17 December 2014
My Yule letter
I'm older now but I am more me than I have ever been, at times the reality of this brings tears of emotion to my eyes spontaneously, suddenly overwhelmed by the sheer expanse of who I used to be to who I am now. I was digging around in my heart this last bit, thinking that now there were no more corners left in it that I had not explored when I realized that no there was one little bit STILL left hidden, locked away too painful to deal with...this last year, well since February it has been one hell of a ride, of clearing, and dropping old luggage, things that had taken residence in the darkest corners of my heart, long since now covered with so many cobwebs I barely knew they were there, but they were still leaching out their venom every so often. I have to say for years I like most people read horoscopes but didn't pay much attention to anything much about the actual planets and where they were in the sky other than the Moon I wasn't much interested in Astrology, but after this year and following the cardinal cross, the alignments through the time since and seeing how it has played out in my own life I must give it a ton of respect....some days through this year it was the warning in the planets combined with my prophetic visions that prepared me for the hard shit I have dealt with.
This has been one of the hardest stretches of inner work ever for me! Control, yes with kids every mother knows that they have to take care of everything....know everything, and be prepared for every moment! hardest thing in the world to step away from that and do as Yemaya tells me; Ride your wave my child......the wave that has now taken me to to the bottom of Hecate's cauldron, conversations and moments that run deep as I stand between the two that walk with me and guide me on my passages, my transitions and faced my own shadow and light. A lifetime ago is now almost forgotten, the person I was is like someone that you vaguely remember but can't place their name....the sadness that used to be there for that little girl is now thankful for that pain that brought release, freedom from shackles of convention, and very necessary growth, the alternative very clearly a death of my spirit, a life in a shell of nothingness. That pain set me on the road to me.
On Monday I decided it was time to slash and burn, let it all go, all the things that I have worked on so hard to understand this entire year, one of those things with me I do not necessarily have to agree with people I just need to understand their motives, if I can do that then it stops being an issue for me. This is not a small undertaking, and me well I am like that Ironman runner you know, gone through so many of the different parts of the course and now is at the virtual end, the finish line in sight the excitement comes and you cross it on a high......then the exhaustion kicks in and although in your mind you know how great this is, the prep, the work, the reality of what you just put yourself through still leaves your emotions slightly red and raw, and your muscles numb needing to rest to regroup. I imagine standing at a window looking out and wondering what is next on the circuit, what is the next step on the path? then my heart says it matters not you know to just step and the path will materialize under your feet......trust, believe, have faith the real lesson of your life, to stop, to trust and to let go.
So here is me letting go; To all those that have hurt me, to those that I have hurt, to one and all.....I send love, I send forgiveness and I apologize for the ways in which my life may have caused hardships in yours. I wish you the best, blessings, abundance and much love.
To the Gods and the Ancestors I say; I seek no earthly leaders for my faith, trust and love is in the ones that have always walked alongside me long before my birth. Thank you for all you have given me in my life, my heart overflows with love and your glow fills me. I lay my heart in your hands, in faith I continue down my own road, dancing to the beat your drum.........I pledge to never forget and to always serve you with an open heart.
My words, my life, my path......Blessed Yule to you! May Blessings of love, peace, prosperity and health find you one and all!