I have been staring at the blank screen for so much time now, writing a bit, then deleting it...so much to say, but overwhelmed with it all....things are tough....so much has happened since the last blog....no not in the amount of things but just in the intensity of things.....first my Jelly Bean had a seizure....that was fucking terrifying! And I wasn't even there, her mum was and that call from my daughter was paralyzing! for a moment I could not breathe! the air was suspended around me and everything was in slow motion....as everyone in the room kept asking me why the tears were rolling down my face, my throat was paralyzed, stuck, my mouth could not put together words.....then the shakes.....yes she is fine now, but me, well I think I am still recovering from that fear! As I am sure her parents are too....life can change in an instant!
I wish I could say that was all but it isn't of course, such is my life, I swear the Gods gave me broad shoulders for this very reason....and yes I realize it is not all about me, but at the end of the day this is me discussing how this all affects me, simple thing really that people seem to be afraid to do these days...afraid to be thought of as possibly narcissistic, unbalanced, fatalistic and Gods know what else people can come up with to say to those that reach out in times of tremendous pressure in their lives.....fuck it....here it is.....my husband has hurt his shoulder and right side of his body, lifting something he really should not have been lifting by himself....my son is on antibiotics for 28 days because of TWO not one but TWO tick bites, which is making him ill physically.....I have shingles again, severely, and then there's the Lyme....and yes I am tired..... wouldn't you be?
How do you keep going in all this? I heard this question the other night, when speaking to a friend....do I have a choice? not really, all the other options are bad! What do I do? do I let it all go once again and lay down and simply say well I am too sick to do anything? no I can't do that....so I craft...thankfully the Gods have my back and the energies of the wire call, the wands, the altar boxes and even my book all called and kept me going....I never know what I will craft, just like when this month started I had no idea I would publish my book, The Cracked Cauldron, A book of Spells....then it all just happened in a rush, boom, done, and on the 7th anniversary of my pledge to Yemaya ~thank you facebook memories for showing me the synchronicity of the energy I felt and my promise after the fact! Thank you Yemaya! This Mercury Retrograde has been hard in a personal sense, but in a professional sense it has been wonderful, with growth jumping to the forefront. My shop is back and I am hoping soon to be back to its former glory, yes of course I am talking about sales....I have long given up this notion that I should pretend not to care about sales, of course I care, and so does every other shop owner out there, no matter how much they try to act like they don't....I care because that is how I provide for my family, that is how I keep myself online to blog....to write.....to craft....and definitely to maintain my page and free readings on Witch's Chamber on Facebook....without those sales, well, I could not simply afford to be here....nothing to be ashamed of, just reality.....this is mine....money is always an issue, not surprising when you have a Chronic illness, but still people will try to use that to minimize you, shame you, and keep you in your supposed place.....have at it, that shit don't work on me....but the haters still try....and will forever, cause that is what haters do! they hate on you and all you do or achieve, it just is what it is.....in my life and with what I have lived through, I have become used to it....sad but true.
I realized this as I was sitting down to write the second installment of the The Cracked Cauldron, as I poured over my life, I saw this trend through and through my life....there is a tendency for those that are jealous for one reason or another to send ugliness and envy my way....its a reality that goes all the way back to my childhood days....it is just the way it has always been, and mainly from women....no matter how close they are to me, or what their relationship is or was, the green monster comes out in them and boom, then I am the evil one, the bad one and the one that causes all their issues....so it occurs to me that every one of us has a constant lesson to deal with, mine is jealousy and envy which breeds enemies. Now that I know, now that I see it all clearly......I arm myself with my own truth.....I hold up my mirror and say ok, you sent it....you got it now.....and yes of course blame me for the curse you sent yourself....go right ahead, yea that will help.
So you see? there has been so much going on over here quietly, behind the curtain of Witch's Chamber....alignments that needed to happen, issues with health, and life...and truths, they keep coming as I write....the more that come, the more I welcome.....as I keep twisting my wire, and crafting the energy of the Gods in physical form....that's right I said that, and I own it...Defiantly so!....and now you are all caught up!
Blessings all! when life gets hard, look at it head on! and then make it work for you too!
Tess
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