....ok, breathe and carry on....believe in my own magic.</div><div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6b4Wl5XsbamgtQY4OCpB4KE0rim6J3U3JYrvoALeynBCeYJ3CV6FKYy_JV4VVQWF0x42AWTX_uXDcc3IHPxqBWSqvQ4jBEl591H_gXBU8PemvxyddZvNBFO37RDwqUKdezUs8UaASJmOY/s826/believe+in+your+own+magic.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="726" data-original-width="826" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6b4Wl5XsbamgtQY4OCpB4KE0rim6J3U3JYrvoALeynBCeYJ3CV6FKYy_JV4VVQWF0x42AWTX_uXDcc3IHPxqBWSqvQ4jBEl591H_gXBU8PemvxyddZvNBFO37RDwqUKdezUs8UaASJmOY/s320/believe+in+your+own+magic.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div>There are moment in our lives that we know are crossroads, moments where what we do we know will reverberate through our whole entire lives not that every moment doesn't do that to a certain extent, but crossroads are different, they are massive moments that most times come disguised in the smallest packages....for me it was the offer of a job, one that she could not afford to pay me for....it was just a space in a tiny little room at the back of her store, and if I had a reading I paid her 1/4 of my fee for the space.....it was a leaping point, just like the Fool in the Tarot I was ready to take that leap, and I did....that was 30 years ago now.....long before you could find a tarot reader everywhere....we were few and far between in those days....and there I was jumping right in....I believed in magic then, but then I thought it was something that was separate from me, an energy I had to honour or serve, the concept that it lived within me was something so foreign for me...but this is what happens when you have the life I did....magic saved my life, being me, openly, unashamedly me saved my life and my soul.....and now here I find myself again, putting myself out there, facing the haters, the naysayers and the downright vile comments at times, and messages....but still I do it....if flatlining didn't stop me, then some internet trolls won't either, they are simply tiresome at times....but I have a dream, a plan and magic....so I rise. </div><div><br /></div><div>Anointing oils are coming to the <a href="https://witchschamber.com/collections" target="_blank">shop</a>, handmade incense sticks....books! oh so many books! tarot decks! and a whole line of candles.....magical tools for magical witches.....my dream, make sure that every witch finds their magic, and transforms their life by believing in that magic and knowing that it lives in them! It is them.</div><div><br /></div><div>And the wheel has turned.....do you feel the magic? I hope you do, I hope you let it rise and fill your veins, rise up and let it flow through your life.....magic never disappoints...it is a part of you.</div><div><br /></div><div>Back to tarot decks, dreams and plans....</div><div><br /></div><div>May this Spring wash away all that no longer serves, while ushering in new fresh beginnings filled with joy, peace, healing and abundance for us all.</div><div><br /></div><div>Blessings</div><div><br /></div><div>Tess </div>Tesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03553515181327280184noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3963960494725897309.post-71474948557991130562021-02-20T02:27:00.000-04:002021-02-20T02:27:45.582-04:00New Beginnings, Mercury Rx and Never giving up<p> My candle is slowly flickering, dying and the smell of wax fills the air here, a smell every witch knows, the petition is done, the flame is oscillating between a large,bright beacon and the little itty bitty, is it lit stage. I sit and gaze at the flame, it fights for one more moment of glory, fighting for life, for air.</p><p>The glow is warm, softening the edges of a life that has had many hard knocks.....age creeps up.....the eyes, although still intense, have a knowing glint that is hard to ignore....they have seen some crazy shit.....but now the lines, they are getting deeper around them, the track of the tears is now clearly marked by the Gods, in the age spots in the shape of a tear on my face.....there is no turning back the years, but really I wouldn't want to......I hear often that I am so strong....I don't really know if that is true, if it is being strong, or really just obstinate....refusal to give up runs in my blood, but that isn't strength for me...that is responsibility and love....I do what I do, I work the way I do and I never give up, because of love.</p><p>This has been a strange week for me, starting with our 25th anniversary, sadly my health didn't co-operate, the realities of disability make conventional celebrating impossible at times....so there was tea, our bed and snuggles....this retrograde has been difficult, stressful and even at times terrifying as our little shop went online....I know right? What was I thinking going live as Mercury was going retrograde.....well, if this was the first incarnation of my standalone site then yep, I would have rocks in my head....but nope this has to be the 6th or 7th incarnation of <a href="http://witchschamber.com" target="_blank">Witch's Chamber</a>, this time it works! It was a heartbreaking process for me in the past, even going so far once of paying someone - with money I so couldn't spare- only to have them ignore it until it had been 3 months and I ended the agony....now two years later here we are....there were many tears, anxiety bouts that were crippling at times, and a whole lot of borrowing from Peter to pay Paul to get it all to where it is today with stock, getting over the hurdle of admitting to myself that no I just cannot craft enough to support us, that was hard....but I didn't quit, I shook myself off, stood up and kept going and thankfully the gentleman I worked with was calm, understanding....and for once I used my voice calmly to admit that I could do no more at times, I needed time to let my brain catch up, for my own mental health....another thing this Mercury retrograde has given me, the truth of my mental health with its limitations without guilt or shame....now finally, it's done! The direction I took was no easy choice, there was much soul searching and honesty necessary, with myself....but I am happy with it.</p><p>The crackle of the flame is like a jolt, shaking out the cobwebs my libra brain likes to get caught in....someone told me as a child, you know those backdoor places....where the "curandera" lives....my dad took me....I never forget, she told me there was a bright light around me and that I just needed to keep going forward....it would be hard, but I was made strong.....at the time, I was happy about this...I was a child, now I know why my dad cried on the way home.</p><p>The flame has lost its battle, the altar is dark....for the moment....just like that altar it may dim for a moment, but there is always a spark to light a new candle...a new dream....hope</p><p>Blessings all</p><p>Tess</p>Tesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03553515181327280184noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3963960494725897309.post-43289247918841296472020-09-14T01:54:00.000-03:002020-09-14T01:54:19.822-03:00As My Wheel Turns<p> As I lay here tonight there's no sleep to be had no matter what I do it just won't come. This year has been so difficult for so many of us but yet we all carry on, but really what else are we supposed to do? Giving up is something I've never done, no matter how hard it is, my feet just keep moving forward on the road below me, even though I can't see it....my heart knows it's there.....with each step it materializes underneath me....or so I hope.</p><p>I imagine life back when I was a child, I never really thought it would be this way....but which of us really imagined life in a realistic way as a teenager? When young you think there is so much time to grow, learn and experience life....as each year passes you think there is an abundance of time to catch up to your dreams.....the years though, they fly by and before you realize a half century has passed....the kids have grown, some still love you and others, well, you are everything they love to hate....a sometimes unavoidable consequence of having children with people who end up being abusive and hateful themselves.....if only there were do-overs for the choices of our youth....of course that is not possible.</p><p>I find myself here as my 52nd birthday approaches...it's been an interesting life so far...there has been joy, happiness and much heartache.... A life filled with abuse, domestic violence, and things that can never be forgotten. So many years you would think that it would be easy to forget, but it isn't. In reality every moment of our Lives shapes every coming moment of our Lives... So while we may not carry the anger, the regret or the pain any longer, we will forever carry the experience.....in every cell of our being, the memory resides and when you're really lucky-insert sarcasm- the wonderful PTSD will remind you, over and over again.</p><p>Of course this is not to say that I have not had a good life, I have...I've had so much joy, I've had so much love. After my first incarnation in marriage, I swore I'd never do it again. I was convinced that there was no way that I was going to live under the thumb of any other man. What had started with so much love had ended so brutally that I was nowhere near thinking that there was ever going to be a way to find happiness with another man, hell with anybody man, woman didn't matter I was just done. Now as I lay next to my old guy I realize that if there was one thing I could change, it would be to go back to when I was 15 and to walk away from the first one. I would have waited to meet him, but but no matter how much I wish it's not a possibility...even after almost 24 yrs, I want more time, endless time with him...if I could turn back the clock, and relive the life that I wish I had done with him, I would...Oh how the choices would have been different..... It's funny I always think that I've let go of all of this, then this time of year comes...it starts to get cold, the leaves start to change...The familiar chill comes in the air and I know that it's not going to be long and my wheel of the year will turn... Maybe it's just the getting older, maybe it's the hindsight, I may never really know what it is but this time of year brings about the melancholy... </p><p>The feeling that there's there has to be more than this, there has to be more than the struggle...the struggle to be heard, to be seen, to be acknowledged...somehow when you're young you just think this shit will be all worked out by the time you're old.....then you get older and realize that age has nothing to do with having all your shit together... But maybe it's never really about having your shit together and it's more just about walking on, not giving up...Maybe it's just about trying to do better today than you did yesterday...</p><p>52, wow, there are more years behind me than there are ahead of me now...there are still so many things I don't know, and no matter how I try to convince myself there will be always things that I regret... But there are some things that I do know...I fought hard to break free...I scraped and clawed my way to me, and I like me...my babies, the best parts of my life, amazing humans that I love to the end of the galaxy and beyond, just for them it was all worth it....and call me stupid but I still believe that one day I won't struggle anymore...I will find the peace I so truly desire, birthing my art, crafting magic and making love to each day....then I realize I already have this now....just need to remember to tune out the noise.....haters gonna hate, no matter what I do, I will just need to remember to turn up the music more.</p><p>These are the musings that keep me up tonite, September, the turning of my wheel.....</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>Tesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03553515181327280184noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3963960494725897309.post-46341891795280875452020-03-25T11:45:00.001-03:002020-03-25T11:53:53.346-03:00Hunker down and BreatheTo say that life has changed for us would be an understatement....and to say that us is just my family would be another massive understatement! Life has changed for pretty much every single one of us on the planet right now....and if it hasn't, then WTF is wrong with you? 2020 came in like a diseased lion and we are all feeling it.<br />
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Some of us like me are on self isolation, others on forced quarantine and many others sadly have left us and fallen to this current virus that is sweeping the world...this is scary shit, this is one of those moments we have heard about in history class, you know where we heard about all those people dying....thousands and thousands of people....this is that time for us......for those that don't believe this is actually happening, please do tell me how do you explain the virtual death toll tickers? please don't! each morning I wake up and look at that ticker and send a prayer for all the souls that have left us.....these are sad times....<br />
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I wish I knew what to say to make this better, but I don't think there is a way to do that right now...all there is the truth that this moment will change lives. Anyone that thinks that things will look the same when this is over is deluding themselves....no matter what things will be different...there cannot be so much death around the world and it not affect you even in the furthest corner of the world, it will affect you.....breathe, take that in.....and then get ready to get on with it....if you are like me you can't stop there, you can't just sit and think of this over and over, it will eat you alive....so like I said take it in....accept that this is happening around you and you cannot change a thing.....breathe......realize that it is happening to every single person you know too....every single person around you....every single person that you don't know too....in that hugeness and immense reality is the grain of peace that I found for my myself...everyone is coming from the same place right now, feeling the same things, same fears, same realities, same challenges.....we are truly in this together.<br />
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We are watching governments working together, albeit somewhat begrudgingly but they are doing it....aid packages are coming....even though many wonder - me included - if they will come in time to help or not...it gets dicey when you live as a low income family with chronic illness...asthmatics, compromised immune systems, brain tumour, diabetes and heart disease and the aged....ding ding ding all in this house.....so many of you out there with us in this boat right now. Breathe, keep going and find something to keep your mind occupied...learn a new skill, take a class online....remember to breathe.....reach out to others....there are so many wonderful offerings on Facebook and other social media platforms for things like virtual meditation, paint parties, coffee with friends and so much more that are all free...use them, join them, make connections with people...Udemy has classes and like them, there are other platforms that do the same....personally I am thinking of how to start a live video to interact with all of you....what shall I discuss? what would you like me to tackle? let me know, it might help it happen faster!<br />
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I know I haven't really given you anything to help here, no big words of spiritual advice, more of a practical approach and probably not one you haven't heard anywhere else, countless times....all I am doing is showing you I am there with you, working through my own mental health, lack and isolation....this shit is hard, I know....I feel you, I understand and I am here with you....feeling all the same things and these are the methods I am using to quell the fears that keep cropping up as each due date creeps up....you are not alone....breathe.....nothing you do right now is going to change the course of the next couple of months, other than staying put, practice physical distancing.....enjoy the time with your family.....and when the worry about how to keep food on the table creeps in....stop, breathe....start again.....you will make it through.<br />
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Hunker down<br />
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Meditate - if you can<br />
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Light your candles - if you do<br />
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Reach out when you need to<br />
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Be patient with people....we are all in the same boat<br />
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Remember to Breathe<br />
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Sending love, blessings and crooked smiles<br />
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<br />Tesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03553515181327280184noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3963960494725897309.post-9455103899561390612020-03-03T11:33:00.003-04:002020-03-03T11:33:26.818-04:00As Spring approachesAs spring comes near the Sun starts warming up everything around us, the days grow longer as I look out my window and smile...things are good, I mean they are crazy in so many ways but they are good too, you know? My life has never been easy not since the first damn breath when it was almost my last.....but yet here I am 51, still going, still fighting, still surviving and most importantly still thriving.<br />
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I do not wake up each day expecting roses and sunshine, no far from it....I wake up every day groggy and shaky, that is just the nature of the beast we call chronic illness, mornings are not so good....it takes time for me to build up that cortisol, but once its going I am grooving! There is always much to do around here, its a full day every day! That for the last almost year have overwhelmed me until I felt like I could do it no more....fast forward to today and here I am sitting munching on some stinky cheese and flax seed biscuits, sipping my tea and writing while appreciating my life, the good, the bad and the ugly...no my problems did not magically disappear, no void opened in the atmosphere and sucked all the oppressors in....nope didn't happen that way....what did happen was a new protocol.<br />
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Yes I know I have tried many others, some have worked well enough to keep me here, but I needed more, a more balanced and thorough approach. Luckily for me an amazing herbalist came into my life, by chance or by magic, it happened. A caring, kind, beautiful and very knowledgeable herbalist just happened to land in my life....just when I needed her most. The backslide into full on relapse for me started sometime in the summer....I spent most of it ill, barely being able to make it to weekly markets with just a few events thrown in, not enough to make a difference but enough to make me slide deeper into that agony I know so well....my writing stopped, my wire wrapping suffered and finally I found myself at the beginning of this year in a deep depression after the assault....I was lost in some space that was endless and deep let me tell you! even though I could see logically there were plenty of reasons to feel this way....I mean come on?!? look at it all clearly, my illness, my CPTSD, the flood, the assault.....add to that all the stuff going on with my family of course I was down deep in those dumps, as more just was dumped on me daily.....it was a never ending cycle that I found myself in.....I was functioning but not thriving, just barely surviving inside while I depleted everything giving to everyone else....it had to stop before I was lost for good.<br />
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Enter Correne from <a href="https://spiraeaherbs.ca/" target="_blank">Spiraea Herbal Clinic + Apothecary</a> , and yes she has a Facebook page, it is available <a href="https://www.facebook.com/spiraeaherbs/" target="_blank">here</a>....follow her! trust me! she gives lots of info and teaches so much through her blog and page! it is worth it to anyone that wants to learn about the language of plants, she is fluent! Although through the months I have developed a personal relationship with her, seeing her in her herbalist capacity well, this was a totally different thing. I arranged to have a consultation with her, and when I went to it I wasn't totally sure what to expect since for me it was really the first time I have gone to a herbalist that actually made the tincture themselves....normally and in my experience with the Naturopaths it was something that they prescribed to me, but did not make themselves. This was different, but different is a welcome thing for me. As I sat there and opened up, of course I cried but yet I felt completely heard, about every aspect of my health, it all contributes to the whole. She spent at least and hour and a half going through every part of my day, what and how my body acts and reacts...how I felt inside, how I see things and how I would like to be, what I see for myself in my healing plan....I felt heard y'all! Can you believe it?<br />
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Now here I sit a week later, a whole week, shockingly it seems like it was a month ago for the amount of progress I feel....I have a different overall feeling, I mean the oppressors are all still there, the negative people have not disappeared, they are all still there with their downtrodden attitudes....that is not going to change any time soon but I have changed.....I did not notice at first how well this was working but here, today, I just stood my ground before writing this and left a discussion with my own heart intact and did not allow the ugliness of another to penetrate. I had already sat down to write and had thought that was now not going to happen, but nope, here I am clicking on these keys! I love to write and have felt so stifled not to lay down words and suddenly it feels like they are flowing again....my feeling of being overwhelmed, struggling under the strain seems to have left me. This is a wonderful thing!<br />
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Now I am not stupid and have been down the road of feeling better before, I know its not a one tincture kinda thing, its a lifelong commitment to fighting this chronic disease day after day, but it sure feels a helluva lot better to feel supported and listened to as I fight it, not to mention that the physical symptoms of it seem to be getting hit back too! I slept last night and for the first time in a long time, I did not wake up tired even though it was so late when I went to sleep and this I credit to her spring collection, the <span style="background-color: white; color: #5a5a5a; font-family: "Coming Soon", cursive; font-size: 18px;">IĆ°unna Collection </span>and my tinctures in combination broke through it all, so many changes in my outlook and my heart....then we have my WIRE!!! I crafted new pieces with my wire, all new, a beautiful Amethyst floating heart pendant....I feet like my wire and I have finally made up! Yes my hand still hurts from the assault, well one finger, but its an important one when wrapping! but yet I did it and these are the things that make me happy. Every damn day....never giving up, back to thriving.<br />
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Feeling centered and filled with sunshine, even though the problems are still there, even though I still have to figure out how to keep going in practical terms there is a lightness and hope that was lost under that big cloud that was hanging over me.<br />
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I am ready for the next phase of this healing! so lets bring it on!<br />
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Blessings of the coming spring to you!Tesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03553515181327280184noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3963960494725897309.post-56228457076008929002019-10-03T01:38:00.000-03:002019-10-03T01:38:16.492-03:00Descent, Shame and letting goIn the last few months as my birthday approached as I have in other years I felt a strong need to reflect on all that I have lived and experienced....as usual it led to deeper realizations, as I know that each trip around the Sun brings new truths from old hurts and wounds I was expecting this...what I wasn't expecting was for it to reach into my heart and make me feel it all again!<br />
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Maybe its the writing; I told myself as I continued to work on book 2, maybe its the reliving of every moment of blood on my lips....or the countless containers of concealer that I used to keep on my dresser that are no longer there, now replaced with Yemaya's altar.....maybe its the bruises that never healed...the ones seared on my heart. Whatever it was this birthday, was a hard one....I had expected last year to be this but it wasn't, it should have been being that it was my 50th, but instead this one dropped me to the floor.....part of me wants to write this uplifting part right here, that says I found my perspective and rose above it all, but truth is I didn't....rather I found that while there is no anger anymore, while there is no regret left....there is a sadness that so many years were wasted in pursuit of a life that was never meant to be mine and all that remains of it is shame.....because that is what girl's like me get as their take away prize from abusive marriages...shame and blame.<br />
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I was the girl that got married at barely 17, no I wasn't pregnant...I was searching for love, for autonomy...for freedom from the oppressive reality of living within an immigrant family in the 70's in downtown Toronto....I went from under the thumb of my parents to under the thumb of a husband that while I loved him, knew nothing about how to love me back without anger, abuse and possession. I was a child playing adult games, there was no way I was going to make it through that unscathed. I was already bringing my own scars to this dance....baring them to what I thought was a man that would stand by me till the end of our lives....pretty naive of me, and doomed to failure....I was wrong then, and for years after that day I continued to be wrong, to give up on me, to care more about the superficial parts of life....my hair, my clothes, my nails....I shake my head now and wonder who that girl was....how were my priorities so different than today?<br />
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It is as if I have lived two lives all this time....two distinct incantations....each with its own merits and disappointments......I look back and I don't even recognize that girl....even though I still live with many of her original aggressors and issues, who I was is not who I am now.....whether that makes much of a difference or not to so many that still live within those boundaries set long ago, the truth is the truth.....we either grow and move forward or we stay stagnant.....for me it is obvious what I chose; it brought all the opposition for me, and the ugliness I have fought back from; while archaic in a cultural sense to most, it has been a very real presence in my life......victim blaming is a real thing! Just smile and everyone will love you, just hide the bruise and everyone will love you.....just pretend it didn't happen....he is sorry so you should forgive him.....it is your duty to stay married to him.....fuck that noise.....yep fuck that.<br />
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My name is Tess, I am 51. I am a domestic assault and sexual assault survivor. I have issues with CPTSD, Lyme Disease and a whole host of other things that fall under that heading. I still am shamed almost on a daily basis and victim blamed, even though it gets me down at times I keep going. You can too. It won't be easy...people will disappoint you, it is the nature of the beast...some days it will feel like trudging through quicksand wearing fireman's boots that are ten sizes too big....I won't lie to you and tell you that its all roses and unicorns, it is not....there are years of healing ahead of you, you will feel alone at times...you will feel lonely, which is totally different than feeling alone....and yes you will feel like giving up...don't.....Don't....DON'T!<br />
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Stop living for the big things and start to take pleasure in the little ones....the moments of the Sun rising and seeing the dew glistening on the grass....the butterfly that flits through your life and the quiet and realizing you don't have to look behind you anymore and wonder what is next. Like me there are so many more survivors out there, there is not one part of me that feels that experiencing this life makes me somehow more deserving of good things, I just believe that we all deserve good things.....I have a dream of a day where I don't need to worry anymore, that I can finally breathe and see that all our needs; physical,emotional and financial are all taken care of, that I managed to support my family in spite of my emotional and physical disabilities. Someday it will come, I am sure of it.<br />
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Every year as Descent approaches with the darker half of the year, I plan what I will take with me down into Cerridwen's Cauldron...this year it is the shame; for marrying him....for making the wrong choices....for not leaving sooner....for not being the mother that I should have been....for not loving myself enough to know I deserved better.....the sadness of feeling that I wasted so many years of my life hoping against hope that tomorrow would be different....knowing full well that the only way it would be different is if I CHANGED it...not him....Me....the past dies a little more each day as I reclaim another part of me that has been in hiding.....25 years later and I still work through it, so be gentle with yourself, it takes the time it takes....remember the way through is not straight but actually a spiral and we keep going back to the center as we experience things through different eyes each time.....like me on my 51st birthday, facing my oppressors and seeing it from the inside all over again....it happens.....now into the cauldron I go...shed the skins I no longer need....and come out a stronger version of me.<br />
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May peace, stability, love and abundance find us all.<br />
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<br />Tesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03553515181327280184noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3963960494725897309.post-23543397054745351172019-08-15T09:32:00.000-03:002019-08-16T01:04:53.616-03:00Full Moons, Earth Angels and GratitudeI have found my peace, late at night....once everyone is asleep, there is a stillness that comes over the house, there is a silence that can only be heard then....in the dark, sitting outside on my swing I watched last night as the Moon filled...silently breathing in the energy of her white light, as the voices of the neighbours could be heard in the distance....laughing, and chatting to each other, probably enjoying the Silvery Moon rays as I was.....the weather has turned at night now and it is cool, fallish....if you allow yourself to forget you would swear it is closer to Samhain than it is....or maybe that is wishful thinking from a witch that feels most whole around that turn of the Wheel...either way it is encouraging to feel the vibration of it around the corner. It is always an interesting time here for me....here in this place where I spent the majority of my childhood....my second home, next to being in the city this was it....this was the place of freedom.....<br />
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In the city there was always something to be wary of, especially being a child that was lost and searching most of her life....sometimes what I found was not always beneficial at best and terrifying at worst....but here in this place it was safe...there was family everywhere, literally in each house....there was grass and not concrete....there was the lake...the garden....and most of all it meant freedom....I ran these roads every single day I could....had my own flashlight for the night, spent at either my home or the home of an uncle.....there were late nights, laughs, so so many laughs....and there were what I never realized as a child.....my Earth Angels were here.....now I sit on my swing and watch their ghosts walk the same street on their way down to the lake....around Samhain they are usually all here together.....this Moon, the Sturgeon Moon seems to intensify this feeling of ghosts almost as much....maybe its the time of year, maybe its the lake that shares the same name as the Moon, maybe its the days we have had lately....whatever it is the effect is undeniable.....and I woke up this morning with a tremendous sense of gratitude.<br />
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I am so thankful and grateful to the Earth Angels that took the bitterness out of my life....it's been a hard one, for many many reasons....some emotional....some physical....and others well, we all know my health.....from the beginning, from birth...its been hard. Bitterness almost seems like the only answer, the only way that I could possibly end up, having swallowed so much vile, vinegar laced life experiences....but no....all along the way there were people...some family, some not...but all angels...each one came at a time that I needed them most....lifted me up and helped me on my way....some stayed, some left, but all left their mark of kindness on my heart....taught me compassion, for myself and for others....they made mistakes, they taught me I would make my own, that is how we learn....no one comes into this world with a map of every step they should ever take...no we all come here and figure it out as we go....some are lucky and have supportive families, others well we fend for ourselves and figure it out as we go, even though we are part of huge families....family does not always mean love, at least not in the conventional meaning of the word family....we learn that along the way...I learned along the way....my family is those that have dirty knees too, not because they were on their knees for themselves, no....because they were down there helping me up when I fell....and I am there when they fall....those are my family, not decreed by blood, but chosen by heart.<br />
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These were the conversations today in my home, as we sipped our coffee and prepared for the day, and the gorgeous Sturgeon Moon was still filling outside...it filled us all with a lazy, get started slowly kind of feeling....as a feeling of nostalgia washed over us as we talked about those same ghosts and Earth Angels....many times they saved my life....many times they didn't even know they were doing that....Now at almost 51, yes next month! I look back so fondly on all them...I share the stories with my children of their acts of kindness...of their love, that they so generously shared with me....teaching me how to love myself and in turn love my own when they came to be...there is a certain peace found in yourself when you realize all these things....that is where I find myself today....at peace....I have known great love in my life, of all kinds....I am lucky and grateful for that, to everyone that has touched my life along the way to here....may I have the same impact in theirs and yours, should you need me I am here.<br />
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My wish to all of you today, may you find the peace you seek....may your life be filled with Earth Angels....and may you continue in their path and be one yourself.<br />
So mote it be<br />
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Blessed Full Moon Witches!<br />
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Tess<br />
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<br />Tesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03553515181327280184noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3963960494725897309.post-85243852751187177742019-07-30T14:54:00.002-03:002019-07-30T14:54:46.846-03:00Dark Moon turned BlackIt is the <span style="font-family: inherit;">D</span>ark Moon, my absolute favourite time of the month, although today I am a tad slow at getting going, new treatment last night knocked me on my ass! I have also been putting off writing this since last night, so that I could fully process the entire breadth of the last few weeks, so many things have happened that definitely today is a time to throw it all into my cauldron with a lovely black candle to melt all that does not serve away. I was going to call it ugliness, but some of it truly wasn't....there were great shining moments this last month as well, there really were!<br />
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We all know this has been a difficult time, many of us have felt it...with Mercury in retrograde we have all had multiple challenges in our lives whether with electronics, vehicles or relationships it has all been there, like sludging through quick sand at times. I have heard all of you as you reached out to share, I am glad it goes direct again tomorrow, please let go of the idea its the 2nd of August that it goes direct, its not it is tomorrow July 31st....though you have to laugh, good ole Mercury sending mixed signals, who would have thought it lol....so now that we know it is going direct Wednesday we can all exhale a combined sigh of relief. Remember though when it stations and changes direction, it intensifies for that moment so be ready!<br />
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The last five days for me have been tremendous as well, filled with new connections and venues to explore, vending twice in one week! unheard of for me but I did it this weekend. After meeting a wonderful new friend at the market last Friday. I really enjoyed the market last Friday not just because of the new vending event but because it was so wonderful to speak to someone that feels much of the same way as I do about life....someone who didn't shy away from the Witch but came up directly and shook my hand. At times it is difficult for me to live in this area with my own circle almost 3 hours away, it gets lonely on a physical level. You can imagine I was well pleased to meet someone so open and warm. It was great, and we took her advice and we went to the Bobcaygeon Psychic Fair on Sunday.<br />
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To be clear I loved it, it was wonderful... and we met so many new people, made connections and saw some friends there that made the day a great event for me....of course I counselled some, I encouraged others and dispelled some myths as well about Voodoo, Dark magic and light magic....suffice to say there is no color in magic, there is intent! As well if someone tells you that you have an evil spirit on you and you need to pay some exorbitant amount to clear yourself, take my advice run away! they are not a true practitioner fo anything, more of a con.....all pretty regular fare for these events and then just before it ended as my husband and I sat there we noticed an acquaintance we know from our town...shocking that he was there as he is a devout evangelical Christian...but ok, being an interfaith minister means I do not judge anyone for their spiritual path....wish I was given the same respect though...sadly what had been a glorious day turned dark quickly when he felt the need to ask me why the witchcraft....I am me, simply stated I am a witch, I am happily a witch and no I do not require saving of my soul....Jesus and I, we are ok, we are great in fact...but his followers really that is a whole other story....just as this person proved, as he told me I was going to go to hell....not to mention that I will lose my mind before I go, as others he wanted to tell me about....that Satan is around me and trying to take me to the dark side....it was sad....my old guy was overwhelmed with it, he had to walk away and I was left to try to explain it all to this man, who I know thought he was doing something good, when in reality he placed himself at a venue that was set up for all of us witches, psychics and healers to enjoy and share our wares and energy and tried to shove his beliefs at us all....he told me at the end he was there specifically to save souls....I had to tell him I did not require saving of mine....odds are he won't speak to us again when he sees us, but I just can't get over his incredulity that I had to be Christian because in our previous conversations he believed I was...he quoted the bible at me...I know the bible, I can quote it too...it is a great book, that has been horribly manipulated....so what exactly does that say about me? in the end he told me that Jesus could not possibly accept me as I am...I wished him well and reiterated I am a Proudly Pagan witch...he left disappointed, convinced my soul is damned.....maybe someday he will realize that your choice of what you call God does not exactly make you a good person, that comes from inside.....not from a book...a church....or even a God....that comes from your own heart....do you think they will ever understand?<br />
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Today as I said, I am a little slow getting started, with Lyme disease the New Moons are also a cycle for parasitic infection load, so I am dealing with that as well today as tomorrows New Moon looms ever closer, but I am up, I am writing and I am releasing....throwing all this and more into the cauldron....I am used to this kind of thing even if my husband is not, but it does not mean I should ever accept it, or even worse bow down to it....there is no freedom in hiding who we are or pretending to be something else to placate the feelings or fears of others.....and with Lyme kicking my ass at different times I have even less patience for it than usual! so the moral to this whole story is you will be questioned, you will be pushed and cajoled, it is up to you to decide who you really are and what or who you worship....don't let those that don't understand take you off your path, no matter what that path is, spirituality is individual and not for others to choose for us, no matter who they are.<br />
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My black candle is lit...blessed...anointed....and burning.....my blades are out and I will be cutting and throwing it all into that cracked cauldron of mine....I am clearing and releasing it all.....are you ready to do it too?<br />
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<br />Tesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03553515181327280184noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3963960494725897309.post-59800024466420984232019-07-25T10:21:00.001-03:002019-07-25T10:22:29.218-03:00Healing Candle Circle CallI am a firm believer that we all have a level of pressure we can take before the valve goes off, and we have to let it all go....for me it was this week....not that it hasn't happened before, of course it has....I am alive, I am a human and of course my life has a cycle of pressure and release....I have always been first to defend anyone I feel is getting an unfair shake, but when it comes to me I seem to have a longer fuse especially if I care about the offender.....yup...but this week yes the pressure valve went, I let it all out....years, months and days of it...a cycle ended for me with the last blog....and I have spent the last two days allowing the pressure to vent itself through me....such a huge tremendous amount of pressure. We all have our ways to let go and work our feelings out, mine is to write and craft.<br />
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For just over two years, I could not do that, I could not share and I could not write,and I barely crafted...but the worst part was the connections I could not keep going, not being able to share meant so much more than just on a public level....on a personal level I just had no energy to do that....I am currently working on fixing that, sending love like always but now I am reaching out more...daily I try a little more....I am far from a perfect anything, but that would be boring I guess and I wouldn't learn so much on this path of life. While working all this out after the valve blow, the healing ushered itself right in....yesterday, when that moment came, as it came the candle on Yemaya's altar took its last gleam for the night....I knew then what was needed, like a message written in neon all over the candle holder, it was like the altar was glowing still....</div>
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So today, as I sort out the altar, I wash my candle holder and prepare a new candle to go in it, I call out to all of you as I light my candle on the altar, may you all feel the healing and loving waves I send out to you all. This candle today, is for all of us, may it burn away all that we need and may its rays usher in all we want and need in our lives....bearing in mind what we need is not always what we want, but may it be the best possible result.</div>
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Remember that life is always going to have moments, even for the most spiritual of us, there is always a moment when we feel that pressure...find your own pressure valve in those moments and let it off, don't hurt others in your release, it won't help you in the long run, but there is nothing that says you can't send back all that is sent to you.....a simple mirror spell will work for that, especially under the coming Black Moon on July 31st......but again I digress, that is a subject for another blog. Today it is about ushering in healing ahead of that same Moon.....beautiful blue waves of healing I send to you, from my altar to your life.</div>
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Blessings all! Thank you for always being there for my moments and holding me up through them, for being here, for reading my words and for posting your support all over the Facebook page.....I appreciate each and every one of you and send crooked smiles!</div>
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Tess</div>
Tesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03553515181327280184noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3963960494725897309.post-89274513468619378622019-07-23T11:57:00.000-03:002019-07-23T12:00:47.046-03:00Fear, Envy and My Ultimate DefianceI have been staring at the blank screen for so much time now, writing a bit, then deleting it...so much to say, but overwhelmed with it all....things are tough....so much has happened since the last blog....no not in the amount of things but just in the intensity of things.....first my Jelly Bean had a seizure....that was fucking terrifying! And I wasn't even there, her mum was and that call from my daughter was paralyzing! for a moment I could not breathe! the air was suspended around me and everything was in slow motion....as everyone in the room kept asking me why the tears were rolling down my face, my throat was paralyzed, stuck, my mouth could not put together words.....then the shakes.....yes she is fine now, but me, well I think I am still recovering from that fear! As I am sure her parents are too....life can change in an instant!<br />
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I wish I could say that was all but it isn't of course, such is my life, I swear the Gods gave me broad shoulders for this very reason....and yes I realize it is not all about me, but at the end of the day this is me discussing how this all affects me, simple thing really that people seem to be afraid to do these days...afraid to be thought of as possibly narcissistic, unbalanced, fatalistic and Gods know what else people can come up with to say to those that reach out in times of tremendous pressure in their lives.....fuck it....here it is.....my husband has hurt his shoulder and right side of his body, lifting something he really should not have been lifting by himself....my son is on antibiotics for 28 days because of TWO not one but TWO tick bites, which is making him ill physically.....I have shingles again, severely, and then there's the Lyme....and yes I am tired..... wouldn't you be?<br />
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How do you keep going in all this? I heard this question the other night, when speaking to a friend....do I have a choice? not really, all the other options are bad! What do I do? do I let it all go once again and lay down and simply say well I am too sick to do anything? no I can't do that....so I craft...thankfully the Gods have my back and the energies of the wire call, the wands, the altar boxes and even my book all called and kept me going....I never know what I will craft, just like when this month started I had no idea I would publish my book, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/dp/1079311564/ref=sr_1_2?keywords=the+cracked+cauldron&qid=1562864631&s=gateway&sr=8-2&fbclid=IwAR3vWtzj5JYA7NzUy0yDmGboLyUlh7vjWJS0BN3lE-Ag0C9R5_W10Ef4NBU" target="_blank">The Cracked Cauldron, A book of Spells</a>....then it all just happened in a rush, boom, done, and on the 7th anniversary of my pledge to Yemaya ~thank you facebook memories for showing me the synchronicity of the energy I felt and my promise after the fact! Thank you Yemaya! This Mercury Retrograde has been hard in a personal sense, but in a professional sense it has been wonderful, with growth jumping to the forefront. <a href="https://www.etsy.com/ca/shop/WitchsChamber" target="_blank">My shop</a> is back and I am hoping soon to be back to its former glory, yes of course I am talking about sales....I have long given up this notion that I should pretend not to care about sales, of course I care, and so does every other shop owner out there, no matter how much they try to act like they don't....I care because that is how I provide for my family, that is how I keep myself online to blog....to write.....to craft....and definitely to maintain my page and free readings on <a href="http://www.facebook.com/WitchsChamber" target="_blank">Witch's Chamber</a> on Facebook....without those sales, well, I could not simply afford to be here....nothing to be ashamed of, just reality.....this is mine....money is always an issue, not surprising when you have a Chronic illness, but still people will try to use that to minimize you, shame you, and keep you in your supposed place.....have at it, that shit don't work on me....but the haters still try....and will forever, cause that is what haters do! they hate on you and all you do or achieve, it just is what it is.....in my life and with what I have lived through, I have become used to it....sad but true.<br />
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I realized this as I was sitting down to write the second installment of the The Cracked Cauldron, as I poured over my life, I saw this trend through and through my life....there is a tendency for those that are jealous for one reason or another to send ugliness and envy my way....its a reality that goes all the way back to my childhood days....it is just the way it has always been, and mainly from women....no matter how close they are to me, or what their relationship is or was, the green monster comes out in them and boom, then I am the evil one, the bad one and the one that causes all their issues....so it occurs to me that every one of us has a constant lesson to deal with, mine is jealousy and envy which breeds enemies. Now that I know, now that I see it all clearly......I arm myself with my own truth.....I hold up my mirror and say ok, you sent it....you got it now.....and yes of course blame me for the curse you sent yourself....go right ahead, yea that will help.<br />
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So you see? there has been so much going on over here quietly, behind the curtain of Witch's Chamber....alignments that needed to happen, issues with health, and life...and truths, they keep coming as I write....the more that come, the more I welcome.....as I keep twisting my wire, and crafting the energy of the Gods in physical form....that's right I said that, and I own it...Defiantly so!....and now you are all caught up!<br />
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Blessings all! when life gets hard, look at it head on! and then make it work for you too!<br />
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Tess<br />
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<br />Tesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03553515181327280184noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3963960494725897309.post-77758728427303920742019-07-13T02:16:00.000-03:002019-07-13T02:46:45.863-03:00Believe In Your Own MagicIn the still of the night, while everyone else is asleep, even the furry boys, I sit by the light of candles lit on all the altars, absorbing the glow....going over the last couple of weeks in my life. There has been so much change....like tiny explosions that set off a massive blow out....my book <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Cracked-Cauldron-book-Spells/dp/1079311564/ref=sr_1_2?keywords=the+cracked+cauldron&qid=1562995258&s=gateway&sr=8-2" target="_blank">The Cracked Cauldron</a> took form and was published yesterday!......no matter what my life will never be the same<br />
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I write, it's what I do...I have written since I was a child....my first little book, shockingly was about two sisters....twins, separated at birth, and their struggle to find each other....I was 10...it took me a few years to finish it....then given to someone to read and never to be thought of again....somehow all these years later, the hardest, terrifying, exhilarating moment was in pushing that publish button. Yes I know I blog, I put myself out there more than once for all to see, here in a blog...somehow the book is different, like another layer of vulnerability that was revealed....out there for all who want to enjoy it, soak it up, dance with me or who want to trash it....yes we all know there are always haters, yes I know why give them energy? well maybe I am not of the same bent that believes that when we talk about them we give them power, I am more of the frame of mind that if we rip that fucking bandaid off we cause the healing to begin and disarm them.....bacteria likes to grow in warm dark places, and haters are a bit like bacteria wouldn't you say? Left to breed on their own they will grow to massive sizes and take over all you love and care for.....your body, your brain, your heart and your life....naw fuck that.....haters.....yep let's be clear, I know, I know, you want to trash it....you don't like it...who do I think I am writing a damn book? yea yea yea....<br />
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I am me, and I came up with this concept in my life a while ago....I refuse to accept limiting beliefs....I refuse to accept anyone else's idea of what my life should look like...I refuse to accept how I should witch.....I refuse to accept anyone's idea of what a fulfilling and worthy life is.....I simply refuse....truth is no matter what you do in your life, haters are gonna hate.....nothing too pretty or eloquent about it, its just people stuck in their heads that have their own limiting behaviours that they cannot see...their own poison infecting them from the inside.....being a witch is about your heart and what it beats for, not so much how it appears for others....fancy names....and all the tools in the world will make no one a better witch than anyone else.<br />
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So I spend my time calling that shit out, I believe there is room for all of us, that there is no reason that anyone needs to be superior to another, or that there is ever a reason to belittle someone else's way of witching. Whether they have to take medication, suffer with anxiety, PTSD, health issues, not ever does any of these things make me think less of another human, these are struggles we all have to a certain degree.....and even when you deny that you have any of these problems to the world, when the lights go out at the end of the day we all know what is in our own minds and hearts.....life takes enough out of us already with the day to day struggle of keeping everything on track so why would we want to complicate matters with envious and limiting thoughts for others? Have you thought about that mirror that's pointing back at you?<br />
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In my life I knew someone that constantly pointed the finger at others, always pointing out what they felt to be weakness' , shame and ugliness in others....never realizing in their minds that it was their own they were seeing.....what a way to live....I would not want it for the life of me, Gossip, bad feelings and whispers about others only breeds negativity in your own life....the Universe hears your thoughts and if they are filled with that, as the Law of Attraction states you will draw it to yourself.....starting to see a pattern? The more you put others down, the lower you will go....be it about magic, life, dating, finances, does not matter, the truth is the truth.....that which you judge so shall you face......and remember it is you inviting the energy in....enjoy what you have created, while I stand over here with my glass of wine by candlelight.......mirrors and candles at the ready........<br />
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Yesterday I celebrated, after I did that I sat at my computer and looked for the first time in a long time at the memories for July 11th, the memories in my life for July are not good, my death, my ex, all things I like to forget......but that all changed yesterday when to my surprise it was exactly 7 years ago yesterday that I set up my current altar to Yemaya, with the lovely Spirit doll crafted for me and sent as a surprise from a sister....I was so happily surprised to see that....on the day that my paperback published with Yemaya on the cover and all through the pages went live....I did not plan it, it just happened that way....I didn't even know it had been 7 years until after it all happened and then the reality of it was a moment of validation for me....I promised her I would raise her name, and I feel I delivered on the anniversary of my dedication to her fully, in case you didn't know Yemaya's number is 7....if that does not feel like the completion of a cycle then I don't know what does......now to keep raising her name...my promise is not over, it will never end until the day I draw my last breath and then my spirit will raise her name from the other side.....<br />
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Yemaya....She who saved me.....I have never been more complete than when in service to her.<br />
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With back up like that, of course I call out the haters, the pretenders and the crap.......this here is about living in the realness of being who you are authentically....She would have it no other way.....<br />
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So if you want to witch too, then do it, whether you have to take your meds to do it, use a cane, or dance from the confines of your wheelchair, let your heart dance daily with your energy and believe in your own magic....it is there, no matter how many have told you its not you know better.....reach for what makes you whole, for me it was Yemaya, a piece that missing within me was filled the day I put her Spirit doll on my altar.....I know if you spend some time feeling your own heart you will find your way too.....no more limiting or diminishing thoughts!<br />
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Three guidelines only to this.....do not hurt innocents......don't hurt yourself.....and what you send out will come back to you, so make it good......<br />
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Now go witch! fuck the haters, dance around them as you twirl away happy within your own circles!<br />
<br />Tesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03553515181327280184noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3963960494725897309.post-83187891141240340512019-07-01T09:43:00.003-03:002019-07-01T09:43:49.344-03:00Blessed be the Dark MoonIt is that time of the month that I look forward to the most. That's right, for this witch it is not the Full Moon or the New Moon that excites me it is the Dark Moon, not very surprising if you know me, I have always been more drawn to the dark than anything else. Besides the fact that I think most people don't understand how wonderful the Dark Moon really is, it is also a perfect energetic time to rid ourselves of those energies we no longer need or want, that does which no longer serves has no place staying around....don't you agree? why would we want to keep such things around us? and as witches we should know the best times of the month to rid ourselves of these unwanted energy right? well for me that time is the Dark Moon.<br />
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Let's start with what the Dark Moon really represents.....how many have worked with this Moon? When I first started this walk with the Moon so many years ago, I was one that watched the energies around me swirl with the changes to the Moon...the Full Moon brought huge changes, energies aligned, spells completed and things moved forward under the Full stage....the New Moon brought exactly that, new beginnings, do overs, starting fresh and hope...and then there was the lead up to the New stage, the Dark just before the New Moon rose...a time where it seemed to me that the most shocking things happened, and where it was not uncommon for me to see people and situations take a more edgy turn even at times more violent turns....confrontations, shocking endings that lead to the beginnings of the next day in the New Moon cycle. It was then that I decided that personal endings were perfect for me under the Dark Moon, the reality is the Moon in this aspect already carries all these energies, so it makes it the perfect time for a witch to tap into that. It is under this aspect of the Moon that every month I light at minimum one black candle, but normally more than one....I light candles with words inscribed in them of energies I want removed from my life, whatever words I need that month to help me further my path or keep going....the aspect of the Dark Moon is great for endings so why not end things in your life that are truly soul crushing? poverty, anger, pain, dis-ease....yes I will and have inscribed these words on the black candles that I burn at the Dark Moon....it is also the time where I release all enemies from their connection to me....because as humans and witches we know not everyone that calls themselves friend is actually that....no some will tell you they have your back as they stab you in it the moment you turn around, and this method of candle burning, works by sending out a net of magic that melts away these connections, cuts them free and sends everyone on their own way, without rancor or any kind of boomerang effect on you.....yes when doing any kind of magic you need to worry about that boomerang effect! if you don't it will teach you soon enough that you should have known what you send out you get back. The law of energy return is alive and well in the world of magic.<br />
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Now I have told people before and continue to tell them again that spell casting is not for every witch, nor should it be done by those that are inexperienced with the possible outcomes, spell casting is just simply that; not something that every witch should do, it is not something to be taken lightly. True magic and spell casting is something that should only be done with reverence and respect, yes I joke so many times on my page with memes that say things to the contrary, but they are jokes, not reality....those that reach out to me have had me tell them the same, spell casting is not to be taken lightly....BUT this method of utilizing the energies of the Dark Moon to cast out what does not serve is not exactly the same in my books. It is more the action of laying out a petition, candle magic is a much simpler way for witches to approach spell casting, learning to tap into their own magic and learning to work with the energies around them. As witches we already know we work with a lot of energies, whether for ourselves or others, in those workings we expose ourselves to so many other energies, and the Dark Moon cleansing rituals I speak of help us to realign and clear our own spiritual houses. So when is the best time to do this? well today July 1st is the Dark Moon stage, the New Moon rises at 3:16pm ET on July 2nd and until the Moon goes Void of Course at 2:48 am ET on July 2nd prior to the New stage, that is your window for the Dark Moon......every month the Dark Moon is the day directly prior to the New Stage, making sure not to work within the void of course stage, it is the best time to craft magic to clear, realign and sever those ties that no longer serve. <br />
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For me I have already prepared my candles....and yes it works if you don't have a black candle, but you have a white one, take a sharpie or some other marker and blacken it.....I have done it many many times! I personally use a porcupine quill now to inscribe but before I had one I would use a nail, I inscribe my words, I bless my candle at my altar, anoint it with whatever you feel you need for this working, some use Hyssop, Coconut oil, olive oil, or other conjure oils if you have access to them. Take your candle, set it away from your usual altar in a place of respect that it won't be disturbed....light it, say your incantation, or whatever words you have prepared for this, then spread a circle of sea salt around it....and let it burn. When this is done, and the candle has burned down to the end, make sure to take whatever is left and dispose of it, away from you, not near your home, safely and responsibly dispose of it. after all it would not make sense to keep the energy with you that you are trying to remove with the whole exercise would it?<br />
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As with all magics, depending on the size of the change you are trying to evoke, you may have to do this more than once, but in a world that is ever changing it would be naive of any witch to think that one candle would ever be enough to clear all the moving parts of something like poverty for example...but it works, like anything else in witchcraft it takes dedication, faith and your own energy applied...if you give it all that and are consistent with your effort, it will work and you will see the benefits of those black candles and like me you will come to love the Dark Moon Stage of the month and you many just revel in it a little bit like I am preparing to do today.<br />
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As always witches, I leave you with one bit of advice....always cast responsibly and remember to keep growing!<br />
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Blessed Be the Dark Moon!<br />
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TessTesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03553515181327280184noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3963960494725897309.post-48129958492603855102019-06-28T00:34:00.002-03:002019-06-28T00:40:44.952-03:00Mercury Rx, New Moon and a Solar Eclipse, and how to prepare<br />
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It is that time again....Mercury is going into retrograde, and we are now in the shadow period leading up to its full rx on July 7th..buckle up! I know it is something that there is much scorn for and debate as to how much this truly affects things but having watched for over 20 years I have to say yes it does affect things.....it comes back to my thoughts about the Moon, which can be easily applied to Mercury, the planets and their rotations affect the Oceans on this home of ours....how vain are we that are made up of water to think that they would not affect us? How vast is the Ocean and yet it surrenders its waves to the pull of the Moon, locked in a dance of ebb and flow. I know I feel it, and I watch those around me as they feel it as well....it is always the same as it leads up to the actual retrograde things start to get strained, people start to feel different and wonder about motives and situations just don't work....and yes things break down.....then as Mercury stops and stations to go direct all those things that have been stalled, seemingly gummed up in the works suddenly go forward and all confusion drops away.<br />
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It can be a very stressful time, for many of us we want to just avoid everyone, especially when we think they are being such assholes....but that is really not feasible....so what is the best way to weather this? I used to stumble through this cursing the existence of such a wretched time...people get ugly and mean! Then a few years ago, I was introduced to the concept of the energies of Mercury from another vantage point, the one of where it is time to put RE in front of everything that I did in this time frame. At first it seemed silly, to look at a whole section of time as a do over but it worked....I wish I could remember where I was introduced to it, or how but sadly some things Lyme has taken and parts of my memory are off somewhere else. Even so I sincerely thank them for teaching me to grow beyond it.<br />
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Sometimes the answers are so simple, but yet we miss them....in this time you should reevaluate, repair, redo, recreate, reorganize, relaunch, rebirth.....I am sure you get it at this point....there is more as well, of course it could not be just this simple, there is also a New Moon on the 2nd of July that will bring with it a total Solar Eclipse, granted this will only be visible to countries in South America it does not mean that the effect of this energy will not be felt throughout the world, because it will. Expect big things, sudden changes and wow moments that tend to accompany Eclipses. So in other words the next month or so will be a doozey for changes, upheavals and all manner of unexpected situations....how do you survive all this? You keep stepping forward, one day at a time, much like you do the rest of the time, difference being that now because you read this blog you have already chosen what your project for this retrograde will be...that way when the Eclipse come it can throw power behind your redo. I am sure you can find something that you want another chance with, or to sort out once and for all....just be careful its not an old relationship, because yes they do tend to come up during Mercury Retrogrades....old lovers seem to crawl out of the woodwork....it is up to you what you do with that, but it has been my experience that when people with history and old patterns go back it starts all over after the initial honeymoon phase....sometimes there has just been too much hurt to go back and have a redo on that....even though the planet is going backwards we should not be going backwards. Kind of a been there, done that, no fucking way I am going back retrograde....it is a much better time to put that to bed, revisit and let it go...move forward or at least prepare to when Mercury goes forward again.<br />
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I had to choose what my I was going to do with my Mercury Rx, and I decided this week to relaunch my shop on <a href="http://www.etsy.com/shop/witchschamber" target="_blank">Etsy</a>. I am so glad I did, it was another step in reclaiming the life I used to have until Lyme took it all. I still have a long way to go back to what it was before I became so ill I had to stop, but its a beginning and truthfully I have the most awesome patrons that welcomed me back so happily. For some it may appear to be nothing too grand to reopen an online shop, but for me it was a huge step in being responsible for what I put out there...it was a wonderful feeling to go and ship today, to watch all those white envelopes stamped one by one, the clerk at the post office smiled at me, she knows my story, she knows how long its been since I had orders to send out like that....now for the rest of the retrograde I am working on projects that I have left to the side for the shop for some time....twisted willow wands.....altars in a box......more of my wood burning and of course getting back to wrapping beautiful gemstones that call to me...and insist on how they should be wrapped....I am spending this retrograde reacquainting myself with my heart and soul and letting the Gods guide my hands once again.....you see for me crafting is more than just twisting wire....I use no tools except for one cutter and one broken pliers.....it is my connection to my heart, it is my meditation....it is my medicine for the world...each piece is a connection between my heart and the stone, it speaks, it guides and then the hands show its beauty exactly how the stone wants to be treated....the Gods they speak through the magic.....<a href="http://www.facebook.com/WitchsChamber" target="_blank">Witch's Chamber, Where Magic Meets Art,</a> is not just a slogan, it is my truth....through Reiki and Ascension and my connection to the Gods each piece is infused with healing energy.....and for the first time in a very long time I am ready to share all that energy once again....and this, well, this excites me!<br />
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What will you find to be your redo? what can you relaunch in your life? Have a think on that, there is time but you best prepare, and then once you have it, wear it like a cloak and remember don't feed the trolls during this coming Rx, just stay within your own energy and understand not everyone prepared....but you did. Find your meditation and it will guide you through.<br />
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Blessings to you all<br />
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Tess </div>
Tesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03553515181327280184noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3963960494725897309.post-18316150394059334822019-06-25T03:15:00.000-03:002019-06-25T03:18:24.249-03:00Big hips, thick thighs wrapped in GoodnessToday was a good day, so much so that this blog has been peculating all day, well actually it has been since the last one. I touched on my weight in the last one, but only in a passing sense....now its time to get deep into that, so expect this to to be one blog in a series of many....I dare say I am not the only person to have lived this life with a weight issue that is wholly misunderstood.....used against them....ever been made to feel worthless because of your weight? well I have too, and this blog is for all of us that have suffered those looks, comments and snickers from those that don't know us, but yet feel they could "fix" us if only we would listen to their dietary advice, after all they are only thinking of our health, right? NOT! if they were there would be no judgement, there would be acceptance, understanding and love....being critical of someone under the guise of concern is old, outdated and not acceptable in my world and it shouldn't be in yours either.<br />
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I think I must have been about 7 the first time I heard someone tell me I shouldn't eat something that it was simply going to attach to my hips and no one would ever want to marry me....now how awful is that to tell a young child that the way she looks might make her so unlovable that no one would want her based on her weight....I look back sometimes on pictures of that young girl, I never see an overweight child, just a child...all dark eyes, long hair and freckles...yes that was me, just a regular girl that would rather go fishing than knit or crochet....I could be seen running off on my bike on these dirt roads....jumping in the lake at 6am when everyone else was still sleeping, the calmness of the morning as the Sun was just finished rising and the quiet of it all, was like medicine for my soul, even as a child....I was searching even then, for a bit of peace in my own skin, and nature always provided the grounding I needed, and she still does.<br />
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My later teens and twenties are a blur of one diet or another, Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, NutriSystem and any others I could find, nothing ever really worked....not for any amount of real time and the rebound was always so much worse than where I started.....bear in mind that the worst of it started after Lyme took hold of me, even though I didn't know it.....then they thought it was Lupus, so the wonderful medication was steriods....things that they never tell you about steroids is you never get rid of what they put on you, well if you are me you don't.....still every so often when I manage to break the grip of this disease it all melts off, like magic....but lately no I am always fighting but not gaining ground, not losing it either so I am happy about that. The weight though it doesn't really matter to what kind of person I am inside....as I am sure it doesn't really matter for the type of person you are either....thin, fat, inbetween all of it makes no bearing on the type of person you are....beauty really does come from inside....but yet again I find myself sitting here writing another blog that points out this fact....and that is sad, time marches on but nothing changes.<br />
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I don't believe that when we are children our aspirations include this, I don't believe that anyone given the choice would say yes please make me fat...but for some of us that is the reality....we wake up daily, get ready for the world and yes we smile and think ok here goes another day....for me I never consider my fat, until someone makes me have to see it...when I look in the mirror I see me, I see my eyes, my face, and yes of course I see the rest of me, but it is simply who I am...and in truth I should not have to explain to anyone why I am the size I am.....it's as if I should walk around with a sign around my neck that says "I only eat Organic and gluten free....I eat balanced meals....I don't gorge myself....I eat probably less than you do....my body is this size because of the inflammation caused by Lyme Disease....really I don't need a nutritionist....had one, she told me she couldn't teach me anything I wasn't already doing" It gets tiresome....usually these moments happen once they can't figure out what else to say to me when they are trying to push me around, intimidate me or feel intimidated by me, mentioning my weight is their go to, like we are in kindergarten all over again....bonus points for the most callous asshole that thinks its ok to call you a fatty, a cow, or worse....remember the Universe is always listening and what you judge you will face. Like the woman that sat on my couch and told me my husband would leave me, I was too fat for him, he liked them thinner, like her.....um yea I don't think so.<br />
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I am a strong confident woman, I am a witch, I spend my days helping where I can, making magic and reaching for the stars....I don't stop doing any of that ever, but somedays I have to take a break to deal with some asshole who makes a nasty comment about me not needing that frozen yogurt....or some other nasty little snide remark about widening doorways.....when I was younger I used to say well I can always lose weight but you will still be ugly....sad but true...shaming people is not right...not for being overweight or underweight....shaming them for anything that is beyond their control is wrong and always will be....and no they should not have to justify to you why....it really is none of your fucking business....making them feel. inferior and ugly is truly unacceptable....no matter what your weight is, you should never feel that way, we as a society need to do better.....we need to see people for the energy they bring to the table, not what they put on their plate.<br />
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Is it possible? can we ever grow beyond these juvenile, patriachal views of each other? I sure as hell hope so because going backwards will help no one....and I believe us all having to wear name tags explaining all our issues, setbacks and hurdles is ridiculous and I am pretty sure mine would say something highly different than an explanation....more like a mission statement of what you could do with yourself...but then again I have been fighting this issue my whole life, from strangers and those close to me....at 50 I care about my own longevity, but I know I do all I can now...It is what it is.<br />
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It is what it is....it's not giving up to say that, its simply accepting that some things just don't work out the way you wanted, it doesn't mean there is no hope, it's just not there, and you are ok with that...and that is where I am....I am ok, I am letting go of expectations and I know the best will come for me....not that I won't run into more assholes, for fucks sake I live in a tourist town that people love to walk around in bathing suits all summer, not to mention the Big Uglies, that is a whole other blog! so I know I will get more of it...but I have hope that the right ones will see what shines from my eyes, not the size of my hips, to all the others Cheers! I raise my blueberry frozen yogurt to you! Have at it!<br />
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<br />Tesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03553515181327280184noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3963960494725897309.post-73715897140350783332019-06-23T02:13:00.000-03:002019-06-23T02:13:53.804-03:00And Another Layer Peels AwayFor years I have told my kids and husband when you forget what you were going to get, or what you were doing go back to the place you first had the thought and you will instantly remember. I have always told them that thoughts get trapped in the energy of the place we have them. It is the same for memories, whether they be painful or happy, a place holds the power to trigger all manner of response in us. One such place for me is Ontario, the hard part of that is that I have lived the majority of my life here...I have loved here, and lost....my earliest memories are here, some that are amazing and others that well, I still struggle with, and I know the pain of them left deep scars...so deep that I have not even scratched the surface of that layer yet....but give me time I will get there!<br />
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It was about 2 years ago that I stopped sharing regularly on my blog, I stopped writing all together really...I have notebooks, if you know me then you have seen my stacks of them, lol, I seem to have a bit of a notebook addiction, well that and pens. I love pens. Anyway, I have all these notebooks that for years I have written in, yes many of my blogs have started in them, as well as random spells and other witchcraft related things....some things a witch just can't share. So for the last two years they have sat gathering dust, I have written the very rare bit here, or on my webpage, but pretty much keeping most of my writing to longer posts on the page but even those have of late become just photo shares....my voice it just seemed to be lost, unable to speak about my life, to share anything beyond the Lyme Disease struggle and some day to day things. Imagine what that was like for me, I have been writing since I was a child, back then on a rickety old manual typewriter, well cause it was cool! and for the last two years I felt stifled....stuck in my head...stuck in the memories of pain in this place, all gummed up with lyme bugs that fed the need to make myself small....invisible....coming out only when it was to stand up for someone else....but not for me.....all I wanted was to just keep functioning, keep going another day, not think of what and where my mind was wandering to.<br />
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Of course all this time without writing, it gave me much time to think of all I have lived, to see the connections I missed before, of course there was time in there for me to admonish myself for not having seen it sooner....we are always our harshest critics, after all.....triggers were everywhere, not surprisingly....I had lived here for so many years wanting to leave here, that when I did finally go I felt free and able to be me, without fear....I don't know if it was being near the Ocean and Yemaya, or if the salt air is really better for Lymies but for me New Brunswick brought out the best in me, maybe it was the fact that there were no triggers there.....but I cannot cut myself in two and live there and still be here near my babies, so I am here.....truthfully I thought I could handle it and having been gone for five years, I missed them so much I could not imagine another day without them....especially when we almost lost our daughter the night our granddaughter was born....if ever a mother needed a wake up call of not wanting to be so far away, it was then....to my husbands credit, there was no argument, he felt the same way and could not imagine leaving again.......I thought I could handle it....I would be fine....even concrete breaks.<br />
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It happened slowly, so slowly I didn't notice at first.....my health went first and the lyme treatment began....something I will have to do for the rest of my life, and that was one thing that it took me some time to get my head around....the lack of support, both emotional, social and financial, well you just don't really get it till you get it...and then still you could be ignorant enough to not get it in others....it happens....for me, I had to keep going, there are people that rely on me...so like a good soldier I marched on...I didn't have enough energy to always craft things, well that meant my shop suffered, until finally I put it on vacation for almost two years! might seem trivial but I worked so hard to pull us out of poverty with my shop and it was rocking....It pushed me deeper in my shell...I filled my days doing for others and lived for the nights to get that quiet, private space....that place where I could just be. Here I was once again, living in the place of the worst of the memories in my life....of pain...of rape...of domestic violence...anger....I went and dropped myself right smack dab in the middle of every C-PTSD trigger I have! and expected that no it would not get to me at all. Not really one of my finer thoughts, now I shake my head and wonder why I didn't try to prepare myself for this.....best I have is that the lyme really did fuck with my brain.<br />
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So where does all this leave me now? well I am more aware of my triggers, including the geographical ones....I am working on letting that go and rather looking at the fact that each trigger is not really associated with the land, but rather the persons that caused the initial trauma....sounds simple, trust me it so is not! but its a process and I am ok with that....for now I am looking all those demons in the face and taking them out to dance, while I air it all out and literally get all that fucken crap out of my head, I felt it was time to reintroduce myself with my new revelations from this last trip down into the cracked cauldron, and the writing in my books has started again, so there will be many more new blogs coming!<br />
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Back to the beginning we go! Hello! My name is Tess, I adopted the name as a short form of a name that I never felt comfortable with and just did not feel like it belonged to me.....you see I was called something else for the first 18 months of my life, my middle name....so I never felt like that was me after that.....so Tess it is! I am a survivor, of many things, the least of which is NOT lyme and its co infections....I fight to keep going, and I get stronger daily....magic is everywhere, we simply have to reach out and it will light the way....I have been a witch in this lifetime since I took my first breath, and in many lifetimes before....I have fought with my weight for so many years, somehow it always seemed to matter to others more than it did to me, now at 50 I am who I am, fat and all, and I am ok with that...it doesn't mean I give up on it; it means I am not attached to any particular outcome....I have lived, loved and died already on this Earth and I am still here to write this today....for the first time in a very long time I am excited about the future, I believe in today....in this moment, I turned some corner I could not even see before I turned it....but yet from this vantage point it's as if I can see so much over the last 50 years that now makes sense, my eyes see answers to those questions I asked myself in my lowest moments....it really is amazing how much guilt we can carry, hidden in those caverns of our souls....no I am not where I thought I would be at this point in my life, I accept that and know I deserve better.....now it's time to do that once again, start the process of taking my life back, living even more authentically to feed my heart......and to write....lots more....<br />
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For those that wish I extend my hand and invite you to continue with me on this magical journey within the <a href="http://www.facebook.com/WitchsChamber" target="_blank">Witch's Chamber</a>.<br />
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Many Blessing of Solstice to you all! My magic tonight is simple and powerful.<br />
I call all of my power back to me<br />
As I wish so Mote it be<br />
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TessTesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03553515181327280184noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3963960494725897309.post-33352598583113991382019-06-20T23:20:00.000-03:002019-06-20T23:20:00.977-03:00A Witch's Review ~ Pretty Litter yay? or nay?Now I have been discussing doing reviews here on the blog for a while, and yes I have a few lined up for the next little bit but I really felt this being Witch's Chamber the first blog should be one that affects my closest companion, my familiar....Voods and his brother Hades....so here we are with Pretty Litter.<br />
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I first heard or read about it as the case may be on Facebook of course, like so many more of us have I am sure! Of course I am always skeptical of all the things I see on social media advertising, because in reality if everything were true I wouldn't have a pile of hair wax over there that stinks to high heaven, no of course that would have been good stuff and I would have been enjoying different color hair by now! but alright, I am totally getting off topic. Pretty Litter, yes I saw it on Facebook, no I did not believe the hype, but I was hopeful. Being the mom to two very difficult and picky furry boys, who are constantly trying to outdo each other even though they love each other to bits and are fully bonded, still the litter area was always a problem. No matter how much we scooped the clay litter, there was still issues, to the point that I resorted to putting down large washable puppy pads under the boxes. Still the smell and the amount of work to wash the pads was too much for me. My health and the amount of responsibilities I already have daily made this a huge problem for me, and this is why I was willing to try Pretty Litter. I needed something that would solve my issue of the feuding kitty brothers.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_gDY_-pVdX7KONaAXf4vwQy4nBtnl61K4QXHNkVWGFE_hETf9eSMwIF_B8tcHLEk8y1xFU-OGCrXjyrSApPW2Si9e9L5o7pnFDIGSYyDEXXbcWCNmHYg2B0puQMHvoVzG8ivPLEdGXv07/s1600/61558772_10157296509589861_3808525596477095936_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1440" data-original-width="1072" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_gDY_-pVdX7KONaAXf4vwQy4nBtnl61K4QXHNkVWGFE_hETf9eSMwIF_B8tcHLEk8y1xFU-OGCrXjyrSApPW2Si9e9L5o7pnFDIGSYyDEXXbcWCNmHYg2B0puQMHvoVzG8ivPLEdGXv07/s320/61558772_10157296509589861_3808525596477095936_o.jpg" width="238" /></a></div>
My first consideration was that being that I am in Canada, the cost is a little high for a months worth of litter, but the home delivery part of it was a plus. So I discussed it with my old guy and we both agreed that if it worked for the boys it would be worth it, that being said I went on the site to place my order. That was the simple part, it is pretty straight forward to begin, you create an account and then choose how many cats you have and it guides you to the package you need, or so I thought at the time. After ordering, it is a pretty quick turn around and your litter arrives, as pictured above.<br />
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We happily filled our litter box to just over 2", as the card that came with recommended, and took away all puppy pads, trays or any other form of floor saving devices we may have used before and magically we even took away one litter box and it was wonderful! No smells! No messes! and my feuding boys were fine! The litter area became an area no one even realized existed, which in a two bedroom living space is a very good thing! This continued for the entire first week, we scooped it daily as directed, another wonderful part of the litter is that it makes that part of the exercise so much easier than clay litter! The second week began and we started to have issues with the litter smelling a little, so I raked it well when scooping and found that it was clumping at the bottom of the box. It seems that the litter that tracked out in the two weeks had caused it go below their 2" mark, who knew it was so important! So after 2 weeks here we were back at square one! but worse because the cats were even more upset!<br />
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Onto Pretty Litter Chat I went, to their credit their customer service was quick to respond and very helpful. It was explained that because my litter box is large I required the larger pack of litter, the 6lb bags as opposed to the one I had gotten.....doh! If I had seen the option I would have naturally gone with that because of course I knew I had a large litter box....ok then onto ordering the new size right away as now things had reached a smelly pitch here! I have to say that although they were attentive and responsive to getting me the new litter, there was no offer of discounts or any apology for the lack of information at the beginning. Still I ordered, I also ordered an extra bag of litter to have here in case I needed to replace litter through the month, considering that everyday they track it out. Once again my order was quick, expensive but quick.....the disappointing part was when I opened it and found that my extra bag had not come with it, although the label, the packing slip and my receipt all showed it, there was no third bag of litter. Once again back to chat I had to go, and then I waited....the response when they thought I was canceling my membership was almost instant, but when I was missing something it was the next day before they contacted me, after I sent photos they issued a bag of litter to be sent out to me, of course at no charge since I had already paid for it.<br />
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All in all my review of Pretty Litter is two fold, there is the actual litter and then there is the customer service aspect of it. The litter itself is good, it works well to keep odours out of the exercise, the cats seem to like it much more than clay, and the scooping and clean up of the box itself is very easy to do even for someone like me with a bum arm. The one draw back would be that it does track out of the litter box more than the clay litter did, that kind of drives me a little batty but its tolerable for all the other benefits. The other part of the review is their customer service; something that invariably you will have to deal with at some point, I have mixed feelings about them. I feel they are respectful but they do not really take responsibility for the lack of information on their site and being in customer service myself I would have expected more information or compensation for the lack of it, once I was having to more than double my order in the first month because the option of larger bags was not presented to me at the get go.<br />
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For now we have decided to give it another months try, BUT I am at the same time looking at other crystal litter options, in case we have more delivery issues. Sometimes even though the product is worthy, dealing with customer service becomes the deciding factor.<br />
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May the Litter be good to you!Tesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03553515181327280184noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3963960494725897309.post-8912408370576165362018-12-19T20:23:00.000-04:002018-12-19T20:43:09.637-04:00Op-ed to the Ogre at the grocery storeTo the man that thought a parking space was worth the aftermath;<br />
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Yesterday was a different day for me, for the first time in months I could move my arm...after surgery and the endless trips to drain the wound, finally after doing my own physio because of course I cannot afford to get it professionally I was finally able to lift my arm over my shoulder...should have been a great day. I was able to drive myself, my mom and my son to town for the first time with no pain or fear of having to move quickly with the pain in my arm I was all ready to face the town and off we went.</div>
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Things were great, we were doing well, stopped at the mail, got my mum a new fridge since hers has been pissing all over the floor for a bit, even had a few laughs with the woman at the appliance store and off to the pharmacy I went.....some hard moments there while I looked for something to strengthen my hair, sadly Lyme is taking my once full hair and making it fall out in bucketloads. I have been watching it fall for months and finally my husband could not pretend anymore and admitted yes its getting very thin.....so I went in looking for Biotin...yes I found it but still this was enough to make me feel very low and as I pulled into my local grocery store I told my mom to go in and I would follow when I was feeling a little better.....I sat in the van and cried, my son in the back seat was thankfully engrossed in his tablet so he hadn't noticed....I sat in the handicap parking space and wiped my eyes, listened to Nazareth and prepared myself to go in the store....big breath almost ready....key on the ignition to turn it off, then you pulled your big ass truck into my parking spot....not into another handicap parking spot but actually onto the yellow bars that are part of my parking spot....I remember sighing and debating whether I should say anything or not, I was still feeling very vulnerable and exposed with red eyes, but when you opened your door and almost hit my van I opened my window and nicely told you that is not a parking spot, it is actually a part of my spot....you responded with I am handicapped, and I told you I am as well but that is still not a parking spot, there are 3 more available choose one....well you slammed your door shut, your wife got out and went in as you stormed around the other cars and quite easily backed your truck up into another handicap spot. For me I thought this was over as I watched you walk into the store. You were in there less than 2 mins as I was telling my son to get ready to put his tablet away because we were going in to get cream and some things....just as I put my hand on that ignition you came barreling out of the store....headed straight for me....I have seen that look before...</div>
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What you didn't know was that I am a domestic abuse survivor, I am also a rape survivor and I walk very gently in this life because I deal with anxiety, panic and C-PTSD from my past experiences with angry men. I told my son to head to the back of the van, as you approached and raised your hand to punch my window...I opened it, you started attacking me, with your hand on my window while flipping me finger, telling me I did not need this spot and how dare I be selfish and sit in it....did you have a right to do this? no but you did anyway....I had my phone in my hand and had tried to take your picture and start it recording but did not get it started in time to catch you and all your vile behavior, no you were lucky in that moment that my panic and fight or flight response made my fingers not work and I was unable to catch you asking my SON if he was learning from his mother.....yes I lost it at that moment, finally had the phone working and I lost it when you spoke to my son with Aspergers.....how dare you? did you know you were causing so much emotional issues? did you know you were being a bully? yes you did! but did you care? no you did not! over a parking space that you tried to take that was not even yours! I was already parked in it but you somehow felt your white man privilege meant you were somehow more entitled to take whatever you wanted...I guess that poinsettia that you and your wife needed to buy was so important that you totally trampled on the rights of a woman and child that were already in the spot you want.</div>
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I watched you walk away as my mother came out of the store, I prayed you would leave her alone and not start with her as well, but you raised your voice across the parking lot and acted so proud of yourself, because of course I appeared to be the shrill one, the one that was screaming at you at that point to leave me alone and be on your way....yes I called you an asshole, yes I told you you had no right to judge who uses a handicap parking space....do you realize how hard it was for me to go to my doctor that I have known for 25yrs and even discuss this permit? do you know he almost cried and felt bad to tell me he was marking down that it was a permanent disability....did you even know that not long ago I could barely walk without help? or that standing for more than a half hour could make me fall to the floor? no you did not! did you care? no you did not! All you cared about was that you felt you were somehow justified to walk up to someone else's vehicle and threaten to hit it, and try to intimidate a woman and child and I watched you, you walked away feeling good about this with your wife. </div>
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You did not think about any of that or even the fact that the whole scenario started due to you invading a parking spot that already had a vehicle in it. It was not even like there weren't other spots available, there were 3! two of which were even closer to the door than the one you tried to take and violated my own personal space.....but yes your privilege meant in your head everything you did you did out of some right that you did not have, other than you are a man and I am a woman and it was ok to try to intimidate me. Let's be clear you could have let it go at the I'm sorry thats not a parking spot but you chose not to, you made the conscious choice to do what you did and you walked away laughing thinking that you somehow had stood up to a horrible person that was taking a spot they did not deserve but you were wrong....what you actually did was act like an Ogre and take pride in your own bad behaviour.....the Gods are large and they see everything and as I write this I know your comeuppance will come, and it will be grand when it does....its a small town I know I will hear about it, and will probably light a candle of thanks when it happens but until then I will deal with the aftermath of your ignorance, selfishness and privilege by loving my son a little more, holding him tight and reminding him that not all men are Ogres, some are kind and helpful and that no he does not need to be afraid to go to his favourite store in town....no he can still go there and say hi to the owner, and be all proud when he says hi to him by name.....the only good I found out of the whole situation was me having to admit to my child that I should have used my words better and not let the mean man make me so angry that I lost control of those words....you see what I did there? yes I took your bad behaviour and made it into a teaching moment because that is what I do, I put myself aside and helped him understand....and then I explained it to my mother who at 75 was quite scared of your actions as well....I dropped them off at home and parked my van in the shelter and cried.......and cried until I could go in my home and not let my son see me falling apart because of you.....it did not help because the Aspergers freak out came, and I held my son while he cried because he felt he could not defend his mother from you.....the mean man at the grocery store, that is what you will forever be in his eyes, so when he runs into you in this town again and freaks out, remember you caused this...</div>
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Now go on and enjoy that plant and give it to whoever you thought you would stop and get it for, tell them the story about how you told a woman off in the parking lot and how you felt like such a big man after that....it is probably the only time you feel like a big man is when you are trying to intimidate women and children....the Gods are big and they see everything.</div>
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I never did get my cream.....</div>
Tesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03553515181327280184noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3963960494725897309.post-83007613807705746512018-06-02T01:37:00.000-03:002018-06-02T02:25:07.290-03:00Does my vagina threaten you? What do you do when you want to write but you just can't find the words? well for me I sit and stare at the screen, I write a sentence, backspace it off and then stare some more....there is so much I want to say, so much has happened in almost a year since I have sat and written, I mean I still write, but short posts, little notes and I of course journal, but when it came to writing here well I just couldn't do it......then today after the events of this week I decided enough of the silence.......my question is simple, maybe shocking, but simple nonetheless....does my vagina threaten you? or is it simply that I do not have a penis but rather a vagina that threatens you?<br />
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I am many things, witch, daughter, wife, mother, mom (which you might think is mother but mom is distinctly different than mother), and<span style="background-color: black;"> <span style="font-family: inherit;">avĆ³</span><span style="color: #545454; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"> </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">(grandmother in Portuguese), yes I am all these labels and then I am me....but I am so much more than the labels, I am so much more than what I am to all those that look to me, but that gets lost, in the day to day, in the taking care of others and doing what needs doing......me I get lost.......as I know so many of us do...for me the last year and a bit have been a long haul, some of the longest times of my life with the treatment of Late Stage Lyme, I will treat for the rest of my life....I know this....I am ok with this....the alternative is let it run rampant and my life becomes significantly shorter....that I am not ok with.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: inherit;">All of us have our struggles, agreed? I thought that the worst thing I would have to deal with was the Lyme treatment then in early March my mother fell down the back steps, it was a hugely traumatic and painful thing for her, and me and my little guy who saw her in that state, she looked like the Elephant Man, face swollen, black eyes starting and totally disoriented, it was terrifying...it's no secret to anyone that knows me or her that we have had a difficult relationship at times through the years, sometimes due to her stuff sometimes mine, but regardless she's my mom and it was terrifying to see her that way, and it brought back flashbacks of when my dad passed first in my arms and then in the ambulance, while was I sitting in there with him.....my mother in law passing of cancer in April as well did not help the feelings of loss, more parents dying, more hard moments......not good times! The fall meant a rush to the hospital, a worried experience to have them not do any kind of tests, just talk to her decide she is fine and send her home.....she is 75 this year....her dizzy spells continued after this....almost 3 months later, after tests, another hospital visit when she thought she was having a stoke, it STILL took me getting upset that no one would listen to her, asking direct questions about accountability in the event that something happens to her before they address the issue, that she in her own right has now isolated to be a medication issue, only to have it ignored and questions about her needing her home assessed for safety since she is so dizzy....drop her dose on her meds and that will stop it....ignored again......thankfully after the abysmal appointment with her practitioner, her cardiologist understood and issued a new script, a lower dose, the next day no more head spins....she is a new woman, she is happy and smiling and enjoying the outdoors, she is no longer confused, upset and confined to one area because she is afraid to fall down the stairs....no joke there, we literally walked with her down the steps and up to make sure that she was ok.....of course this was not a well received experience by her Nurse Practitioner.....they feel I was "threatening and inappropriate" .....well fuck me! I find it highly threatening and inappropriate to risk my mother's life....I racked my brain wondering did I swear? um no....I know I must have yelled? um nope didn't do that either......did I cut her off mid sentence? um yes when she ignored what my mother was trying to tell her.....I was clear, direct and concise, we were not a tea party, this has been going on for near 3 months! the time for idle chat and theories was pretty much gone.....</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: inherit;">I am not going to lie, this really upset me, that in advocating for my mother's health, translating for her because although she can speak the language it can get complicated with health questions so it helps at times, in doing that and asking who is to be held accountable since no one will listen is threatening then yep I am totally guilty......do I regret it? well, let's see in true Libra fashion.......on one hand another person thinks I am an ogre, the evil witch that lives in this little town and curses people....and on the other, my mom is feeling so much better and is enjoying her quality of life......no I don't regret it, I regret that it had to come to that before the situation was handled, I regret that it took so long to sort out, and I ultimately regret that we live in a town with such limited options for health care and I really regret that Lyme disease and diabetes makes it so I can't really drive long distances anymore or I would take her to a doctor in the city....but I do not regret caring enough, and knowing enough that it needed to be handled not put off for another week or two...I am more disappointed in a health care center that although I stopped being their patient years ago knew me, my health issues, my family and yet they completely failed us, there was judgement and disregard really....there was no understanding of the trauma of one parental death, the grief we were currently dealing with, or the experience of a child with Aspergers seeing his grandmother in this state, or even the thought that this was making my mother feel like a prisoner in her mind and in her home, there was no thought other than the fact that they were offended, was it because we were right? because we spoke another language? or was it some other ego soaked, patriarchal bullshit? I am sure I will never truly know what it was.......but it will still sadden me, it disappoints me in women who can't deal with strong women, instead of elevating; they denigrate. We have come so far but yet the dinosaurs walk amongst us.....no offence to dinosaurs! </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: inherit;">I wish we could see a shift in things, especially in the way women see women....when you see a woman advocating for someone or asserting her rights stand with her...don't try to pick her apart, don't join the chorus that tells her when she does this; she is somehow being loud, inappropriate, threatening, shrill, out of control, hysterical and on and on and on.....when a man does this he is seen as strong, exciting, brave, righteous, a hero really....but it is not the same for women, this is not acceptable, and it is even more unacceptable in my eyes when it comes from other women....call me crazy but I kinda think standing together is the only way we improve the life of women AND men around the globe.....one corner of the world at a time, because truthfully patriarchy helps no one....can you imagine the difference we could all make? till that happens being "threatening and inappropriate" is what those of us that do stand up will be considered, because of course the fact that we have vaginas, are articulate and strong, will threaten and offend....sad isn't it? </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; font-family: inherit;">well in true Libra fashion, my last thought is at least it busted the crap out of whatever was stuck in my craw and I wrote again! </span></div>
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Tesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03553515181327280184noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3963960494725897309.post-92113477501148424182017-08-13T17:23:00.002-03:002017-08-13T17:23:33.394-03:00You Asked the Witch ~ Protection<div align="center" class="Standard" style="page-break-before: always; text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt;">Magical Protection<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt;">There is much talk in our community
about what is considered to be protection and what borders on darker magics,
truth be told for me it is a very clear subject, you do what you have to do to
protect yourself, your family and your circle which in many cases are one and
the same. There is no color to magic for me, I am not a āWhiteā Witch I am
simply a Witch, the type of magic that is needed is wholly dependent on the
situation, and yes I will and have set protection boundaries, afterall if
someone is sending me destruction and negative magic then by all means I will
send it back with my own oomph added. All that being said there are many ways
that we can be very proactive in protecting our spaces and homes and I hope
after reading through this and applying the methods to your
own space that you will feel that circle around you as strongly as I do.
Remember doing these things does not mean that nothing will ever happen that
you consider unpleasant, reality is that shit will always happen but being
better prepared and having that circle of protection around you means that
either there will be no impact to you as it rebounds or the impact will be
minimized through your own proactive magics.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt;">There are many ways to do provide
protection for your home and I will discuss some of them here but
one of the first things that I do at any new home that I move into is
consecrate my space, not just the internal one but the entire property. As well there is wards that can be put up, mirror pieces to reflect out, railway spikes facing up in flower pots by the doors, spells and floor washes are always great ways to create protective circles. In the next few paragraphs I will share one protective circle for your property and one for your person, I will touch lightly on floor washes but I am leaving recipes and herbal for another blog.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt;">For
this first exercise and ritual you will need; Dragon's Blood Incense & Sea
Salt. If you prefer other protective energy incense you can feel free to use it
but I have found in my own personal practice that Dragon's Blood is the most
effective.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt;">Protection Exercise<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt;"> Dragon's
Blood Incense Sticks<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt;"> Sea
Salt <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt;"> Fill
a jar with Sea Salt and light your incense inside your front door<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt;"> walk to the central entrance to your property this might be the end of
your driveway or walkway, in the air use your incense to draw a </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt;">Pentacle
of Protection chanting;</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Segoe Script", sans-serif;">Here no harm shall
pass<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Segoe Script", sans-serif;">Protect my home and
all within<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Segoe Script", sans-serif;">Through this border
of smoke, salt and sting of ash<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Segoe Script", sans-serif;">no harm shall pass<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt;"> Now
take your salt and burning incense and begin your circle where you
stand at the entrance and walk clockwise around the border of your
property, stopping at each corner of the property and drawing another
Pentacle in the air, all the while making sure your salt circle<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt;"> is
continued and your incense keeps burning, of course depending on<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt;"> the
size of your property you many need to carry more with you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt;"> When
you have come to the same spot you started then draw your<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt;"> last
pentacle, by doing this you seal your protective circle.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt;">This method is quite effective as it
provides a very strong energetic circle around you, your family and all that is
within your boundaries, I have also found with this circle that many of those
that do not necessarily come with the right intentions tend to stop appearing
at my door. I also tend to re-energize this circle on the change of the seasons
to keep it always at its optimum level.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt;">If you should feel that this method
requires some extra oomph to it, you can pack quite the magical punch by adding
a bit of mirror magic to your ritual, take small pieces of mirror and place
them all the corners of the property, they do not need to be seen they simply
need to be there in order to reflect to others what they send to you.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt;">To keep a feeling of well being within
your home a satchel of basil hung over the door helps to keep energy clear and
feelings of peace within. I also have hung sprigs of rosemary over exterior
doors to utilitize her amazing energies of protection.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt;">The truth about protection is this,
you can never have too much magical protection! We deal and live in a world
where many dabble in these arts, not truly sure of what they are doing, and
many times not aware of the harm they send out, and others well they
intentionally will send it to you. There is no sure fire way to stop them,
there is no way to ever take for granted that what you have done is enough,
within magic there should always be vigilance to make sure you are consistently
refreshing the circles and protective magics you have employed, no need to be
neurotic about it but consistent yes.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="Standard">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt;">Floor washes are also a great way to
cleanse the energies that are literally brought in each day on you and your
family, these I do once a month, my choice of ingredients is always chosen
based on the past month and what I felt was needing to be cleaned out. I might
choose to do one with Sea Water, or simply with Sea Salt and Water, normally I
will throw basil in simply for its cleansing and negativity removing
properties, lavender although a wonderful plant for this is not one that is
welcomed very highly in my home, in my garden yes and always within my witch's
cupboard for my own spellwork but unfortunately one of my family members has a
very unhappy reaction to it's scent so I have found ways around it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt; text-align: center;"> </span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt;">Now of course we cannot always simply
stay at home and never venture off our own properties so we must cloak
ourselves in these energies as well one of the most effective ways I have ever
found is to practice good old fashioned mirror magic, literally mirror magic
around yourself. This is a very simple and useful spell, after you ground and
center simply craft this little spell and then carry on with your day knowing
that you are fully protected.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="Standard" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt;">Mirror Protective Spell<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="Standard">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt;"> You
require nothing but yourself and creative visualization for this spell.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt;"> Imagine
a mirror coming up around your entire body, reflecting outwards<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt;"> and
away from you and chant this 3x.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="Standard" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Segoe Script",sans-serif;">In this moment I wish to you<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="Standard" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Segoe Script",sans-serif;">exactly what you wish to me<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="Standard" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Segoe Script",sans-serif;">As you wish it so it shall come</span></div>
<div align="center" class="Standard" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Segoe Script", sans-serif;">As I speak it, so it
shall be<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="Standard">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Segoe Script", sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;"> </span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt;">This is simple, clear and effective
and leaves the responsibility for the</span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Segoe Script", sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt;"> energy
where it belongs ~ with the sender. <i> </i>Do
not feel sorry or bad for<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt;"> the
consequences of their energy, it is all theirs, and in truth they felt no<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt;"> qualms
in sending it your way.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt;">
</span></div>
<div class="Standard">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt;">Protection magic is something that
every witch worth her salt should invest much time and effort in learning.
There are many ways and tools that can be used in order to create your safe
space and many of them are a question of your path and which way you feel
pulled to go.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt;"><br /></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt;">As always witches I hope you enjoyed this weeks "You Asked the Witch", see you next Sun Day! </span></div>
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Tesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03553515181327280184noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3963960494725897309.post-78984450834934515382017-08-06T16:23:00.000-03:002017-08-06T19:50:53.292-03:00You Asked the Witch ~ DreamsThis week has been filled with questions about Dreams, how to interpret, what do they mean, are they literal or symbolic, there have actually been quite a few questions this week about one of my favorite tools.....dreams.<br />
<br />
Dreams come to each of us, some of us remember them, others well, they don't stay with them in the waking hours, but you can be rest assured whether you remember them or not everyone dreams.....they can be a source of comfort or angst depending on how you deal with them and the information they bring you. I myself have had prophetic dreams my entire life, as far back as I can remember my dreams have shown me the way, they have been a source of connection with ancestors and Gods, messengers from other realms have come to me, dreams have shown me where I need to heal, and the symbolism of them is never lost on me.<br />
<br />
If your dreams cause angst then you need to work on them, sit and work out what your symbolism is, this is not an easy thing, its an everyday thing...its a notebook by your bed, its writing each morning what you dreamt, the surroundings, what you were doing, how you felt, who was there....I started to learn my symbolism in my dreams as I grew up, it is now a part of me and I can dissect a dream almost instantly when I hear it or when I wake up, I have even had lucid moments in dreams where I work it out as I am dreaming and wake up knowing what it was all about. Here is the thing though that I would like to explain, and yes this is my thought so you can take it or leave it, but I think symbolism is something that is very personal and individual.....I think you need to figure out what things mean for you, I mean you can go out and buy 2, 3 or 1000 books on dream symbolism there are a multitude of them but I truly believe they will serve you no help while you do not know what symbols or things really mean to you....for instance when I see water in a dream I know it means tears, when I see blood depending on if it is mine or someone else's it could be a good thing or a very bad one, but these again are symbols I have learnt myself through the years.<br />
<br />
Once you can sit and dissect your dreams without being overwhelmed you will be able to see what the messages are and why they are coming through, but there will still be times where your humanness will affect you, do not think it won't......this week I had a recurring dream where my husband has passed on, the first time I had this dream it took me months to get over, every time he went anywhere I worried, I made him go and have a physical to check his heart, I must have drove him crazy....this time I had the dream this week actually and I had a moment, I felt the fear, the crushing grief and the sadness and loneliness in the dream, I woke up and could still feel it as he lay next to me, pulling me closer into a snuggle....I let myself feel that pain, and I hugged him closer. I know our lives have been long and good together, and no we aren't getting any younger and with my health where it is these are conversations him and I have had together, facing your own mortality, making plans in case, writing wills, these are all things we are surrounded in at this time, it makes sense that my mind pulls a dream about him, about losing him. Prophetic dream? yes in a way it was, if something were to happen to him I would feel all those things, every single iota of me would vibrate grief, loss, sadness.....but having the dream does not mean it is coming now, it means that I NOW need to remember how I would feel, and love the moment I am in for all it is. You have the power to disarm your dreams the same way, take the message, let the rest go.<br />
<br />
Start a dream journal, write them down, compare them from month to month, year to year, find the patterns and the messages from your Deities, they will come through once you make it clear that you are willing to learn this way. I believe that for me it was the dreams that kept me going and many times cushioned the blows that life was going to deal to me. I was prepared for them, both emotionally and physically. As well do not forget that certain times of the year will illicit more poignant, vivid dreams, as will Full, New or Dark Moons, and Eclipses always rupture and shatter things and bring emotions to the surface so expect your dreams to be different, very real and random during them, it is in these moments that the work you have done on your own individual symbolism will come in handy and help you to clear away the noise and get to the root of the message.<br />
<br />
Look upon your dreams as another tool in your witchy skill set, when you can harness the knowledge there then you will truly be balanced on both the physical and astral planes, which then can open the door to Astral travel, and yes I have done this, and yes when absolutely needed I will again.<br />
<br />
Dreams they have much to tell you, and can you really afford to not pay attention?<br />
<br />
Blessings all till next Sunday and the "You Asked the Witch"<br />
<br />
<br />Tesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03553515181327280184noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3963960494725897309.post-78797133133066473962017-07-30T12:13:00.000-03:002017-07-30T12:13:24.223-03:00You Asked the Witch - Where to Start<div class="Textbody" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="font-size: 18.6667px;">Welcome to the "You Asked the Witch" feature of my blog! I did receive quite a few questions, many of which I will be going through and answering as the energy calls, but the one that came up over and over is how do I start? I have decided to walk the path of Witch, or like it happens quite often to Witches you found yourself pulled onto this path so now what do I do that I have come to this point? how do I start? For this one I bring a portion of the book I have been working on for a lifetime now "The Cracked Cauldron"</span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 120%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 120%;">The
beginning requires cleansing, much cleansing of all you thought, every
preconceived thought and notion about who you are, what you are and about the
ego you must leave at the door to your own transformation, ego binds you and
limits your magic. Hard as it may be, it must be done a through
and complete cleansing of your space, your heart and your spirit. Drop the
notion that you know what the next step is, truth is you don't! Put your faith
in the Gods if you follow them, your Ancestors and your magic.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="Textbody" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 120%;">Spell to Clear and Cleanse<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Textbody" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 120%;">Start
with a traditional White Sage smudging of your space; preferrably sage that you
grew and wrapped into a smudge stick yourself but if that is not possible then
of course one that is purchased can be used, but remember the magic is very
dependant on your own intentions and conviction in what you are doing, so if
you want to put a little more effort in you can also purchase fresh sage at a
local grocery store and make your own smudge stick for this exercise and
spellwork. As well pay close attention to the Moon at this time, to start
something fresh like this and begin again, make sure the Moon is in the New
Moon station.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 120%;"><br /></span></div>
<div align="center" class="Standard" style="text-align: center;">
<u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Segoe Script",sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">Incantation as
you smduge your home<o:p></o:p></span></u></div>
<div align="center" class="Standard" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Segoe Script",sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">Smoke of Sage<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="Standard" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Segoe Script",sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">Breath of life,
cleanse, clear<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="Standard" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Segoe Script", sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">and
make it right<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="Standard" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Segoe Script", sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;"><br /></span></div>
<div align="center" class="Standard" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt;">Say this in each room as your cleanse each corner with
blessed smoke of Sage.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt;">Run yourself a bath, a very special
bath for cleansing, I chose a selection of herbs that I felt gave me the
qualities I wanted to bring into my life and topped it off with copious amounts
of sea salt, to bring the love of the ocean and Yemaya into my life. In my bath
there was basil, white and red rose petals, 3 sprigs of Ruda, 3 sprigs of Cedar
and sea salt. If you feel a connection with other herbs or want to pick some
for your own reasons please do so, much
of magic is intuitive or at least mine and that is how I feel it should be for
us all.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt;">Stand in your bath with a bowl and
scoop the water and pour over your head, wash downwards, as you do imagine all
the connections, all the things that need to be cleansed away washing down your
body and leaving you, do this 9 times each time reciting the incantation;<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="Standard" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Segoe Script", sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">As I
wash it all away<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="Standard" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Segoe Script", sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">my
fears, my ego and strife<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="Standard" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Segoe Script", sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">I
ask to bring in the light<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="Standard" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Segoe Script", sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">let
me see which way to go and end<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="Standard" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Segoe Script", sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">this
to and fro<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="Standard" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Segoe Script", sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">Set me
free<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div align="center" class="Standard" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Segoe Script", sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">As I
so speak so Mote it be</span></div>
<div align="center" class="Standard" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="Standard">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt;">Next prepare a floor wash to finish
your cleanse and clear with the same selection of herbs and sea salt that was
placed into your ritual bath. To prepare your home take your broom and begin in
the furthest room from your home's front door, I started at my back door and
swept out each room into the hallway and all the way to the front door, opened
it and swept it all out the door. Then wash with the floor wash in the same
direction and manner as the sweeping. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="Standard">
<br /></div>
<div class="Standard">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt;">Now all that done you are ready to
start over, with your magical life, clean slate and all. You may have to do this again or a variation of this, that is the way of the witch, wards and cleansings are done and recharged through our walk....we are always proactive in our own protection and while this is cleansing it is the first step to protection, and the discussion of that subject will be left for another "You asked the Witch"<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt;"><br /></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: 14pt;">Blessings all have a great day! </span></div>
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Tesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03553515181327280184noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3963960494725897309.post-8504584574783554702017-07-06T15:34:00.000-03:002017-07-06T15:34:06.120-03:007 Things I wish you could understandEvery so often a post about the things I wish you understood about Chronic Illness floats across my feed, I always read them and nod in agreement sometimes emphatically, with authority as my husband would say....for each of us that suffer there is a new list, there is a constant, and there is a fluctuating need for these posts.....and today I chose to write my own, my list of all the things I wish those around me could understand of course without having to live the agony of being trapped in a body that does not co operate.<br />
<br />
1. Yes I am disabled, I may not look it to you, but I am. I have moments in time where I accomplish so much. I deal with my kids daily, I run my own little online business and help my husband with his, but I am still disabled, and the energy it takes me to accomplish what most take for granted is multiplied by body parts that resist changing positions, I am just really good at hiding my pain....because you may not be able to see what happens when I stand, or walk too long does not mean it is not happening to me within my body. I have a disabled parking permit, I constantly have people stare to see if I have it as I park then the look of astonishment hits them, yes I need it, yes I realize you don't see it and I hope you never feel it either.<br />
<br />
2. Please stop telling me it could be so much worse....stop sending me links to stories of those that you feel have worse situations and illness' to deal with....I feel for everyone and wish that we could eradicate illness from the Earth, seeing others suffering "worse" than me does not make me feel better, I am an empath and it only makes me feel their pain along with mine.....it is not a competition for who feels worse or has been more affected by dis-ease, to each person that lives with Chronic conditions their life is the most affected by their illness, if you want to find a way to support us then learn about our illness, listen when we need someone to lean on, encourage us yes, don't compare us though.<br />
<br />
3. Understand that while Depression may come hand in hand with some dis-ease and for that we should seek treatment but there are other instances where it is the direct result of living every day in pain not because we hate our lives, are unhappy or even have a chemical imbalance as some love to tell me, no anti-depressants are not required, they will not make the pain go away, nor will they eliminate the meds I require to fight for remission....what I fight is a situational depression and the situation for me is Lyme Disease and its Co-infections.....I have great days and then I have days that I wonder why I continue, today is that day.....I love my life but the constant struggle to live it can be soul crushing. I cope by sharing, blogging, creating when I can...I find beauty in Nature around me, the smiles of my children and grandchild, I laugh with my mother after years of misunderstandings, I lay in the arms of the love of my life....I cope and I love my life, but I hate dis-ease.<br />
<br />
4. My days are full, I have a multitude of responsibilities a day that I have to take care of and people that rely on me that I also care for so I budget my energy and my time for those, even right down to snack time for the little witch, teaching him and helping him to cope with Asperger's and other issues, or taking my mother to town....some of the things I budget time for most don't even think about, they just do it...for me it requires planning, storing energy for a direct purpose and completing that purpose...and then there are the times that I require help, I have back up plans and double back up plans for those days....when I say ok no I am done now, I mean I am done now and I am going to lay down.<br />
<br />
5. I cancel things, lunch dates, parties, movies and all manner of social engagements... I do not make deadlines, I have the best intentions but that does not mean that I live up to every commitment I make, so I have stopped making commitments.....I want to go out, I want to have an active social life, I want to go to pagan festivals, camping trips and other events but odds are I won't make it....I will beg off, or not show up and later feel horrible telling you that I just couldn't make it. It is not because I don't want to, but I will and I am sorry. Sometimes it will be anxiety that kicks in, others it will be that I just expended so much energy that I have none left to do it....or the dreaded flare has moved in and I am down for the count....<br />
<br />
6. I talk about and share my struggle, I share what it is like, what it feels like and the effects that it has on me both physically and emotionally. I am not an attention seeker, I am sharing my life with my circle, I am raising awareness for Lyme disease, I am wanting you to understand even a small portion of my life, not so you feel sorry for me but so you get it......maybe then when you meet someone else that suffers as well you might be able to understand their side of it too...I wish to educate, not garner sympathy, but I realize also that support systems and circles of support are very important for me and for others who suffer so yes I do reach out when I need it, I try to do this without dramatization sadly though I am sure that sometimes it may come across that way.<br />
<br />
7. This one applies to witches, pagans and the lot....Chronic illness is never a reflection of someone's magic, their worth or their ability to craft...It is a reflection of a human body that is made to eventually fail physically, it is a reflection of the chemical world we live in that has poisoned us, some suffer while others don't, not one iota of that has to do with our own inner power or ability to craft magic. Magic lives within the heart, it beats daily and many times is what keeps us around, our faith and belief in our own magics, that is the key to our very existence.<br />
<br />
There is so much more but for now this will do, it opens the views a little wider I hope....I would love a conversation to begin, what is chronic illness like for you? what are your struggles, share them, let your voices be heard, write, tell us all.....we are all individual and because of that we all suffer differently and I for one think it is high time that sharing it does not come with admonitions of what is proper or not to share on social media, if you cannot reach out to your circle for support then why are they there?<br />
<br />
Blessings all, may you find love and smiles in your circle.<br />
<br />
<br />Tesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03553515181327280184noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3963960494725897309.post-8589995192190841572017-06-22T16:02:00.000-03:002017-06-22T16:08:35.997-03:00Anger, Solstice, Lyme and Ultimately Letting GoThere is a whole world inside of me, a world filled with heart, pain, love, and so much more. There is a past that can't reconcile with the present and the future is not even a thought. This world I carry inside is right now stuck in the past, reliving, re-feeling and the depth of emotion is scary, very real and powerful, and borders on the darker sides of me.<br />
<br />
There are deep feelings of anger that were reignited in me lately.....I am angry at those that discount what I have lived through, who shrug it off, it isn't a real thing, just a ploy for sympathy....I am angry at those that changed the course of my life, the embezzler, the abusive one, the users....I deal with the fact that I have to walk past my rapist's grave to get to my father's, but when his family encroaches on my father's grave I am angry beyond belief....I am angry that everything I have ever done is to be discussed, torn apart and forever brought forward while the crimes, and some are literal crimes of others are kept quiet and hushed....forgotten as they walk by and act as if their shit doesn't stink, and to add insult to injury their broods who carry on the tradition of ignorance, steeped in the lies of their parents.....people that someday will become my ancestors...I am angry for those that hurt my husband, holding themselves higher on some scale of goodness based on their loose interpretation of their religion without any real understanding of their own God, I am angry and hurt for my children that were disregarded.....I am angry at the asshole that tried to rip me off by using my credit card fraudulently, every bit of money I have goes to my healthcare asshole, you just made it less until the card security figures it out...and I am angry and hurt at the ones that only think of me as mom when it suits their current need, drawing boundaries around you was hard but now they are cast in stone.....<br />
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What brought this all on? I can't really say if it was the visit to the cemetery, the tooth that broke in my mouth that I had to pull out myself, the reality of a Staph infection that is recurrent, requires meds that knock me even more on my ass, or a whole other host of disappointments lately.....I worked so hard to build Witch's Chamber and now all I can do is sit by and watch it all die and fade away.....or maybe it was just a gradual overboil of things.....either way it is a condition that I cannot allow to fester any longer......It is really counterproductive to all I believe, strive and want in my life but yet there it is, in all its glory, anger has permeated this and is crouching on my shoulders as we speak, as I write this I can feel it pushing down on the back of my neck, the albatross around my neck making me feel like I have to hang my head from the pressure......I see you, I feel you, many of you have been with me a long time, building up over time, hiding every so often but always coming back with such force, now with the Late Stage Lyme treatment into its 4th month I am told this feeling of anger is common, a type of reaction that many others experience.....that must be why all those things I thought I had dealt with from the tearing up of my family when I was child to the tearing up of my family when I was a mother, but no here they are again, I deal with them daily and navigate the interior of my heart as it tries over and over to reconcile and let go.....this is what my heart laid out for the Sun yesterday....followed by a moment of defiance and clarity, I am entitled to these feelings and all they entail because I lived these things, I still do and I deal with them, some on a daily basis....I am not superhuman I am simply human, a very spiritual and connected human but still human and I feel like anyone else, deeply, to the core on some things and some well while they can be forgiven can never be forgotten, so I should expect that they will crop up in my mind from time to time, but I refuse to unpack and live in the anger.....I give it all to the Gods to do with as they wish, I release, I let go and I move on, abeit with boundaries now, boundaries to even keep out those that I love dearly but are toxic to my life and the life of the ones I protect.....drawing a virtual circle around me, and placing a mirror up to let all have their own energy back, it is not required but yet they try to send......<br />
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What you wish me I send back, be ever mindful of what it is though so when it amplifies you know what you will be reaping. I made my peace yesterday and made my feelings and wishes clear to the person that I have deemed as my legacy contact, she will ensure that what I want will be when my time comes, may it be in the far reaching future, but still she knows those that can stand not 10ft from me and don't know me, do not need to know me when I pass, do not stand over my grave and weep for what you could have been a part of while I was here.....boundaries for now and even for after my death, that is what I sat and worked out yesterday....and that helped me, I expressed my feelings, I made my wishes known and I discussed my own mortality without fear, just my own truths, and I made sure my child knows the true stories of her ancestors, both the good ones and the not so good ones......oddly enough it felt reminiscent more of Samhain ritual than Solstice but since I learnt long ago to follow the energy and where it takes me I did, and I am glad, because as I wrote this and shared my experience I felt the weight of it all slip off my shoulders.<br />
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Be blessed, be strong, make your plans and then follow your path without a map, just follow the energy and let it flow, ride your wave and throw the crap overboard when you simply don't need it anymore.....it will be ultimately freeing!<br />
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<br />Tesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03553515181327280184noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3963960494725897309.post-87354873105214770022017-04-11T17:16:00.004-03:002017-04-11T19:12:27.317-03:00Chronic Lyme and MeI always know it is going to be a deep and gut wrenching post when I start by staring at a blank screen, type, stop, read, delete! delete! delete! start again, repeat and repeat again, until finally the words begin to spill out and fill the page, flowing easily like the multitude of tears that have flowed lately for me.<br />
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Where should I start? the physical? the emotional? the mental state? thankfully the spiritual side is solid.....we have been on the hunt for what has been disabling me for the last almost 30 years, there have been many diagnoses', I fear many of them have NOT been accurate, if any at all actually....that in itself is a whole other can of worms that I am contending with in my mind, the amount of times that I have taken poison to fix what they said was the issue to then have it either make it worse, or uncover something else...my positive side keeps telling me to look at the bigger picture and know that I am still here so maybe in all that some things actually helped....it right now is an inner struggle for clarity as I walk the minefield that has become my health. Suddenly there was a Staph infection, it showed itself first on my breast, as the lump grew and became inflamed off to the ER we went....to have it cut open, drained, packed and a prescription for antibiotics....this same thing happened to me just about 8 years ago. It was a long drawn out ordeal that included surgery, cauterization, and months of nurse visits and homecare....it of course unnerved me, the doctor being aware of the history and my failing health wrote a script that may have actually inadvertently saved my life in the long run not just in that infection. At that point my speech was becoming quite affected as well as my mobility....I suffered mainly in silence, I thought I hid it well but I am being told not so much from those closest to me, watching me suffer was something they were not ready for either ~ they always watched before but this was different, there were multiple things happening at once, and it seemed to be coming on quickly.....at this point we got the MRI reports, there was no MS to be found so once again treatment was eluding me.....it was then that my sister from years before reached out to me, again as she had tried so many times before, she knew what it was, she was sure and suggested I speak to my doctor about this, I told her I would since I had an appointment the next day I had that conversation. By that time I had had time to go back through my health history and correlate the times I had mysteriously gotten better, with stages of flares and remissions, always involving long courses of antibiotics, sometimes upto 3 months to kill persistent infections....my kidneys, my liver, the staph infection....it was a consistent cycle of meds that brought out my healthiest moments I could remember, like I was suddenly cured, feeling great, no pain then I would start the slide all over again, further, deeper into a hole of despair, each time harder and harder to find my way out of. </div>
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The moment I sat with my doctor that has known me for approximately 24 years and broached the subject of Chronic Lyme I was at the end of what could be causing this disability, I needed answers that could help....he listened thoughtfully, opened my chart, starting looking at the past, the incidents I reminded him of, the cycles I had lived through of what now to him also seemed like remission and flares....at that moment his words were a moment I won't forget ever, "Now I think we are onto something" the staph infection was still raging at this point, so he looked at the med and said well this does treat Lyme as well so we can try another course of it, I did, the staph infection died and another one shot up elsewhere....another course of antibiotics, now 6.5 weeks of antibiotics, and I herxed, badly....for those that don't know what this means it is the bacteria that cause Lyme disease dying off and creating endotoxins that cause you to feel worse than you did before you started treatment. There is more information available <a href="http://www.tiredoflyme.com/the-herxheimer-reaction.html" target="_blank">here</a>, it was bad, I was of course not detoxing at that point and totally unprepared for it.....I was happy though to have an answer, something that actually was working, I thought ok now we get treatment under way....I knew about the years we would need, it would be hard but there was hope again. Then I spoke to my doctor and of course the dreaded blood test for Lyme came up, its highly inaccurate, something everyone knows, still something that is required to be positive for treatment ~ conventional treatment of 30 days of antibiotics and that's it you are cured! I wish it was that simple, it of course is not, not by a longshot is it that simple or cut and dried.....Chronic Lyme is something that the medical field many in unison deny the existence of, and for those that have taken on the system to say yes it exists, yes I treat patients for it well they have either lost their medical licences or given them up to follow a holistic or naturopath calling, and many Lyme patients are so thankful for them. It is the general thought in the medical world that the test is proof and the only proof, it is not, and should not be used as the only designation of Chronic Lyme by doctors as you can read about <a href="http://www.hc-sc.gc.ca/dhp-mps/medeff/bulletin/carn-bcei_v22n4-eng.php" target="_blank">here</a>. </div>
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So finally I am sat there knowing what it is, waiting on test results that because my exposure was almost 30 years ago were bound to be negative and they didn't disappoint and with that my access to modern medicine for anything other than when my body reaches crisis again, this was not an acceptable option. Although I can understand any doctors reluctance to put them out there for a patient and risk their licence this did nothing for the deflation and reality crushing soul moment that was. I stood in my kitchen staring at my herbal shelf, with my laptop looking for help, I reached out to my niece who has been helping her mother for years with her own case of Chronic Lyme and asked for help, for once I was totally stumped and possibly feeling it all crashing down around me, but I knew I had made progress and I wanted to keep going....a few days later I was told about the <a href="https://www.resultsrna.com/ultimate-lyme-disease-support-system/" target="_blank">Results RNA</a> and I found a renewed sense of hope. I also remembered that approximately in the middle of the last major crisis of my health I had seen a Naturopath, she had listened intently to my list of ailments and how I felt and she suggested then that it sounded to her like Chronic Lyme.....at the time I was seeing a Nurse Practitioner having moved out of my doctors area for a time, and she was skeptical and did not agree so testing never happened, it might not have changed anything then either considering the state of the accuracy of the test. Now here I am, this is me and yes Chronic Lyme lives here, and now I have a possible way to get better, a doctor and a plan....and no provincial, federal or modern medicine supports that we all take for granted here in Ontario....No OHIP to help me, no this has to come out of pocket to the tune of just about $6000 or slightly more for my medication alone, over the period of a year, plus office visits, plus any antibiotics I may need if my body goes into crisis, and as I get sicker to get better working on my shop is impossible, the total cost for the year will hit more or less $10,000 doesn't sound like much to save your life does it? our entire combined income last year was $17,500 and that was a huge improvement from living in New Brunswick but still a far cry from being able to afford this, I try to keep the faith but sometimes it is just too much. I am thankful for the family emotional support I have and thankful that I will have more of it soon, I am sorry that they have to watch me go through all of this but I hold onto hope that it will give me freedom from so much pain in the future. My speech is improving, still a bit confused at times to make instant connections on anything and if you know me well you know that is NOT like me at all, but it is an improvement....I now have more tinctures coming to help me with detoxing my body so that the herxing is not so bad, and yesterday and today I was able to make dinner for us all took me 4 hours to do it all but I did it and I am thankful for that.......I have faith that somehow it will work itself out, and the treatments will continue. </div>
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I am not fooled though, I know it will be a long road, and a difficult one, I am trying not to let my anxiety take it over, which I have found is possibly a result of the Lyme as well as the fact that I spent some time with my GI tract actually paralyzed, another by product....so many things.....so much that at times I am overwhelmed and saddened, my Vitamin D is almost off the charts, another one I have to tackle next....today in this Full Moon light I am putting this all out there, asking for your energy, love and understanding on this journey of mine....and most of all I am grateful to all of you that have stood by me and helped me get to this point.....now to fix it all, and expect more information in the blog about treatments, results that I am experiencing and I also have a photo album on my personal page of my fight with Lyme, a picture is worth a thousand words right? and if nothing else it might help someone else that suffers to know they are not alone. </div>
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For now I leave you with this, be kind, be gentle when you walk in the lives of others, you have no idea what they are fighting, if you looked at me and didn't know me you would never guess what it takes to make me walk head held high as if the world is filled with unicorns and rainbows for me.</div>
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Blessings to you all and bucketloads of love </div>
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Tess </div>
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Tesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03553515181327280184noreply@blogger.com1