Eyes wide open

Full set Elemental Dragons ~ Image property of A Witch
by any Other Name

When I took on the challenge of making these Elemental Dragon Chalices I really did not realize what I was taking on, not in a bad way either but just in a very cleansing truthful way.  This was not an easy time in my life to do this either.....I mean I have worked and channelled many different spirits, deities and beings, for me this did not start a year or two ago this has been a lifelong work the realities of which have only recently become totally clear to me.  I did not choose an easy life, I accept that now, it was my choice no one else's and this year as I turned the wheel one more time on my own birthday it gave me lots to work out, ponder and sort.  The Dragons well they came at just the perfect time.....

Spirit ~ Image property of A Witch by
any Other Name

Air ~ Image Property of A Witch by
any Other Name

The deeper and deeper I went into myself, the more I found crap I had allowed to get to me, and I call it crap for a reason, because that is exactly what it is.....I found that if I do not kind of police myself and my reactions to things then I tend to internalize them, take them on as my own issues, allow them to influence how I feel about myself....not really anyone else's fault but my own, I allow my voice to be silenced and fall in behind others that are pushier, mouthier and more out there in their opinions than I am.....I had to look at that clearly is it my need to avoid ugliness? is it that I am not strong enough to hold my own? well truthfully neither of these options were right so it meant I had to dig deeper, to the core of why I allow this.....I came up with all kinds of reasons at first, this situation with my son, my need to just sleep the time away, the mundane crap that I deal with on a daily basis but again none of these really fit the bill either.....and then it hit me I just really don't care.  Yep that is it, I just really don't care.

Earth ~ Image property of A Witch
by any Other Name

The Dragons they would not allow me to lie to myself this time and shelving it and moving on to the next one didn't work either, I had to keep looking until I shocked myself with that revelation.  I just do not care what anyone else really thinks, not in a disrespectful way either, I am more than willing to listen to others opinions and absorb what they have to say as long as they present it in a proper and respectful manner, the moment I feel that they are not, or that they are not being truthful with their expression then well I stop caring.  What appears to be me silencing myself and becoming complacent is actually my cutting away method......as a child I learnt that open thoughts of pulling away are punished, viciously and say as you like as adults it is no different.  I have watched as attacks go on all around me in my personal mundane life, religious/spiritual life and even my online life, the attacks because they are between adults are no less vicious than the ones I remember from my childhood.  Yes they are for different reasons, and may not constitute the same type of abuse that I lived through but their end result is the same, someone is hurt, shamed or worse.....and in my honest opinion the whole point of the lesson is lost at that point, but that is what I have learnt in my life it does not mean that it is right for everyone else, but it is for me.  My way is to just stop wasting my breath......As I molded Chaos I was reminded of a moment many years ago that someone asked me why I was allowing someone to make statements that weren't true, vehemently wanted to know why I was not up in arms about it like they were.....my answer then is my answer now, sometimes you have to pick your battles and know when to walk away after all when your words are falling on deaf ears then its time to just let go.

Water ~ Image property of A Witch
by any Other Name

Fire ~ Image property of A Witch
by any Other Name

I am not a wishy washy person, I am kind, but I am not stupid, I am an empath, intuitive, medium and witch, all of these came with me into this incarnation and from the previous ones, I always know, whether I chose to do anything about it is a whole other issue, call that what you will but realize you may not always see what I have done but you will feel it, whether it be by my presence or lack of.......yes I say I learnt alot from those Dragons, but mainly I learnt that I really do like who I am, what I am and what I can do in this world.....another piece of me that I didn't realize was waiting for me to allow it through.  I let go and have ridden the tides and currents for many years, I believe in Spirits guidance, trust in Fire to protect, Water to wash away all that does not merit my presence, Earth to ground me and Air to give me life......Chaos well, Chaos will create just that for all that cross the boundaries because even as the Chalices leave to go to their new home, I know they will never leave me, the Dragons that is, they came to stay for they watched for years too, as I honored them quietly in my own way, not knowing their names, not wondering if I was doing right or wrong but just honored them from the heart..........dramatic shows of powers are really for tv shows, the witch she always knows whats best and her friends are always on watch for those that think otherwise.........afterall being a witch it is common knowledge that intention is really everything....

Chaos ~ Image property of A Witch by
any Other Name

Mushrooms and Circles

About two months ago I started working with polymer mushrooms, for whatever reason I woke up one day and just started creating them.....all colors and types, spotted not spotted......all I could see was mushrooms and these little tiny settings.  As my hands started to create these little snippets of places filled with magic, the more I saw.....and the more the mushrooms around our property started to show up.  A few here and there at first, but all seemed to be at the corners of the property, little clusters of mushrooms......I noticed the first clump on my walk to check on the chippy feeding grounds and I was amazed at how they were growing in the driest part of the property, then the next week I noticed them under our large trees out front as the boy wanted to hide to surprise Papa.  At that point I decided ok the Fae must be happy with their homes and are protecting mine how wonderful!

Well then that is when things started to get interesting! I was standing on the back deck and could see this large mass in the lawn out back by the rose gardens, it kind of looked strange and made me want to go back there and check it out.  There was this large mushroom, almost looked like the ones I was creating in the house and putting in my gardens, but much much larger, it looked kinda glowy which I put down to the setting sun.......I decided to make that area off limits to everyone else, let that mushroom grow I told everyone and they did.....that was about a month ago.  Time marched on and I had alot on my plate and my mind and truthfully watched the mushroom grow from the back window but didn't go back there much especially with all the rain we were getting, then this weekend I went back there and had a look and what I found amazed me!

Looks like the Fae moved in, I am so enjoying now watching these grow and fill in, laying on the ground and taking these pictures all I could hear was chirping, such beauty and detail.......my heart is full with love for the Fae and so glad they have decided to grace my life with their presence and make it so very clear!  Cannot wait to see what happens next and how many of these pop up, but for I can already see the Fae Circle in the grass, I am already happy, blissful truthfully.........now to get the mundane on the same page! I have a feeling the Fae are here to lend a hand........

White Dragon....thank you!

Today was supposed to be the Red/Fire Dragon but he has other plans, some things he is still dealing with and would like to stay with me longer so now you get White Dragon as she wishes it to be....

Sometimes there are moments in life that you question all you are, why you are the way you are and what the next step should be....should you continue to open your heart? should you stop delivering the messages of Spirit? should you just bottle everything you are, pack it away like the oblivious pack up their decorations for each season, somehow feeling that they have lived up to what was warranted for that station simply because they put them out....is that what I should do too, pack it all away and feel that I tried so that makes it ok to deny the rest of it, the rest of my gifts given to me by a power so much greater than me.  I almost did.

I guess the third time was the charm, the turning point and deciding factor for me, so you would think that it must have been a positive experience that finally made me feel that I just cannot hide that under a bushel any longer but it wasn't actually.  Back at the beginning of this year this all started, a message, not unlike others I have received, pretty much like the rest of my life when I randomly receive a message for someone that considers themselves a part of my life, and yes I said they consider themselves a part of mine because in truth everyone out there is a part of my life we are all a part of a whole, while others may lose that concept it is never lost on me.......so when they come into my sphere and then want to be a part of mine many times Spirit has guided them here, to me, and the messages they came, so that one at the beginning of the year was for a sister, yes as angry as my very human side was with her she is still a sister, she though did not take this so well....it became a very ugly moment in time, ego played a huge part in her behaviour, with her new duties as a mod on a page she somehow had lost her way, it hurt, I cried and I was upset with Spirit for asking me to do such a thing, the sister now systematically destroying me, my reputation and business.....why could someone else not have delivered that message why me? that experience led me to pull away from this, stop listening to the messages that needed to be delivered and resisted, much to my spiritual detriment.

Although these messages are not new to me nor are their delivery, the reaction of some of the more enlightened well they are kind of new to me.....then the White Dragon came to me, showing me what was beneath all this, my own feelings of insecurity playing out in this scenario....truth is if this other sister did not want the message it was her choice to disregard it, her energy to deal with, the message was not about me it was between her and Spirit.  White Dragon showed me who I have always been inside, on the deepest most hidden levels that I have even kept from myself, working with this Spirit Dragon has made it impossible for me to continue without looking at all the parts of me that I have feared, yes feared seeing for so very long.....what I found in there, in me was the ray of strength, the white light tinged with gold, transparent where it needs to be solid where it wants to be and completely fluid, moving to and fro as my own soul does as well....I found a woman child hurt, that has stood up and fought her way back on every single shred of truth that came to her, reaching, clawing and refusing to be shoved into that box that the muggles have tried to do since the day of her birth....I found me......I found the part of me that has kept me going all these years, the one that took the hits when I allowed my own ego to come out and play and wreak havoc, the part that forgave me all those years ago and the part the held onto that dream when I was so young that told me I had a purpose....I am not here to judge I am here to deliver, call me your friendly neighbourhood Spirit Mailperson....I think that is the best title I have ever had!

That is when it happened a new message that I paid heed to, popped on and just delivered it, not thinking about it, until after I delivered it and waited and then suddenly the old feelings of oh no, I sure hope she understands this, many times I do not even understand the reason or the message....she did.....it was the moment that I knew ok, yes this is what I do.....but! as is my life nothing is always that simple because I took the step and delivered the message you would think the happy ending story line ends there and in the movie here I go back on track delivering Spirit messages all over the place! but no this is my life so of course the test to my resolve comes directly after my decision to start over, such is the way of my path.....and the ugly happens.......a message recipient has an issue, not one I delivered now but almost a month ago, one that I had allowed to stay connected due to a loyalty to the spirit of a passed on friend, something I always refuse to do but had broken my own rule and spiritually counselled a young person by ardent request of her mother......at first I was upset, angry wanting to lash out, then suddenly felt the white wing enclose around me....calm me, I could feel the love, the vision of it all coming back with such clarity.....the moment of knowing that no this is not what my reaction should be, this is not about me, but more their own inability to move beyond the state that they are in, and in this case being relieved from this service is a beneficial moment for me and one I am actually thankful for......Spirit Dragon guided me away from the ego that could have taken over that moment and transformed my hurt into ugliness, that has never been who I am, doesn't mean I haven't failed at it before just that I now forgive myself for it and choose to recognize it before it becomes something else.

.....in working with these Dragons I think I may never be the same again, in a good way.......its not about me I am merely a vessel.....and I am ok with that, I am marvellous with that!

Elemental Dragons - Let us start with Gold

Just about two weeks ago or so I was commissioned to make some special chalices, now I have been working on a set of 6 Elemental Dragon Chalices since then and it has been a wild, extreme ride so far.  As I started this project I really expected that it was no different than any other magical work I have ever done.  I connect to the energies and create, simple right? yes?

NO not so simple this time, Dragons they are different. I have worked with many Goddess' and Gods through my path work and through this walk, I have come across many of different types, feelings that were interesting and intricate and with each one yes I have found another missing piece of the puzzle as if each commission has come as much to show and teach me as to provide something for the person requesting it, but the Dragons well they have overwhelmed me, taken over, so strong their energy is.  It is unlike anything I have ever felt before....for years I have worked with them on the fringe of everything I do, not like this.  I have always kept a small section of my garden for my Dragons, collected water from its cup and used it as needed for protection and coverage, but this well this is just so different, now I am intimately acquainted with each one as I work with them.....I do not think this is something I can ever forget or be the same from.  They are intense, they are clearing and they are totally and completely encompassing.

Let me take you on a little bit of the journey so far and what it has produced, with of course permission from the client and sister that has me creating these beautiful pieces.....first there came the Gold Dragon...so strong, so feminine, so beautiful, soothing, protective....I saw her claw in my mind for almost a week at first, the colors mingling golds and yellows, finally asked my friend what colors of claws she wanted......when she told me I understood what I had been seeing........She ~the Dragon~ showed me a love I had never felt or seen before, something beyond a love of self, of others, of life, just something so pure so strong, this gold clawed Dragon which I let into my heart showed me that I was also strong, protective, that I walk a path that is unlike anyone else's, I am not to be part of one particular belief, I am me and I walk amongst many.....the certificate that hangs above me as I work suddenly very prominent in my mind.....regardless of what comes I am here for a specific purpose on this world, to be a bridge to walk with many and choose none as the only......I am here to be that Interfaith Minister that I started to walk towards about 5yrs ago, I need to keep on that path......yes I am a devotee of my own chosen Deities but I am not here to "convert" anyone else I am here simply to honor and respect the others as they walk their path, providing support where I can, encouragement when needed and always love.  The Gold Dragon she stays with me, she's got my back so to speak and I am so happy to have her join me on my walk, even though something tells me she has been there all along.........

The revelations did not stop there, when she was done, I sat with her, I hesitated to share her pictures on the page, I wanted April to be the first to see her, but she wanted to be shown, she was proud of her look and so was I.........She helped me heal many of the wounds that I found still festering in there, from the others along the way......She showed me all I needed to be and where I needed to go........and here I go.....

Now the energy of the Dragons spurred me on to the next one.....the Red Dragon....Fire......
he is a story for the next instalment!

The Queen Calls

I need to write, I can't write, I sit here staring at this white screen and my thoughts are all jumbled, so much going on in my life again.   I was starting to feel like the pressure was all getting to me, making me feel squirrelly, adding to that my empathic channels seem to be picking up all kinds of negative floating around, alot of hiding behind masks going on.  Then it happened, She reached out to me....

I have been beating myself up about letting go of my job, looking realistically at my finances and wincing knowing that I left the job about a month too early, one more month and I would have been able to have all my bills caught up and maybe a little bit of something in the bank to keep us going through the hard winter coming, but my mind couldn't do it.....that moment that it snapped and I sat there for so long that was it, so that moment I have been holding against myself....as much as I see the improvement in my home from my little one whose behaviour has improved but still has further to go, and my older son who is coping with his own issues due to the tumour, he is calmer, doing his current treatment and bless his heart worried about how we will afford it to continue....but he is no longer having to care for my little one while I lock myself up in this bedroom and make myself unavailable to both of them for up to 9hrs a day......but the realities of the world don't stop just because I did the right thing for them emotionally, mentally and even physically, monetarily I let them down.....this has really caused me to feel the very human guilt emotion to the extreme....... Like any other time when I feel this way, to blame, wrong, emotionally tortured I withdraw.....so the writing suddenly stops....the reaching out to friends stops, I start to just be here and there and nowhere.....elusive, reclusive and protective. I even this time withdrew from her......kinda floated away for a bit.....

Last Friday I was at the Farmers Market in town, really could not afford anything but the boys and I just needed to get out, pretend to be like everyone else.....and there it was this beautiful sign....black and yellow very simple....the word BELIEVE painted on it simply that is all, and when I looked it was only $5, even though I could make one and even though I really couldn't afford it I bought it and put it up on the shelf above Yemaya so that I could see it every morning as I woke.......then Saturday morning while changing the water from my lilies on that shelf the sign came crashing down and broke a lamp, funny thing is that lamp had never felt right on there since the beginning, nothing else was touched nothing, not even the other glass lamp right next to it.....I put the sign back up cleaned the mess and then went on about my business......the candles and my morning devotionals now hadn't been done for over a week.  I started cleaning and ridding myself of all kinds of old things, memories, the burn pile getting larger and larger, but still I did not light the candles.....in my cleaning I came across a few pieces I had made for her, and as I picked one up it crumbled in my hands.....and still I did not answer the call.....

Last night when the old guy got home, we sat in silence here in our room thinking about the day it was, the friend we had lost one year ago yesterday, the change it caused in our lives, the sadness we still feel that Michael is gone from this world......with one look we both knew we had to go up to the cemetery and pay our respects to him there......as we stood there, my husband put his hand in mine looked at me and said look I cut my finger today......as I looked at it, my eyes widened and I realized he had a perfect 7 cut into his finger.......it was shocking, it was a boom moment, an aha holy crap! when did I slip into this absence of her? when did I withdraw so far from her that it took so many things to wake me up.....it was like a flash, the lantern, the sign, the crumbling homages and then his finger........She called where I could not miss the call my Scorpion.....

Today all my candles are lit, the writing is coming back, the words are starting to clear in my head and I am not so jumbled, I am still coping with lots......I know this is a lifetime thing where everyday I have to tell myself that I can handle this, I am not alone, I am supported, I am loved....this is a lifetime thing to remind myself of all the good because it is so easy to allow the negative noise around to make those like me, the sensitives, the empaths, the healers want to withdraw back into their shells.....mother wouldn't allow me and I am ever so grateful that she is at my side....so on I go to find more ways to balance the witch I am to the witch that Yemaya sees that I am.....after all she is the Queen of the Witches......and I would do better to remember that everyday.

A New Year, A New Look but the same old me.....

As I sit today on my bed to write this, the Crow he lands on the wire in front of my window, him and the trees is all I can see.  My fingers reach for this keyboard more out of familiarity than using my eyes to see at the moment, so glad for spell check!, my eyes they aren't so good this week compounded by the week long massive headache that has relentlessly pounded at me, I am pretty much a right mess physically.  It's my birthday, wouldn't ya know.......that special time of year for most, always a bit of an emotional time for me this year seems even more so than ever before.  Have you ever watched a movie that you felt was one explosive moment after another, just boom, boom, boom and you were sitting there in shock of some in awe of others but at the end of that two hours you had run the entire gamut of emotions and left feeling still exhilarated but kinda tired too? that's what has been happening behind my eyes, in my mind all week, all month really.....the fact that I have to lay a number to the amount of years I have been breathing means I think about each and every one of them.

There have been many moments in those years, some of regret, some of elation, some I never want to revisit but always find myself doing so anyway, like the horror flick you don't really want to watch but find yourself stuck to just a few moments too long.  My life has been interesting, full and good, it has also been hard, difficult and painful.  For me there is always both sides even when looking at myself, maybe even more so.  I am not the same person I was when I was in my twenties or thirties, and definitely a whole different person than I was in my earlier years.  Sitting back acting like an observer in this movie of my life all week I watched my own progression into who I am today.  I still have alot of work to do, alot more growth on the horizon, but at this moment now in my life I am a hell of a lot clearer as to who I am, what I want, what I don't want and have found a strange kind of peace with these revelations I guess you would call them.  This hasn't of course been a sudden shock kind of thing either, this last year has been one of tremendous changes, stresses, pressure and growth for me, and yes truthfully I have struggled many times throughout it to keep going, many many times, giving up is so easy, so tempting.....but so not on the table for me......so trudge on I did, kept going through all those memories, every single one of them, until yesterday.......

What made yesterday different? well I am not sure, but I did realize that in all this time I have become somewhat of a recluse, never mind people coming to see me but the thought of leaving to go somewhere else somehow well it just doesn't happen for me, I always find a way out of it, not so sure when that started but now that I know its there I will definitely have to start pushing myself through it sooner rather than later......that revelation was of course directly followed by a low moment, a moment of tears and sadness that one person would not be here to say Happy Birthday to me........so here is my bit of synchronicity or Divine love you choose.....yesterday I cried like a baby alone in MY van, cried looking at your picture and begged you that if I could have one thing for my birthday it would be to feel your love and you near me just one more time, no one knew, no one was with me it was just me and you in the van, I dried my eyes and came home and didn't hide it all too well I am sure but it is what it is five years later and at times its just like it was yesterday......today someone walked in my home that never knew you, never met you and gave me a birthday gift, it was the first gift I opened today and she actually handed me 2 at once but the first one I opened after picking it randomly could not have been less random, it was a solar lamp for my garden and sitting proudly on top was a Red Cardinal, we watched and loved watching so many of them as I grew up I could not have gotten a clearer wish of love from you.....

What a week its been, what a life, what a joy, so much to be thankful for, today dad I really miss you thank you for loving me that much......no matter how old I get will always still be your little girl........I love you. So raise a glass and help me celebrate A New year, A New Look (thanks Tara!) and the same old me.....

Family, Friends, Faith and Ignorance

Sometimes you can keep looking for the silver lining and try as you might things will just get a hold of you, this last year has been like that for me, as much as I try so hard to stay on the positive side of things it feels at times that the pendulum swings wildly from one aspect to another.  Most days I just keep my head up and keep going and don't let it get to me, today maybe its the weather, maybe its just the final straw that won't let me keep my somewhat positive slant on things.  Maybe it has nothing to do with that and maybe I just need to allow myself to feel the anger, disappointment and sadness in people and situations around me.  Maybe it is time to let it flow out so that it doesn't lead me down a road of depression.  So have at it.....

Life is hard, we don't have an easy life here, there are no rainy day packets put aside for us, disposable income is something that we know nothing about, for quite some years now we live day to day and month to month, hoping the next one will be better.  Some have been, take for instance the job that I was able to hold down for a few months, I enjoyed it, I did it well, but it took such a toll on the family and my son that really was not in the space to be able to care for the little one while I was locked in the bedroom.  That's my life, my responsibility and I dealt with it, what else should I have done really? our issues aren't all money related but as a whole that is the biggest problem we have and I am ever thankful and grateful for the love we all have for each other, without it the money side would drive us apart like it does to so many others.

I keep my head up, I keep my chin up, yea yea yea I try to do all that but at every turn I am blocked by ignorance.  Ignorance that thinks I must be so different, oh no a witch in our midst.  So the ignorance grows. I had offered to help with abused women through the church here.  I am female, I have been a victim of abuse, and I have in my own times and in my former life in Ontario helped other women find hope, help and a way out of those lives, I had hoped to do it here again, but of course my ways, who I am and the fact that I do not make a secret of it somehow offends the women of the church.  It was not the pagans in my life that thwarted that, nor was it the pastor of the church believe it or not even him knowing who I am he supported it, he wanted it no it was the women, women who can't see beyond the end of their nose to care enough about humans and put aside their petty insecurities of themselves and their polyester pants!  what could I possibly have to give to another woman or help with that they cannot do in their sheltered lives that know nothing about the realities of abuse? can you tell I am a little annoyed! Not to mention that I also tried to help out with a certain charity organization here that deals with cats! (come on now a witch and cats!) and guess what happened? I dare you to guess.....that's right I bet you got it right? an organization that needs help, cries out for foster parents for kittens constantly, asks for donations of time and material to help them, you would think they would be all over someone like me that has fostered cats before, did NOT get paid for it, did NOT ask for donations for the care of the animals no I paid for that all myself, well my help was not wanted or desired.  I am hurt, angry and the tears that fall aren't for me, they are for the ones I could have helped but was denied a chance to.  Ignorance it really hurts more than just the ones you aim it at.

Still even as I write this and I so feel the strongest urge to say people suck, I still cannot stop myself from looking at both sides of everything right, that is just me, the damn Libra that can't just be on one side of the coin but must hop from side to side.....my door, the beautiful white door that I now have on my house....it replaces the brown one that was peeling, that the babe was getting splinters from, that we knew was letting in all kinds of drafts in the winter and that we could not afford to change......someone gave us a door, a beautiful white door, with pretty windows and a screen! and when my husband came home with it, I looked at the window and smiled it made so much sense....Family, Friends, Faith......the tennents I live by.......my Friends live in facebookland, my family well they are everywhere and my faith well its what makes things like the door happen, and the kitchen table that we needed, wanted and hoped someday we could afford to get since ours was literally falling down.....it may not mean much, and some may crinkle their nose at it, the fact that it was a found piece, something someone else had gotten rid of because it had a broken piece....its fixed now, the first thing laid on it was my herb harvest.....my husband fixed it and for Mabon he put the new door on and gave me a new kitchen table to prepare meals and offer love to my family on....that is my faith at work....faith sometimes is all I have had to hold on to.....now is no different.

Back to creating, back to believing that somehow someway we will all get through all this, maybe someday my faith in people as a whole will grow too.......there's that Libra in me again........