The last year has been an amazing one for me, yes it has been difficult, yes it always is....there is no difference there. Where it has counted though and has been unlike so many others, is that the revelations this year have kept coming.....one after another, one shocker to the next.......not little revelations either, like wow I love the colour blue, more like wow I am reliving my parent's life.......or wow I really have to let go and trust that the Divine has the best interests of my child in mind even though we just found out he has a brain tumour....those kinds of revelations and those are just two examples of what I have lived. Ground shaking, Earth shattering, heartbreaking and liberating all in one. I know I haven't been alone in it, not once was the Divine not right next to me.....how do I know? it is simple I would not have survived all this without Divine support, that's it right there that's all......
I had to remember that, trust it, have faith in it, before I could live it.....sounds simple but its not. In reliving my parents lives I realized as much as I thought I forgave for my childhood truth is I was still judging it, standing back crossing my arms over my chest and saying to myself at least I was a better mother, but that was wrong. I have told the kids forever that life is about choices, about letting go and forgiving, walking and living your own truth, and being responsible for your own destinations, I was far from living it because that one last thing I held back on, my life, its conditions or lack of in my heart were all a result of what I lived through, not the experiences themselves but the words left unsaid, the parts I could not understand....I have always been that way if I could understand you I can forgive you if I can't then well I can't its simple....because I could never understand I never truly forgave. Then I came here and met my husbands family.......there was the usual fanfare, oh so much smiles, even a welcome home party. You would think that makes it all good right, think again after all I am still a witch.......in the middle of the bible belt.
My husband like my father was the somewhat black sheep, the one with a big mouth and a fiery temper that stood up for whatever he wanted or believed in.....it was easy when they could look down on him or feel sorry for him because at that point he was below them in their eyes....that is not the case, and he has grown so much in the last 30 years of his life that well he is not who they remembered......me well the plastic smiles and phony words only last so long, it got to a point I shut down all intuitive thoughts and feelings around them, but that permeated my life and was not a viable option, then the mundane world tried to suck me back in and THAT is definitely NOT an option......so on my birthday this year I sat and thought, and thought and reflected on the last year or two in our lives and I realized I was at that crossroads.....the same one I realize my mother stood at all those years ago when she felt the same from my father's family.....the isolation, ridicule, and ultimately of feeling like she didn't belong amongst those strangers, people that although were not monsters in reality did not realize that the things they said were all directly funnelled to her through her intuition.....she shut it down, only to bring it out in secret, almost feeling like a somewhat criminal should anyone notice or know she did this.....ashamed of who she really was, it embittered her, made her angry and to a certain extent created mental health issues.....it was doing the same to me......I decided to go the other way, change the pattern of the life before me.....I did not do this alone, the Divine walked along with me all the way, now joined by my beautiful and strong Fire Dragon ~ yes he has a name but that is between him and I ~ yes He had joined in my entourage....I say entourage a bit tongue in cheek because truthfully all those that walk with me are so above me, and I admire and love each one, and no where do I equate myself on their same level......no no no I have much to learn still.
So then I decided it was time to start fresh, at the beginning.......that meant taking a good hard look at me, admitting to myself that yes I did not come through it all unscathed, yes I have mental health issues, yes I was raised to believe there was is a stigma to admitting that, but I don't believe that anymore, my daughter taught me what strength is in that respect, so I am admitting it....yes I have issues, yes I know and yes I am working with them. My first step was to recognize my triggers and remove them......this life is about me not about anyone else, and I needed to be authentically me, even though it took me some time to get to the point of facing some of them head on I finally did, and I feel better for it. I also started working more in earnest with Spirit, stopped resisting my own intuition and stopped worrying whether it made sense to me or not and started delivering the messages to those that it showed me they were for. Glad to say that it went well, thankfully those Spirit chose were gracious, lovely and thankful for their messages. It will be a long road for me recovering my strength and belief in myself but one well worth travelling. There will be more triggers I am sure, I will learn from them and let them go, but for now I am happy that this last transformation of me has been so profound that I will never be the same.....
My entourage and I will continue along, with our new added love and protector circling ever present, ever vigilant....My love, my Dragon....we will sit munching happily on organic corn chips and perfectly flavoured guacamole by the kid that should not be able logically to properly flavour anything! that's right my kid.......
Love this my friend!
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