Today was supposed to be the Red/Fire Dragon but he has other plans, some things he is still dealing with and would like to stay with me longer so now you get White Dragon as she wishes it to be....
Sometimes there are moments in life that you question all you are, why you are the way you are and what the next step should be....should you continue to open your heart? should you stop delivering the messages of Spirit? should you just bottle everything you are, pack it away like the oblivious pack up their decorations for each season, somehow feeling that they have lived up to what was warranted for that station simply because they put them out....is that what I should do too, pack it all away and feel that I tried so that makes it ok to deny the rest of it, the rest of my gifts given to me by a power so much greater than me. I almost did.
I guess the third time was the charm, the turning point and deciding factor for me, so you would think that it must have been a positive experience that finally made me feel that I just cannot hide that under a bushel any longer but it wasn't actually. Back at the beginning of this year this all started, a message, not unlike others I have received, pretty much like the rest of my life when I randomly receive a message for someone that considers themselves a part of my life, and yes I said they consider themselves a part of mine because in truth everyone out there is a part of my life we are all a part of a whole, while others may lose that concept it is never lost on me.......so when they come into my sphere and then want to be a part of mine many times Spirit has guided them here, to me, and the messages they came, so that one at the beginning of the year was for a sister, yes as angry as my very human side was with her she is still a sister, she though did not take this so well....it became a very ugly moment in time, ego played a huge part in her behaviour, with her new duties as a mod on a page she somehow had lost her way, it hurt, I cried and I was upset with Spirit for asking me to do such a thing, the sister now systematically destroying me, my reputation and business.....why could someone else not have delivered that message why me? that experience led me to pull away from this, stop listening to the messages that needed to be delivered and resisted, much to my spiritual detriment.
Although these messages are not new to me nor are their delivery, the reaction of some of the more enlightened well they are kind of new to me.....then the White Dragon came to me, showing me what was beneath all this, my own feelings of insecurity playing out in this scenario....truth is if this other sister did not want the message it was her choice to disregard it, her energy to deal with, the message was not about me it was between her and Spirit. White Dragon showed me who I have always been inside, on the deepest most hidden levels that I have even kept from myself, working with this Spirit Dragon has made it impossible for me to continue without looking at all the parts of me that I have feared, yes feared seeing for so very long.....what I found in there, in me was the ray of strength, the white light tinged with gold, transparent where it needs to be solid where it wants to be and completely fluid, moving to and fro as my own soul does as well....I found a woman child hurt, that has stood up and fought her way back on every single shred of truth that came to her, reaching, clawing and refusing to be shoved into that box that the muggles have tried to do since the day of her birth....I found me......I found the part of me that has kept me going all these years, the one that took the hits when I allowed my own ego to come out and play and wreak havoc, the part that forgave me all those years ago and the part the held onto that dream when I was so young that told me I had a purpose....I am not here to judge I am here to deliver, call me your friendly neighbourhood Spirit Mailperson....I think that is the best title I have ever had!
That is when it happened a new message that I paid heed to, popped on and just delivered it, not thinking about it, until after I delivered it and waited and then suddenly the old feelings of oh no, I sure hope she understands this, many times I do not even understand the reason or the message....she did.....it was the moment that I knew ok, yes this is what I do.....but! as is my life nothing is always that simple because I took the step and delivered the message you would think the happy ending story line ends there and in the movie here I go back on track delivering Spirit messages all over the place! but no this is my life so of course the test to my resolve comes directly after my decision to start over, such is the way of my path.....and the ugly happens.......a message recipient has an issue, not one I delivered now but almost a month ago, one that I had allowed to stay connected due to a loyalty to the spirit of a passed on friend, something I always refuse to do but had broken my own rule and spiritually counselled a young person by ardent request of her mother......at first I was upset, angry wanting to lash out, then suddenly felt the white wing enclose around me....calm me, I could feel the love, the vision of it all coming back with such clarity.....the moment of knowing that no this is not what my reaction should be, this is not about me, but more their own inability to move beyond the state that they are in, and in this case being relieved from this service is a beneficial moment for me and one I am actually thankful for......Spirit Dragon guided me away from the ego that could have taken over that moment and transformed my hurt into ugliness, that has never been who I am, doesn't mean I haven't failed at it before just that I now forgive myself for it and choose to recognize it before it becomes something else.
.....in working with these Dragons I think I may never be the same again, in a good way.......its not about me I am merely a vessel.....and I am ok with that, I am marvellous with that!