Dark Moons, Eclipses and Money

I realized that I really dislike money, which is a very well disturbing thing as it is needed in our everyday lives. I can romanticise poverty all I want to make the bitter pill easier to swallow but the truth is it fucken sucks...we tell ourselves so many things to make it easier to cope with, uplifting messages, memes and spiritual practices but at the end of the day an empty fridge or a bill for much needed heat is a reality that won't be satisfied with words meant to give strength. The hard truth is money is much needed if we wish to live without the constant stress of how to make the bank account cover the month, rather than too much month at the end of the money, and no this by no means is an indication that I do not have faith in my magic ~ just by the sheer reality that we have been able to survive with my sales as income is testament to the fact that I fully believe in magic and especially that which I conjure and create, my faith is unshakable, thank the Gods. Money though was not made by the Gods was it.....

This last few months have been interesting for us, such stark contrasts when it came to money....my clientele and magical family making it easier for me to breathe and put much needed food in the house, heat and of course the essentials of everyday life...so thankful for my sales from the shop as without them we would be totally sunk! that was the good part of the last two months but for my old guy it has been a total different experience, having finished a job in December he has fought from that point in time to get paid, with a pittance coming in early January and nothing since. While the customer requested more and more work done, something of course that he could not do without his bill being paid. These situations never end well, and I am always so thankful that in my own business I do NOT have these issues! His situation came to a head when he refused to do anymore until the bill was paid in full, he commiserated with the client about his bills, but reality is we can't pay ours with buttons, and he told him that his wife ~me~ was very upset about this....his customer had the nerve to tell him that all I cared about was money, calling me greedy! I am the hubby's office manager/customer service manager all fancy titles for I deal with the paperwork and pricing and he does the work. While I wanted to turn him into a toad with warts then and there I refrained and sat on my magical fingers and kept the monkeys at bay. Then of course I went through all the feelings of indignation, anger and all that jazz about what this person that means nothing to me thinks of me....because he recieved a service, benefited from that service, and we want to be paid for it in full this is greed? Obviously I know this is not the case and he is simply causing conflict to try to get away from paying a bill, still it bothered me that money again was at the root of such a bad situation.....it reinforced my dislike of money, feeling judged by my request to have a bill paid.

This made me go inside and really look at what my issues with it are, it has always represented conflict of some sort, in my early life with my parents, with extended family it created divides that even though it was a generation ago it still carries through to mine....I saw it rip apart my family in more ways than one. I also saw those that were innocent carry the heavy burden of rebuilding while the ones that were actually greedy walked away with no responsibility. These were early childhood lessons.....I know I work for myself because I watched my father work for himself for years....his way always..... he worked hard but he never gave up, so when I feel like I am going to I remember him and I gain the strength I need to keep going. In my first marriage money was something that caused huge divides, in the beginning there was tons of it, I used it quite liberally to cover up the emptiness that I carried....totally shut off from anything spiritual and a deck of cards that I kept hidden in a drawer, my soul was dying so I bought stuff...not particularly important stuff but just stuff.....I had my nails done, the perfect outfits with matching shoes, and I hated myself and with every dollar I spent I hated myself even more.....I walked away from all that after years of abuse....I have worked on myself, been honest with myself and taken stock of where I was and where I never wanted to be again, the road to healing was there ahead and I took it...but my dislike of money was only reinforced when it became a reality to be a single mom with 3 kids....yes my parents helped but for those that know the truth they helped more with one child I had 3 and a whole life of my own.....then I met my old guy and between us we did the best we could for our combined family of 6 kids....some don't think so but hell they are still young we will see how they feel when they are a little more seasoned by life.....I love my family, my kids, our life together and all that I have lived since the day I decided to stop dying inside and chose life....none of this though helped my dislike of money, I simply traded a more comfortable life with it for a harder existence that nourished my soul rather than lined my bank account...but in everything even money balance is needed and well that I still have not achieved, and that of course is down to me.

Money has always been used as a tool against me in some form or another, either because I had it and someone wanted it, even though they didn't have to take it as I shared liberally they most times still did it underhanded OR I needed it they had it and wouldn't help....no matter how I cut it I have had more bad feelings connected to money than good ones...pain, heartache, discord, jealousy and even destruction of a family from the inside out.....more I thought of it more I realized that this dislike pushed me into poverty.....circumstances helped of course, my health sucks, work dried up and we have moved cross country twice in 5 years....once going to all we had left and another going back to try to rebuild a life outside of poverty.....greedy? no...realistic yes, patient yes, clear yes, but greedy no...there is nothing greedy about wanting to be paid for services rendered...there is nothing greedy about not wanting to live on your knees either....my relationship with money though now will have to change, thankfully his words made me evaluate and search my soul about it, reaffirming my positive feelings about it will be the order of business for me....we will survive his underhandedness, my little shop will keep going and putting food where it needs to be and the lights will stay on, I won't give up and I won't let the words of a spiteful deadbeat bother me too much, it was those words that made me consider my issues with money.....

As I wrote this I came to my largest realization of all, I do not have this issue when it comes to money and the services I provide or the creations that I birth through Witch's Chamber....I feel rather loved, supported and respected within my magical life and that extends to money as well...now to make that relationship seep into the other more mundane aspects of my life....and once again it is down to magic to heal another side of me....the Dark Moon cometh, the Solar Eclipse to follow on the New Moon...the time of release and change is upon us, I will be releasing these feelings of lack, pain, and the shame of poverty and money behind me....what will you be releasing at the Dark Moon and Solar Eclipse?