Now I know my ABC's

Some time ago two very precious friends and sisters of mine gave the blog a couple of awards, of course me in my very late to the party fashion did not get on it right away, and had other things that were taking up my writing abilities you could say, now is a whole other matter so for today let us start with the ABC's!

Ok so now I am supposed to tell you all something that corresponds to the letter of the alphabet......this should be interesting, so me and my trusty coffee are ready here goes!

A.  I have a ton of Attitude.....as much as I blame the old guy for the kid's attitudes they get it from me! their lack of filter is him! lol

B.  I like to just BE

C.  Cats are my favourite cuddly, evil creatures to have around and love

D.  I love to just Drive, no particular destination just drive and let the energies take me where I need to go.

E.  Yes I can be evil, but they say knowing is half the battle right?

F.  I use that F word alot!

G. I Garden, the moment I can step into my gardens barefoot is the moment my spring and summer come alive, then I can be found the rest of the year head down, butt up in the air in my gardens....it becomes my church.

H. I aim for Happy everyday

I.  I fought for my Independence

J.  Jewelry! I love Jewelry! I love to create it and share the beauty I see in everything with everyone! If I could I would just give it all away! 

K. Kids lol I have 6 of them ages range from 32 all the way to 4, everyday I sit an send each one some love whether they want it or not or whether they feel it or not its sent.

L. LOTTERY! my dad played it every week, he always hoped to win, to honor him I started playing it after he passed......WHEN I win I am sure I will be broke again within days, why you may ask? see K for explanation!

M. My heart Melts on a regular basis!

N. I wish all the time I could have become a Naturopath Dr.

O. In case you hadn't guess I am very ODD!

P. I taught my children that Perfection is an illusion so just be real.

Q. WTF goes with Q! I am not Quiet is all I could come up with!

R. Red, I love Red....although blue is my favourite color and I wear all black always, red is the color that mesmerizes me and calls me always.

S. No matter what, no matter how hard life is, how much poverty or the nasties of the world try to kicks my ass, I am a Survivor......expect it, cause I know it, I will Survive

T. my given name is Teresa although I have never liked it so Tess became the norm.

U. I am always Unique, in the way I see things, the way I process and the way I express myself....I actually hate to be part of the crowd!

V. Victory is coming, first gotta get through all the muck left by the deserting hordes of nasties.

W. I love being near Water

X . Xanadu is a song that never leaves my brain for some reason, didn't even watch the movie but the song since the first time I heard it has stuck in my head and randomly find myself humming it at the strangest times!

Y. Yemaya is my mother.

Z. Some day I want to visit Zaire 

I did it! I really did not think I could do that ok! so now onto the next award because of course I was so lucky to be given two!

So for this award I am supposed to nominate other bloggers to give this award to, but alas since I waited this long they have all done this already! sorry you all! but I do love ya! you know it too! As well I am supposed to share 11 things about myself, not sure what there is left you all don't know but here goes!

1. I follow my own kind of Voodoo path, and yes I am a witch.

2. I was actually born in Portugal, small island named Pico.

3. I have spent the last 8 years correcting and forgiving myself for the mistakes of my youth, and repairing the damaged relationships that can still be fixed.....and letting go of the ones that never will be.

4. I am an only child, as shocking as that is sometimes it is true.

5. I have had prophetic dreams and visions since I was 5.....hidden much of my life, but they have always been there.

6. I miss England every day, my heart is there and everytime the plane takes off to come back here I cry and think I may not see it again.

7. I am an Empath, I cry alot, no they are not all my tears, but my heart accepts the pain others need to let go of and helps them to process it.......I am happy to be a Sensitive Soul in this world.

8. I am also a Medium, and all these things the dreams, visions, empath and Medium are just a part of me, I have lived with them for so long and dealt with all so long that it doesn't really come into my mind anymore what is happening it just does, if you get what I mean.....its just a part of everyday life now.

9. Yes I am writing a book, yes it is a very difficult one to write, it is not filled with witchy lore or spells, it is filled with the life story of this witch, its a long drawn out affair with lots of heartache, drama and joy, so these things take time......my current deadline to myself is the end of this year to be ready with a rough draft! we will see how this goes!......if I should ever get to the about 12 notebooks of writings it might just happen!

10. I create lots and lots of things, sometimes Jewelry, sometimes witchy nick nacks.......there are two reasons for the range of things I create, ok well maybe three......one I create as the vision of what wants to come to life hits, so that means sometimes its not jewelry, it is whatever Spirit wants.....two I have a little bit of ADD I think lol so I need the changes to keep myself stimulated and open to the energies....and least of all the reasons is sometimes in this life of poverty I create with what I have available......its the way of life always be thankful and grateful for what you have, do not look at what you don't have.

11. I decided a while ago that I was going to live happy, be positive and realize that the faith I have clung to has saved me many times and will never let me down....the Divine is always watching and that is all I ever need to know......and trust.

Have a great Woden's Day!

It's that day....

I warn you now unless you are made of stone you will cry......

Today, it's here....and I wrote this yesterday......

Why has it been five years and yet I still cannot get the images out of my brain? why can I not just remember the good moments.....why are they so easily pushed out of the way by the last image of him laying on that floor, with me kneeling on the ground cradling his head and begging him to stay with me.......the image never leaves it fades every so often to that far away place in my mind and then comes back in moments to surprise me like a flash and remind me that nothing is forever.....no one is invincible......and tomorrow is not promised to anyone.

Each year I think it will be easier to deal with this day, this entire week......when I knew he didn't look good and he wouldn't listen and asked me some foolishness about what color did I want him to paint his face, he had all kinds in the basement......I remember how I bit my lip just before I asked him if he was going to be an asshole till the moment he died........yes I spoke to my dad like that, comes from him telling me all my life to speak my mind, also comes from working on endless construction sites with him......times where he was the boss and times where believe it or not I was......I bit my tongue that day though and didn't say it, thinking in the back of my mind if I don't say it it won't happen right? wrong, 5 days later I got a hurried call from my mother and the scene in the ensuite happened.  He never got up from there, the last voice he heard was mine telling him I love him......the last tears he felt fall were mine, I was the last person to hold his hand and touch him while he was still warm.......while he was still here.......in that moment I lost my hero.....all I knew, all I ever was, and all I ever would be disconnected from anyone before me.....some might think well at least you got that moment to tell him, some might even think how I should be glad of the moment of being there with him.....let me tell you I am not, its not like watching a movie, there was no supporting characters to help me through the moment....the reality is there was my father and there was me, it was not a moment that he just peacefully went to sleep and it will forever haunt me......you don't want this memory.......the only part of it that gives me any comfort is that in that moment I may have given him some comfort.....that is all......that maybe he felt my love for him.

I try to stay positive this day, I remember his smile that lit up a room, his golden eyes that he loved to tease people over.....even when he would flip up his eyelids to totally creep out everyone else, of course me being his daughter I was the only one brave enough to walk up and flip them back down.   I remember being a child and being so proud of him, he was so good to everyone.  I remember the day I told him I was getting married, he climbed the grape trellis and sat on top of it, insistent that until we all had a glass of wine to celebrate he was not coming down......I remember when my first child was getting set to be born, the nurse asked me would you like your mother to come in and I said no I would really like my dad though....well she looked at me incredulous and said no we can't do that, to which I responded with the most hysterical of reactions considering where I was what was happening and the issues we were facing, needless to say when he walked by her on his way in to see me as I had requested he leaned in and told her how dare you! tell me I can't see my daughter! where were you ever brought up! sad! hehe that was my dad! he had a big mouth, a bigger attitude, and if you fucked with him well let's say you felt it.....in the same token he had a heart of gold, generous to a fault, his word was his bond and he was the kindest and gentlest man I ever had the pleasure to know and the fact that I come from him makes me smile everyday.

Today as I light my dragons blood I will be looking up there at your altar Pai, I hope you see my heart it will always have you in it, everyday I will continue to say good morning to you when I wake up, and yea every so often I am sorry but I will cry for the moments that we lost and that for the one I wish we could have right now......I am doing the best I can........I love you. I am everything I am because you loved me.  I know you hold me up, I feel you when my knees buckle, when this life just gets so tough that there is no choice but to grin, bear it and keep going.......I know now the disconnection never happened, you just took another form, now you are the angel that watches over me.......I know.......

I love you

<3

Dreams

I dream of a time of stillness
a time of love that permeates all we know

I dream of a life that is simple
no fears just peace

I dream of a home that is warm
inviting, that has room for all

I dream of being surrounded by those I love
that love me

I dream of a world free of pain
hurt, war, violence and bloodshed

I dream large
don't you?

Passions!

Please enjoy the look around in the pieces I have created since the last blog post sharing my passions! I love beautiful things and am lucky enough to be able to create them and share with all of you! 

Have yourself a beautiful day! 

 Should you be interested in any of these they can be found in my Etsy shop located here........https://www.etsy.com/shop/WitchsChamber as well please come by and visit at my Facebook page located here........https://www.facebook.com/witchschamber

Thanks so much! as always I welcome orders for custom commissions! 

Blessings

<3 Tess <3 

Just cause its time and its Tuesday

So I have been away from writing for a while, not so much that I have not been creating because I have, lots of wire has swirled around me, creations have come easily as the energy wields itself into some new pendant, bracelet or ring.  The gemstones seem to know exactly how they wish to be shown, where the wire will sit naturally and where it will fight against me, finally making me give up and just allow it to do as it sees fit....a lesson that was not lost on me as I looked at my torn apart fingers, jagged, dry and in some instances bleeding.  How utterly perfect that in that moment, the story of my life flashed through my brain, seen as small snippets of pain, anguish, hurt and joy.......was there more pain and anguish really? hell yes there was, not just in my mind but in my reality, and there went those connections again....suddenly seeing the strands of connection in my life, just like the silver plated wire that runs through my hands as I twist and meld it into place.......the scars on my fingers are nothing compared to the scars on my heart.  But hell I promise you this is not a sad blog this is more of a kind of rant, even not that either, more of a wtf? seriously? what has become wrong with our world??? yea its that kind of blog.

See in working with the wire and learning to allow it to mold itself it suddenly hit me that I could avoid all the gashes on my fingers by doing that one simple thing, rather than directing it allowing its natural direction to make itself known to me! Imagine if that little tidbit had sunk in for me all those years ago??? Imagine if I had learnt to listen to my inner core as much as I listen and feel the energy of the wire and stones I work with now? the scars might not have been so bad but at the same time I realize they were necessary so that right now today I could look back and see all this....know myself right down deep into my core, be totally truthful with myself and those that deserve my truth to be shared with them, those that don't well move on, don't troll my blog or my pages or do, really I couldn't give a tiny rats ass anymore, truth is you were never that important in my life to begin with to be adding some great big significance to what I actually think, like or do. If ya think I sound mean well then maybe I do, but again my own life, my own path and my own words, they do not have to be yours..........kinda seeing where this whole rant thing is going yet?

Well because I have been taking the time to absorb, learn and meditate on who I am and what my goals are means that I was also afforded the right to observe quietly all the goings on in our little virtual world, and yea yea I know for all you that go on about having a "real" life outside of Facebook, lets get real with you first.....for some people for the ones like me that have physical realities of why they cannot go out and enjoy all the live events it is what it is, friendships that happen online do actually constitute real friends, I know I have travelled halfway across the world and one ocean to meet mine so next! the part about the whole social media thing that really bothers me is the constant my path is better than yours na na nana na! or the what do you mean you believe in the Fae? oh you must be a fluffy bunny....like wtf? really people when did all you so called evolved pagans become such close minded individuals.....like seriously I have watched and experienced since the last time I wrote a blog all manners of this crap, this decidedly negative bullshit being spewed everywhere......what the hell ever happened to keeping your mouth shut? not being so narrow minded or even for a start actually believing the shit you spew in the same breath with endless memes about how all paths up the mountain may not be the same but they lead to the same place, have you just stepped in your shit when you tried to push someone off the mountain? it gets really tiring to see such ugliness come out of such otherwise deceivingly educated mouths, but I have also realized that ignorance on these subjects seems to permeate all levels of education and is not dependent on it at all.........in other words morons come in all shapes, sizes, genders and any other identifying notion you can come up with.

I struggle with real world issues, I run my own little shop, I create, I struggle to pay for shit cause in truth I live under the line that exists below the poverty line, I don't bitch, moan or complain I cope.....I deal with things like this week the anniversary of the loss of my father, the idea of putting food on the table and keeping the lights on, these are all real world issues for me, so in truth the little puffed out chests that are so called above me mean shit to me.  What means something to me is getting up everyday and replacing one bad moment or one bad reality with one good one.....what matters is my little guy smiling at me and saying yes I KNOW you love me you tell me all the time! what matters is the one person that reaches out to me on Facebook and says thank you.....or shares their story with me about their own family and their life, its not all about the money folks, its about the life, the energy and those that can help you enrich your emotional reality as you enrich theirs......for me ego really has no place in this path and I really wish there were more of us......warriors of spirit, for the simple reason that we believe love and encouragement is the way, not ego and stomping on others to get our faces out there and our noses up in the air.......

I am ok with me and who I am.....be ok with you.......tell the ones that aren't to move on and go figure their shit out we got this!