16 March 2016

The Hardest Job of all ~ Parenting

This year seems to be one moment after another of realizations, release and tears...not all bad ones, some are joyful and the moments of letting go within them are wonderfully fulfilling but still there are many tears....emotions for many are just flinging around madly from one end of the spectrum to another, and with everything that I have read in the last while from many different astrologers 2016 is the year for tears....I have to agree! So far this year I have been driven to the point of anger with Facebook "witches" and I use that title loosely for them, I have felt huge emotional baggage fall off me as I have literally cut away ties and connections that do not serve my greater good, and trust me when I say some of these were people I would have never thought the day would come where we parted company.....I did cut those cords, with authority as my old guy would say. Today's release is parenting.

These are my feelings, perspectives and experiences ~ Parents and families come in all kinds of configurations these days, this is something I highly support and respect. Creating a child is actually the easiest part of it all for most of us, bringing them into the world and raising them is not quite as simple. There may be a million books on how to parent a child out there, some I am sure are very helpful but the truth is each situation, each child even within the same family can be night and day different from each other. My dad used to say on one hand we have five fingers, not one is the same, even though they all belong to the same hand....much like families. In our blended family there are six ....yes sometimes I feel like the little dutch boy with my finger in the dam! let me tell you! I remember thinking when is the day going to come that the "you just don't understand" drama is going to end, when will we be able to sit and discuss things, share ideas, watch their families grow, when can I breathe and not worry about the hurts they will face...the times their hearts will break? Now I look back and think those were the simplest times, the wonderfully loving family times.....the problems then were simple; someone stopped talking to them at school, they were late on their homework and oh no! don't tell dad I like this boy.....there was even the time that our son brought home a karaoke tape of two little girls singing to him, simple problems.....then they grew up,  things became so much more complicated...their problems so huge now, hearts broken, revolving doors of moving home and moving out....issues of huge amounts of money that we had to cover when promises were broken, responsibilities walked away from....just horrible situations with consequences that can never be taken back....all of these moments cut through with moments of extreme joy marriages, grandchildren, Yule's, birthdays....graduations, eyes filled with proud tears....the highs and the lows are so much bigger the older they get, we never stop feeling for our children, biological or not....even though I believe they can never firmly grasp that until they have children of their own....after all neither did we, I fully admit I did not get it either.

Remember your parents they are people too...we are much more than just mom and dad, even though we love those titles, we are still people that have our own feelings, our own needs and even require our own boundaries, yes even from you. There are many aspects to parenting, things that we learn as we go, it is not something that we grow up knowing, or even that our own parents prepared us for.....reality is that as you are reaching for your independence we as your parents are terrified yet realize we have to find a way to let go. This shit is hard for us, but as you so forcefully let us know sometimes, it is your life and we must let you do it your way, this is something though that goes both ways, once we do that you cannot call us in to save the day as your storm troupers either. We support you but we do not fight your battles for you, unless of course there is a very good reason that you are infirm and unable to fight them for yourself.  There are those of you that fly wonderfully, stumble a little here and there and then learn to make it all a part of your dance, this being something we hoped you would get watching us....truth is there is no roadmap to success and there is no sure fire way of doing it all right, just make it part of your dance....we will love you, support you and help when we can. Try not to involve us in your relationship issues as best you can, we are still your parents, our claws come out just like that mama Lion to protect her cub, we don't mean to look at your exes like that but hey we love you, it is sometimes much harder for us to forget the state we saw you in, and once you fill our minds with you having walked through fire, all we can see is the aftermath of the flames...but still we put it aside, stomping on it when we have to and try for you. Those of you that chose to not embrace adulthood, well there is only so far that you can expect us as your parents to prop you up, this has nothing to do with not loving you, not wanting you or even any kind of twisted retribution, child of divorce, evil step parent bullshit you may dream up, we still love you, we just cannot keep fixing your shit, or you learn nothing....you are adults, whether we agree with your decisions or not they are yours to make, the consequence of those decisions good or bad are also yours to deal with...you made your bed...all of us as adults have to learn to take responsibility for our actions, make good decisions and when we don't, well we have to learn to own up to our fuck ups....you do too! As your parents we do not expect perfect kids, no matter what age you are, we expect you to tell us the truth, to try, to be kind, considerate, understanding and respectful.....you have no idea how hard it is to parent until you have your own children....there is no other job on this Earth that can ever explain to you what it feels like to be your parent.....no matter how many kids we have, we do love you all the same, in very different ways.....you complain about having to deal with your parents but for some of us we have to figure out how to deal with you, your siblings, your pets, your friends, your teachers, your bill collectors, your business, your spouses and significant others, your relationships with each other and your extended family and so on and so on.....it is not such a simple thing..this is not a complaint but merely a hey you! try looking at this through our eyes....each time you soar we cheer you on, when you fall we try to help you keep going, when your heart breaks ours breaks with you....we love you, we are your parents, that never changes......no matter what, even when we have to distance ourselves from you, because sometimes no matter how strong we love you we HAVE to let you learn on your own and fall if you must....yes even then it is because we love you that we pull away...and trust me when I say, never in our wildest dreams did we ever wish to have to do it....parenting is really the hardest job of all, and one that even doing the right thing can still leave you feeling empty inside when tough love happens....its not easy and no it does not come with a manual, it is hit and miss and we do the best we can whether you believe it or not.....all of these realizations come with maturity, we hold hope that you will get this basic truth someday.

Normally people say walk a mile in my shoes, to really get this I tell you to walk a lifetime in mine...until you have live your life well, respect your parents, never forget to tell them you love them, you never know when you won't be able to anymore and that is a whole other can of worms you really do not want to dig yourself out of....something I learnt the hard way myself....when I speak it is from experience, I try to keep my yap shut on things that I have not lived myself.

I leave us all with this; there is another Eclipse coming on the 23rd, a Full Lunar Eclipse, prepare for more release, and since this is the year of tears, make them worth it, let them wash away all the dirt, sand and dust from the past that has hung on, start fresh, move on and be you....be gloriously you...live your magic, ride your wave and may the Gods bless you all! life is short make the most of it!

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