My Shield of Compassion

A couple of days ago I wrote a blog that....well it was difficult for me to do this....write about the indignation, anger and revulsion I had at that moment gotten to with all the ridiculous childish behaviour of so many witches on Facebook. I spewed it all, all that venom is now gone. I have spent today going through the comments on both the blog and the Facebook page, the responses were strong, supportive and loving but the undercurrent is a sad one, one that is so clear that so many of us fight daily for one of the simplest things of all, just to be ourselves. It made me sit back and think on my life, and as always when I reach the point of having a total explosion of anger over something so decidely unfair and malicious, the unavoidable empath in me feels the sadness of the world on her shoulders.

I have fought my entire life, for everything from the first breath to now. Life has never dealt me an easy hand, but I keep going. I have fought illness, both physical and mental and am left with a damaged body to function with. I have lived through abuse of all forms, the physical of which has contributed to the everyday issues I have, the emotional, mental and sexual abuse of course at times contributes its own demons, I kept going and I think that is when I developed a strong outer exterior, the Gods know before that I wore my heart on my sleeve, then one day I woke up and decided no one sees me cry, no one sees me fall apart, I stand strong against all that life brings forth, I defend all that I love, never caring or worrying about what will be of me. I have stood against men that would have loved to see me fall and women that plotted with them to make it happen, and still no one ever saw me cry or knew I was even remotely scared. Was I? well of course I am by no means superhuman but there is this vein in me that refuses to allow those that tried to hurt me or those I love see what they did to the heart inside the core, for their trouble they were served up strength, defense and protection from them; all fueled by an inner anger against all that is unfair. All this remembering though brings with it it's own pitfalls, not sure if this is the same for other empaths but for me it causes me to re-feel all those feelings, all those instances.

Women, we have all fought so hard for our lives, since the beginning of time, against others and from within, women pitted against each other, it is so very sad that those that fight many of the same battles choose to forget the struggles of their own, stepping on each other to reach the top of the heap and wear a crown of crap. As I started to feel the anger well up in me again at the unfairness of it all at first I was disappointed in my own feeling of anger, fearing that this is what happens to me now after all these years, my armor goes up and that made me sad....then I felt a strong voice inside me say NO follow the anger, so I allowed myself to ride the energy until in all those thoughts, after every twist and turn it took me to a curious realization....I am very defensive of those I love, the anger is the shield I cloak myself in to protect them, it is not who I am....come at me with anger and I will meet you with such fury you will be shocked, the harder you are to me the harder you will feel me be to you...there is only one way to disarm me, and it is a very simple one, one that others seem to never grasp....the only way to disarm me is kindness, plain and simple.....I have spent so much time fighting for my right to live that the only way to make me drop my harder exterior shell is to show kindness, not necessarily to me but to anyone, any display of kindness and I will openly cry, overcome with emotion for the humanity of a simple kindness or a loving word...in all my hardness, in all I have swallowed through the years and fought to uphold I have NEVER not had a word of kindness, a helping hand and a shoulder for someone to lean on....rather than judge I try to understand, place myself in their shoes and to walk alongside them.....it really becomes an eye opener when you do that.

When I sit and think of the overwhelming love and compassion I feel for those that reach out to me daily, I wish I could find a way to help you all and myself, make this place a fairer world, one that recognized the beauty in us all, I wish I could fix the wrongs and make them never happen again....and most of all I wish it was a world filled with kindness. A world where the ego of another never hurt you, where they were able to put you before themselves, maybe a world where we were really our brother's and sister's keepers....I know so very pollyanna of me...well then I guess I am guilty but wouldn't it be such a wonderful world if we all found a way to help each other rather than hinder? where we all felt protected, loved and supported by each other....I know we can't have it all, but we can try in our own ways be kinder, more loving and compassionate for each other...you want to disarm me that is it right there....be kind.....fill your own circles with love, support and compassion. Help those that come your way, sometimes you have no idea how much you can save someone just by showing you care.

We are all witches, now be kind, be compassionate and be human as well.