Yesterday was a different day for me, for the first time in months I could move my arm...after surgery and the endless trips to drain the wound, finally after doing my own physio because of course I cannot afford to get it professionally I was finally able to lift my arm over my shoulder...should have been a great day. I was able to drive myself, my mom and my son to town for the first time with no pain or fear of having to move quickly with the pain in my arm I was all ready to face the town and off we went.
Things were great, we were doing well, stopped at the mail, got my mum a new fridge since hers has been pissing all over the floor for a bit, even had a few laughs with the woman at the appliance store and off to the pharmacy I went.....some hard moments there while I looked for something to strengthen my hair, sadly Lyme is taking my once full hair and making it fall out in bucketloads. I have been watching it fall for months and finally my husband could not pretend anymore and admitted yes its getting very thin.....so I went in looking for Biotin...yes I found it but still this was enough to make me feel very low and as I pulled into my local grocery store I told my mom to go in and I would follow when I was feeling a little better.....I sat in the van and cried, my son in the back seat was thankfully engrossed in his tablet so he hadn't noticed....I sat in the handicap parking space and wiped my eyes, listened to Nazareth and prepared myself to go in the store....big breath almost ready....key on the ignition to turn it off, then you pulled your big ass truck into my parking spot....not into another handicap parking spot but actually onto the yellow bars that are part of my parking spot....I remember sighing and debating whether I should say anything or not, I was still feeling very vulnerable and exposed with red eyes, but when you opened your door and almost hit my van I opened my window and nicely told you that is not a parking spot, it is actually a part of my spot....you responded with I am handicapped, and I told you I am as well but that is still not a parking spot, there are 3 more available choose one....well you slammed your door shut, your wife got out and went in as you stormed around the other cars and quite easily backed your truck up into another handicap spot. For me I thought this was over as I watched you walk into the store. You were in there less than 2 mins as I was telling my son to get ready to put his tablet away because we were going in to get cream and some things....just as I put my hand on that ignition you came barreling out of the store....headed straight for me....I have seen that look before...
What you didn't know was that I am a domestic abuse survivor, I am also a rape survivor and I walk very gently in this life because I deal with anxiety, panic and C-PTSD from my past experiences with angry men. I told my son to head to the back of the van, as you approached and raised your hand to punch my window...I opened it, you started attacking me, with your hand on my window while flipping me finger, telling me I did not need this spot and how dare I be selfish and sit in it....did you have a right to do this? no but you did anyway....I had my phone in my hand and had tried to take your picture and start it recording but did not get it started in time to catch you and all your vile behavior, no you were lucky in that moment that my panic and fight or flight response made my fingers not work and I was unable to catch you asking my SON if he was learning from his mother.....yes I lost it at that moment, finally had the phone working and I lost it when you spoke to my son with Aspergers.....how dare you? did you know you were causing so much emotional issues? did you know you were being a bully? yes you did! but did you care? no you did not! over a parking space that you tried to take that was not even yours! I was already parked in it but you somehow felt your white man privilege meant you were somehow more entitled to take whatever you wanted...I guess that poinsettia that you and your wife needed to buy was so important that you totally trampled on the rights of a woman and child that were already in the spot you want.
I watched you walk away as my mother came out of the store, I prayed you would leave her alone and not start with her as well, but you raised your voice across the parking lot and acted so proud of yourself, because of course I appeared to be the shrill one, the one that was screaming at you at that point to leave me alone and be on your way....yes I called you an asshole, yes I told you you had no right to judge who uses a handicap parking space....do you realize how hard it was for me to go to my doctor that I have known for 25yrs and even discuss this permit? do you know he almost cried and felt bad to tell me he was marking down that it was a permanent disability....did you even know that not long ago I could barely walk without help? or that standing for more than a half hour could make me fall to the floor? no you did not! did you care? no you did not! All you cared about was that you felt you were somehow justified to walk up to someone else's vehicle and threaten to hit it, and try to intimidate a woman and child and I watched you, you walked away feeling good about this with your wife.
You did not think about any of that or even the fact that the whole scenario started due to you invading a parking spot that already had a vehicle in it. It was not even like there weren't other spots available, there were 3! two of which were even closer to the door than the one you tried to take and violated my own personal space.....but yes your privilege meant in your head everything you did you did out of some right that you did not have, other than you are a man and I am a woman and it was ok to try to intimidate me. Let's be clear you could have let it go at the I'm sorry thats not a parking spot but you chose not to, you made the conscious choice to do what you did and you walked away laughing thinking that you somehow had stood up to a horrible person that was taking a spot they did not deserve but you were wrong....what you actually did was act like an Ogre and take pride in your own bad behaviour.....the Gods are large and they see everything and as I write this I know your comeuppance will come, and it will be grand when it does....its a small town I know I will hear about it, and will probably light a candle of thanks when it happens but until then I will deal with the aftermath of your ignorance, selfishness and privilege by loving my son a little more, holding him tight and reminding him that not all men are Ogres, some are kind and helpful and that no he does not need to be afraid to go to his favourite store in town....no he can still go there and say hi to the owner, and be all proud when he says hi to him by name.....the only good I found out of the whole situation was me having to admit to my child that I should have used my words better and not let the mean man make me so angry that I lost control of those words....you see what I did there? yes I took your bad behaviour and made it into a teaching moment because that is what I do, I put myself aside and helped him understand....and then I explained it to my mother who at 75 was quite scared of your actions as well....I dropped them off at home and parked my van in the shelter and cried.......and cried until I could go in my home and not let my son see me falling apart because of you.....it did not help because the Aspergers freak out came, and I held my son while he cried because he felt he could not defend his mother from you.....the mean man at the grocery store, that is what you will forever be in his eyes, so when he runs into you in this town again and freaks out, remember you caused this...
Now go on and enjoy that plant and give it to whoever you thought you would stop and get it for, tell them the story about how you told a woman off in the parking lot and how you felt like such a big man after that....it is probably the only time you feel like a big man is when you are trying to intimidate women and children....the Gods are big and they see everything.
I never did get my cream.....
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