Some Moments of Reality and Olives

We have all watched those movies, the rags to riches things, where someone works really hard and then suddenly the big break comes and they are recognized and doors open, their troubles are over, suddenly they have all the money they ever needed and a new life filled with possibilities and joy, sadly we do not live in the movies though, the true reality of poverty is much darker and harder than that.  What those movies leave out or I should say squish into their 90 minute run is the amount of time it actually took those people to make it out of that big black hole that literally sucks you in.

POVERTY such a simple word that packs so much punch, a state of being that slowly strips everything and almost everyone from your existence.....things like patience, strength, faith, belief and even love take such a huge hit from this state, they get degraded, pushed down, tested and many times shattered by the realities of it all.  When you live in this state for a prolonged stretch of time it will completely change the way you view others and life itself, and for most of us once you sink into the state there is no easy way out, it is a required long haul.  I have seen many people try to pull themselves out, me included only to have something else drop and push them down further, always brings to mind the song Crabs in a Bucket, they stretch, claw and climb for their freedom only to fall back down to the bottom.  When you are poor every ripple is a huge issue to sort, cope with and get over, it is not a simple well shift it from here to there, no it is a desperate rush to figure out how to cover the new thing, the current issue and of course it always comes with phone calls to others that you may have promised to pay, those calls are never nice, they are always soul crushing, humiliating to a certain degree and of course they always remind you of how you have missed your commitment to them......here is the thing for me, when I am doing this it is not because I do not want to pay you, it is not that I necessarily want you to belittle me, tell me how terrible I am or how I have let the big utility company down, nope that is not why I am selfishly holding on to the funds so I can go have a party.  NO I want to pay you, but I also want to keep food on the table, a roof over my kids heads, the ability to make another dollar tomorrow so I can keep paying YOU! and the medications that my family needs, I do not even think of my own medications, needs or wants in any of this, it is all about meeting those commitments that sadly don't take into account anything that is happening in your life, it is all about the money.

I sometimes wonder what people who have never experienced this really think of those of us that live in the state of poverty.....I really do not think that anyone ever gets up one day and says well today I think I want to be poor! yea! that is what I want to do with my life, I want to know what it is like to live in constant fear of disconnections, lack, and anxiety over everyday little things, yes this was the dream of how I wanted to live my life. Of course as I was growing up it was what I dreamt of, going without to make sure the kids had what they need, I love the idea that my clothes are either gifted to me or I bought them so long ago I could read a book clearly through the fabric now because it is so thin and holey, these of course were my inspirations and my motivations to want to be poor......come on now, while I embrace the experience and love my life regardless of its monetary state, I would not wish this existence on my worst enemy.....poverty can break your very soul, for those that have not lived it, I wish you never do, for those that live it I send you strength, love and lots and lots of support, I am there with you it is hard, everything even getting a job requires money something most people never realize.....when you have children, health issues or in like in my case your own serious health issues, children with their own serious health issues and a few other things added to the mix conventional jobs are just impossible options.

Then we come to things like enjoying yourself, going out, doing things that cost money these options are not available, and everything costs, it does not matter if you think simply going to the beach is a non cost event, you are wrong, how about the fuel and the vehicle? not to mention the fee for actually going into the beach? We make do, we have fun here and have been known to pack up a lite lunch and picnic on our back lawn the boy and I as we watch the butterflies and bees play in the lawn, wonderful moment right? yes it was for us, but yet we have those that have come to our home and told us we don't have a life because we don't go anywhere, we don't travel what kind of life can that be? a simple one, but we find our happiness, the fact that when we say to these people these are not expenses we can afford, we prefer to keep food on the table, instead of understanding they shake their heads and judge......that's the difference between living in poverty and looking in from the outside.

This summer I worked really hard, I tried as hard as I could to make enough to go to one event, one very special time that I promised I would be at, but that beast poverty well it knew better, so even though I worked hard and I got as far as buying the ticket, I had to admit to myself on Friday that I would not be there......although those around me wanted to keep up hope for me it was time to say ok well there is next year, as disappointing as it is to know I won't be able to make it there, I feel a slight bit of victory in that at least this year I got one step closer I actually got a ticket! it may seem silly but that is how I cope with it all, I claim the small victories so that the big black hole of poverty won't suck my heart in again........I bend my wire, I create and I keep going clawing my way up that bucket, only thing I won't do is push others back into the bottom.....guess my way out could have been quicker if I wasn't trying pull others out with me, but hell then I wouldn't be me....I take gratitude for the little things in life, they make up a much greater and important whole for me now more than ever.

Let me finish off this very difficult post with a little bit of how I handle the disappointments, the moments of poverty that are just so overwhelming I think of the simple things that are just so beautiful......the moment my husband surprised me with a light bulb that had been taken apart so I could make my own witch's ball, the fact that I left him to do the grocery shopping while I finished something came back and realized he had bought olives, so simple right? not really he hates them, we usually can't afford them either but he wanted something nice for me that I love so he got them, when I looked at the little tub I must have looked confused, he asked me what he did wrong lol! I said well there is no black olives? he answered me with well yes I have never seen you eat them so I figured you didn't like them......I just smiled, he gets me, he knows, even something he doesn't even care for or can stand the smell of but yet he knows I don't like the black ones......later on Friday I sat quietly in the living room wrapping my wire, creating pieces for old friends listening to him and the 3 kids in the kitchen, he was making omelets for dinner for each of us, the chatter was lighthearted and loving, there were giggles and jokes and cries of MOM! Dad is bugging me accompanied by uncontrollable laughter......so tell me why do I need to go anywhere to have a life? I think even in poverty we have a pretty damn good one and who knows maybe someday Madonna will come calling for that special piece of wire wrapped jewelry and this crab will finally fly out of the bucket pulling everyone that was in there with her out too!  lol! dreams! an old friend used to tell the hubby and I all the time, what's the point of dreams if you don't dream big?

So! Dream big! love large! be kind! and try to understand and not judge, nothing is as simple as it seems, remember to add the humanity back into your life, and the lives of others when you can, the rewards are plentiful even if they are not quantitative they are qualitative.

Get Real, Get Human

I had a bad day yesterday, nothing horrible, no big disasters or triggering events brought it on, just a bad day, the stresses and pressures of the current movements of our lives finally got to be too much for me......so I did what I do best, I bent wire, shut my mind off and just let the energies work through me, as usual the beauty that was produced through my hands and heart connection amazed me.

My wire, the bends and the gems, the stones and the pearls....all of it is my form of meditation, how I handle the stresses in this life and they are MANY! On a regular basis the amount of situations, health concerns and other things I juggle is daunting at the best of times, yesterday was not one of the best of times.  I bent wire, I crafted pieces of beauty as I processed all the words that have flown around me, I looked and handled images of Mother as I let her fill me with her energy.  The burdens don't change when I do that, they don't go away but their pressure lightens, the ability to breathe becomes easier. To some what I am discussing is uncomfortable, others will find the need to classify this into one thing or another, for me it is simply me being human.

We all have days, moments and other things that sometimes just make the day into one of "those" days, we all know what that means when we hear the term.....for some of us we walk quickly the other way or scroll past, still in this day and age there seems to be a stigma associated with people having a bad day, or admitting it I should say, it makes people feel uncomfortable and uneasy so they then apply labels.....some worse than others, some more accurate than others as well and in the worst cases people like me get labeled as drama queens if we admit that things may be difficult that particular day, and we need to discuss this or seek out support.  Another one of those reasons I think that the thought of spirituality has been lost in our need to make life so ordered and organized.......removing what is perceived as ugly, distasteful or otherwise seen as weakness.  This is such a wrong concept in my eyes, and I stress that in my eyes, by no means am I professionally trained on what all of it means to do this, but I am human and from where I am sitting I find it extremely sad that other humans would rather hide behind the walls they create than reach out to help someone that may just need an encouraging word, a show of affection or even just someone to listen.  Why do we turn away? is it our own lack of understanding? is it that we think we are somehow superior because we can keep our mini moments or breakdowns from the public eye? does that make someone feel better? the fact that they can put on a mask and not let their own humanity show? for me it doesn't it just makes it more disturbing, how do they ever really know what they are feeling? do they even know how to support someone that may need it? or would they just walk away deeming it too messy to help another human soul?

I sort through all my feelings as I am bending that wire, my emotions with each turn and twist put in place in my heart and mind how I feel about everything.  This week I felt great sadness when I heard of the death of Robin Williams.......I wondered how bad his bad day must of been for him to take his own life....I lit a candle for his spirit and a prayer for his soul, and I let the tears fall for the sadness of him dying alone, for how alone must he have felt to do what he did.  Then I read the sheriff's report, that created even a deeper state of sadness in me, his wife thought he was still asleep in the morning when she left the home.....she didn't even know anything was wrong.......I sat here at this computer and let the reality of that statement sink in, as I looked at my husband I wondered how anyone could not know that their husband was not just sleeping, especially considering how he was found.  I don't understand, and I refuse to judge but the sadness of how bad his day must of been to get to that stage still had its impact and that last detail is one I will never forget.....so I bent wire.....and I processed.....and Mother led me through.

Hug those you love a little closer, when someone has a bad day don't walk away because it makes you uncomfortable, get in there, hold them up, offer to listen, to care, to love.....get uncomfortable, get human and for all the God's sakes get real.......we are all here trying to live a life that at times can destroy us, STOP labelling people! just help them and if you can't help them don't hurt them! Don't gossip and whisper in the virtual halls about who is having what breakdown, who is creating drama and who is not worth talking to.....realize if you are doing that then really it is you that is the problem, not the ones you point and snicker at........the problem lies not in the reality of the human condition it lies in the reality of the human desensitisation that we are all living in.  Stop and be honest with yourself, you may not like what you see but if you don't then the Universe in it's infinite wisdom will show you the lesson up close, because in reality everything in life is a cycle, as one friend so nicely pointed out to me the other day, what you send out is what comes back over and over.......we should all think of that when we see someone struggle under the weight of their burdens, don't walk away, bend down and offer a hand up.....be human.....be real, you never know what life you may save.....take the time to notice.

I wish for you all that you find the way through, that you have like me a way to process and cope with the world and what it can do to us......I wish for you all the miracles that being human can actually be.....much love to you all.

Full Moon Perspectives

Over the last while even though I have a new to me computer to use, I have resisted writing.....there were many times I started to write but then the words would dry up....just stalling in my mind and heart and I kept trying to push through but no that block was there for some time and it would not move!   I gave in and started to observe the world I was moving in, the interactions I was having daily......the ones I wasn't having where more disturbing.....

Empaths we are a strange breed, we can feel those around us, those that are close and even those that are far........for me I am like a receptor for energy, I literally feel what is sent my way and for the last while I felt disappointed in humans.  A truly palpable feeling of disappointment in the world, not a depressive condition, nothing majorly grave either just a general disappointment in humans.....the more I watched the more I saw it, so I bent wire and played with my shells.....I let Yemaya guide me, and show me the way through to the other side.

Reality is being spiritually awakened is no more than a term we all use, before everyone gets all uppity over that statement hear me out.....the term has been way over used.  I have watched people that claim to be attack others, write long ass blogs about how you have to pick your sides complete with long stories with someone else's moral attached when in reality those that walk a spiritual path realize there are no sides, no borders or boundaries that separate us all from each other.  Energy workers understand this simple fact, we are ALL connected even when you don't like it,  it is the reality of living on this planet we call home, and any small amount of spirituality when gained opens our eyes to this fact.  This is the reason that someone like me or other empaths are so disappointed at times, because we feel the degree of separation that is the result of ego that courses through the veins of some that profess to be so very evolved, elevated, or otherwise spiritually awakened.  Sad, very sad that at this stage of the game this has become a term that many hide their masks behind, while choosing to ride in cliques on their virtual brooms playing childish games of loyalty and coercion.  Nana Nana boobooo you can't be my friend if you are friends with her! oh goodness that so smacks of spirituality doesn't it? 

What happened to people? when did we all degenerate back to high school and grade school? I ask this quite often.  I have realized that things don't really change when we leave those places, no instead we all just grow up and socially we create the same situations again in our adult lives.  I was the one that sat back, did not join any group, did not choose sides and still will not.  I don't do that because I value one more over the other, or for any other sinister reason, I do that simply because each side believes in their own story, their reality, their truth.  Their perspective to them is all that counts.  I do not judge anyone's truth I simply try to understand and walk in their shoes albeit metaphorically, I try to see with their eyes, feel with their hearts.....and of course that lead me to the point of where this blog started disappointed........

Then the Moon rose last night and I was up at 3am to watch her in her beauty and gleaming ever so bright, and I sat quietly and let that wisdom flow over me, the knowing beams that filtered down and illuminated the dark.  Yemaya and the Moon, the moment and the chill of the morning, and then the words of those close to me......sometimes the Divine chooses to deliver a message when you are least expecting it.......there is no coercion in this statement; the like minded search each other out. How damn simple is that!! 

I search out like minded individuals in every moment of my life, sometimes successfully ~ sometimes not so much as the Nana Nana booboo ones can attest to ~ I do this because in those moments when my very real and clear existence as a human interferes with my spiritual growth, they remind me of this.  When I get lost in the illusion and refuse to see the truth, they gently guide me to where I can.  They do not judge, they simply try to elevate, guide and love me, those are the people I surround myself with, not because life is perfect but because life is completely imperfect......life will always surprise us with moments of ugly, distasteful or painful situations, being spiritually aware or awakened will not change that, it will simply change how you handle the experience, and when you have a very real moment and falter in that knowledge and strength, when you are really lucky your spiritual cavalry comes to the rescue to get you back up on that horse......and that is the reason that I do not use ego driven coercion to keep others by my side and shroud it in some misguided spiritual lesson, I wonder sometimes how many are lost in that thought, that very manipulative and misguided lesson.  I do not ask for loyalty, I ask for truth, when there is truth there is no reason or need to ask for loyalty as there is no reason to fear the lack of it.......my cavalry is not there because I profess to be a Super Witch, quite the opposite they are there for me because I admit my humanity and revel in it, and in the knowledge that I DO NOT know everything, I am simply a seeker like them, learning to walk this path in my own truth, adjusting my perspective every so often because I realize that there can only be true growth when we are honest with ourselves no matter how hard it is, and that means that what you see changes as your tunnel vision of me me me is lost........my cavalry rocks! just in case they were in doubt at all! 

So these are the words the Moon in her glory brought out in me, clarity of thought and emotional alignment for a clearer path forward.  Blessings to you all on this day! are you going to take some time to figure out what your words and thoughts are for today? and for me now back to my wire and the bending that I so love!

The Cracked Caludron ~ White Walls

The Cracked Cauldron 2nd installment

The walls are white that crisp almost blue kinda white, as if you have become lost in the deepest parts of the snow, as her mind drifts back to the snow.....the walk the time and the circle come back to remind her......

Snow purest of white, bare feet, 

cold, so cold it is hot

Whites that are blue

Colds that are hot

Moments that are lost

Here in this space and in this time the circle is cast

the chanting begins;

Air is light

light is dark

dark is night

within the walls of white

I call to thee 

oh Mighty one please; 

do what is right

and win the fight

My blood is pure

the answer is the path

healing in ancestral realms is the cure

With each step a decade is cleared

with each moment that passes there is less to be feared

 As darkness falls; Mother calls

Ride your wave my child

wild and free

your heart belongs to me

Your wish I grant

To cause no harm nor return on me

As you so wish I so mote it be

In the walls of white, the spell is cast, what has been called cannot be broken.

Stir the cauldron.....bind the spell. 

All will be well

Sticks and Stones

Sticks and stones will break my bones

but words will never hurt me

Bullshit! I remember singing this as a child, when I was being taunted in the school yard, truth was it was never easy for me in my life....but this isn't a poor me kind of post.

Words hurt, they wound, they make you bleed in places that others cannot see.  Words take lives, everyday, wars are created and fought over words in a book, this book or that book......words that lay claim on this piece of land or that one, even the one you may live on.....everyday someone in the USA pledges allegiance to their flag don't they? and what do they do this with if not words? The child that sits in the corner crying as the words of their abuser rain above them, do you think those words have not hurt them? The man that sits and berates his wife and children are those words not cutting to the quick?  When our mouths open and the words spill out with them goes magic, intention, weight, responsibility, pain, anger, love, and so on and so on, not once does the mouth open and words spill out that they do not carry an emotion, a thought or even at times their own spear.......you tell me how that universal rhyme could be true?  

How many of us remember the physical wounds of childhood? for me I remember a twisted ankle more because of the words that were uttered at the thought of taking me for care, I remember the stitches I needed on my leg more because of the words the doctor used to describe the bone it exposed, I never did see the bone......I remember years of crying, of being a sensitive soul ~ to borrow a term from my sister EagleSpirit ~ I was so misunderstood, when I was a child I felt everyone around me, it confused and terrified me, which I am sure is how it is for many empathic children and I was told to stop being so damn sensitive, to grow a thicker skin, learn to deal with the words others used to communicate....I thought there was something wrong with me then, and I realize today as I sit here and finally write this up, I blamed myself all these years for those around me that chose their words with spears rather than love.  NO MORE!  I never realized that for years, I fought that and carried the wounds that their words inflicted on my very soul.

I am an empath, a medium and a witch that will never change, and I am comfortable in my own skin and those wounds from the words yes they are still there, I will spend the rest of my life healing the child that was damaged by the words around her, BUT I will do it because with my words come responsibility, love, compassion, healing and yes did I say it yet?!  MORE love......I will not change my method of communication, I will NOT grow a thicker skin! my skin is my skin and I am more than happy in it! I will not accept words that come with daggers, you all can leave that shit at your own door I am quite a competent witch and have guards to take care of those crappy things you send, think and say.....I am no longer that child now I have taken a position of mothering that inner child of mine, the one thing that I learned to do in this life through my own blood sweat and tears, TONS of them! have you ever seen me defend one of my children? there is nothing I won't do and no one I won't take on, my mama Bear claws are long and hefty, and now I understand why Bear has been calling so strongly and damn am I ready!

Words....they hold power, they cast spells, they wind lives and make or destroy lives.....words that's right simple words...........

Sticks and stones will break my bones

but words will never hurt me

Bullshit! 

Remember to use them well, speak only the words out of your mouth that are dripped in honey or risk being forced to swallow those soaked in vinegar.......

A Channeled Moment

In the intoxication of youth we follow our brains thinking they are leading us, age creeps up on our heart and shows us where we missed, didn't see and lost what mattered most......if only when we were young we thought with our hearts, but we were made logical and lost parts of ourselves to create the other, we interfere, we do not hear the subtle cues of the Universe as it guides us sometimes gently sometimes not so much away from that which should not be in our lives, instead of hearing we push, climb and claw and do it anyway and when it fails we blame our hearts never realizing what we were listening to in actuality was our BRAINS!

Do not let your brain fool you into ignoring your heart, and blaming it for your own ego that leads your brain, for only when we listen to our hearts are we honoring the truth of existence and connectedness....the truth of Spirit

~ a moment of channeling............

Butterflies and Magic, oh SO much Magic

As the green fills in around us our piece of pie takes on a bit of a remote feel, and out in the woods kind of thing, that even though we know is not the case physically it never makes anyone that comes here ever feel any different, there is a kind of bubble around this place.  Every spring I watch it happen, everyone else's trees flower first, their gardens splash out color and mine has barely broken ground.....every year I look at the old guy and say the same thing "is it possible it has all died?"  It hasn't, no if anything each year they all come back stronger and fuller, and seem to last longer than anyone else's gardens........I have come to call this the bubble effect....and imagine how I chuckled not long ago when my friend came to visit, now mind she has been here a few times, says to me as she finally gets here after driving by us and says to me I just didn't see your house like it wasn't there till I passed it....she says strangest thing like a bubble, well at that point I just broke out laughing.....you see my friend is an energy worker and has done some wonderful work on me personally, she is a contemporary shaman and I can say I feel the amazing energy of the Divine work through her, at that moment for her to see and experience the bubble for me was just too wonderful......of course I had to explain what I found so amusing, so EagleSpirit, the boy and I walked around checking out how even my trees were behind that of the neighbours around us as far as blooming and flowering......isn't life with magic something wonderful?

You might wonder why I would consider this magical, or even consider this to be a possibility, so let me explain a bit.  Quite some time ago I sat in a cold white room, was told some very distasteful news, some very break your damn heart, make you rethink everything in your life kinda news right......you get the picture I am sure.....well up until that moment I had lived on the fringe of magic, it had always been there, there had been lessons, teachings and moments, even crownings but still I had stayed on the fringes of it all and let things, material, egotistical and physical things control my life.......thing is when you look at yourself in moments like that well you end up really not liking what you see, life takes on new meanings and well all those years ago I jumped headlong into it, I didn't look, I didn't question I just went ok then let's do this!  It didn't take too long I had given up my job, it was a 9- 5 clerical position with the city, it was a union job that paid well but well I wanted to let the gypsy in me out so I gave it up, I took my cards and went to find my niche, my path on the road to embracing the witch I had always been but only let out part-time.  I soaked up experiences and knowledge faster than any sponge you have ever seen!

There was this one experience though that took my breath away.....I was going to a client's home for a tarot reading party and as I opened the back gate I was surrounded by butterflies, countless amounts just everywhere Monarchs, I was standing in a swarm of them, and the flitted and flapped around me I was just taken aback by the sheer magic of that moment, I would have to say for me it was the first magical moment with nature that I experienced fully in the moment. I did not have to wait to look back to appreciate that because the sheer beauty of the butterflies and the magnitude of the amount of them was not lost on me or anyone else that was watching, and there were quite a few......it was that moment, the defining moment that opened my eyes to the magic around me if only I could open my heart and allow my eyes to see.  This weekend sitting at my little garden table, chatting with kids, I had just put my chalice on the table when a pretty yellow and black butterfly flitted over, she did not just fly through......no she made sure I knew she was there for me.....so she circled me, flew off a bit and came back and circled me again and again and flitted around me to which I thanked her for her dance and let her know I totally appreciated her love and she happily flitted away.  My kids well they just take this in stride but the smile is still there, as was mine.  I think that is when I realized the reason this life has not gotten the better of me, and why it never will.....I can still see the magic, my eyes still gleam in wonder and amazement.....even though I am almost half a century old, I still feel the wonder of the young child that looks at that firefly for the first time......I still smile and fall in love when they land at my feet......magic, the stuff of dreams, fairy tales and realities.

Butterflies, as you know, bring a message of transformation.....and I am so ready for that! She came to let me know that my decision, my petition to my Deity was being answered very clearly....it is time to take the next step and all things that need to be there for that step just fell into place......a special gown that I purchased almost 5 years ago, that did not fit me even then but I bought it anyway because I knew I was going to need it, just before I left on Saturday for my energetic alignment as I was walking by my dresser this piece just randomly had fallen out.......then during my alignment, the visitors and the messages that were delivered through EagleSpirit well they were further supportive messages to carry on forward.....I came back here and yesterday picked up that gown again, tried it on yesterday and it fits, quite well......I decided last night it was time to take that final step, so tonite as the moon grows full for me all paths converge.  What was once fractured is now whole.

It has been a long road, a sometimes treacherous one, faith kept me stepping forward and magic brought all I needed, when I needed it......and in truth every moment has conspired to bring me to this point, this magical moment where I finally chose and walk surefooted into the future.  What I am most thankful for? the fact that I still feel that rush of elation, gratitude, pure joy and happiness at the simplest moments of connection,  from the butterfly to the simple and majestic beauty of the ocean.....even the simple clover that hangs on this home, that hung on my previous home.....it truly says it all and like the butterfly I will continue to flit through on the wings of magic and sending peace and grace to all those that come across my path.

Magic is everywhere, you just need to open your heart and allow yourself to see......it really was the absolute best thing I ever did for myself......are you ready to step off your cliff and live your magical life?