Life is hard....it is damn fucken hard! and yes that fuck needed to be in there! I have not written in so long, for so many reasons that I tell myself but when in truth I know it is because I was overwhelmed with things to say, feelings that have been raging inside for a while now.....anger, disappointment, sadness and oh yes even more disappointment.....it becomes even harder when most of those feelings are directed at myself.
The month of June gave me loads to think of so much angst and ugly happening in the world and when it started one morning that I got up, took one step and came crashing to the floor, it was over the top for me.....there were suddenly of course hands outstretched to help me get up and get back to my bed to sit and recollect myself, but the scare was there for them and for me.....the reality of my mobility becoming more challenged prevalent in all our minds......this made me angry at my body once more, another failure for me, another moment of how do I cope with this? The list of my health issues grows worse per year, there is less and less that I can enjoy that others take for granted, this made me sad.....I kept going and then my beloved Witch's Chamber was attacked, comments were vile, and the ugliness deflected behind the scenes enough to make my toes curl, this made me disappointed. My reality became a messed up body, a bruised spirit, and a crying heart. Some of you knew some didn't, some cared some never will and that is ok too......I kept going.
Yesterday I put up a little giveaway on my page, all I wanted to know was what everyone enjoyed about the page, I simply wanted to see what if anything you all would like to see more of, improvements and such but the replies floored me, the giveaway continues and I continue to read each comment as you write it....as I read I find this strange rain falling from my eyes, it is not a sad rain, it is a smiling, the Sun is shining and the Moon is glowing kinda rain...Today I am grateful that when I was young I found a way to find that Sunshine in the midst of the rain....that I found a way to dance in the rain even when it clouded my eyes....Today I am grateful to the Gods, to my supporters, to my family, my brothers and sisters, to my magic...I am grateful for Spirit that fed me when I needed it most and nourished my soul even as my flesh fought it tooth and nail....most of the pain has subsided now, and I am left with a dull aching remembrance that June was a very painful month.
July has been iffy but still holds promise....after all the anniversary of my death and rebirth comes in just 3 short days....reminders are good ways to keep us focused aren't they? Life is damn fucken hard so fill it with love and gratitude....it really is the only answer.