I have spent some time looking at these wounds, and have dug down deep into the layers of me right to the core and I am not surprised to see that at the root of it all is the deepest fear of never being enough. Never good enough, smart enough, thin enough, beautiful enough or anything enough. These fears started as a child when I struggled to please those around me always feeling that I fell just short of what was needed, and later reinforced in my relationships with men, where one after another they cheated on me and drove home the point of never being enough. It has been the largest hurt in my life to have felt that way for so many years, it truly coloured every moment of my life, and every decision for many years. Is it possible that I have been carrying this around with me for many lifetimes? that I have agreed to carry this into all my other lifetimes because of a feeling of guilt in one? sometimes I almost can see those connections as they materialise in my dreams and I experience one or another of those relationships that I can almost remember fully in the moments before the Sun rises. Today I release all those agreements, those feelings and the guilt of having let others down in this life and others....I have told my kids for years that guilt is such a useless emotion, it holds you back and keeps you from seeing clearly what you need in life and what you don't.....turn guilt into a lesson learned and move along trying your best not to hurt yourself or others along the way, and that is what I am doing today. I release all of this and ask my Gods and guides for healing. I renounce all my fears of success, of letting others see me for who I am. I accept my light and allow others to see it.
My health has suffered for years because of all this I have held in, some will never be better, I will always have issues with my digestion, unable to sit up to eat to a certain degree....I will forever have a very limited diet as to what I can and can't eat......I will never live without pain in one form or another due to damage and degradation of joints....I will forever live in pain...I will battle mental health issues with panic....these are all simple realities for me, but I will continue to keep fighting back and getting up daily...moving forward and not giving up....I think it is the one thing in life that I have never figured out how to do yet, lay down and die.....one foot in front of the other, trudging through it all I will keep going. I write this today just because I feel it is time to admit to all I live through, the limitations, the mental health side of it all and the physical realities I deal with daily. Some would think that after all of that you would think that I spend most days in bed, and I probably should but I don't, daily I get up I create, I clean, I teach my little man in our little homeschool environment, I cook, I go to my moms every other day at a minimum to take her out to town, I care for my husband's needs and then ultimately I socialize with all of those on my Facebook page and my personal page....this makes up my days and nights. I take heat for my online life, and the amount of time I put into my page and my little business on Etsy, not from those that live with me actually but from some of my detractors online, and there are many....other witch pages that I have refused to play nice with for the sake of networking my wares, that will once again wage war on me for mentioning it, even though that are those on my page that are well aware of these tactics as they have faced them themselves with me....I carry the weight of my world literally on my shoulders but I keep trudging on. and I always will.....I release all of that as well.....May the Gods relieve me of the buckling weight of the judgments of mortals.
So much release for me with this Full Moon, some might think it is not the right time at this stage of the Moon but for me it is perfect timing....the healing I require is so grand and over the top that only a Full Moon release could do it for me I feel and so that would be why someone was guided to me to start working on me from a distance with intuitive healing to help me to see all of this. On one of those days where I did a card drawing on the page I was sent a message that changed so many things for me, Dawn is a wonderful healer with magical energy, she has done so much for me in the two treatments she has given me that I was able to share all of this without the normal panic that would set in to let others see the reality of my life, if you have not had the pleasure to make the acquaintance of her page please check it out on Facebook, Good Vibrations - A New Dawn, she is wonderful! I will gladly be accepting any more healing she is willing to send my way, keeping in mind that the visitors she had because of working on me demanded cake and carnations, a truly magical experience for me.
Blessings all, I hope you too are feeling relieved, refreshed and released from old burdens, bindings and beliefs that no longer served by the majesty of this Full Wolf Moon.