Family, Friends, Faith and Ignorance

Sometimes you can keep looking for the silver lining and try as you might things will just get a hold of you, this last year has been like that for me, as much as I try so hard to stay on the positive side of things it feels at times that the pendulum swings wildly from one aspect to another.  Most days I just keep my head up and keep going and don't let it get to me, today maybe its the weather, maybe its just the final straw that won't let me keep my somewhat positive slant on things.  Maybe it has nothing to do with that and maybe I just need to allow myself to feel the anger, disappointment and sadness in people and situations around me.  Maybe it is time to let it flow out so that it doesn't lead me down a road of depression.  So have at it.....

Life is hard, we don't have an easy life here, there are no rainy day packets put aside for us, disposable income is something that we know nothing about, for quite some years now we live day to day and month to month, hoping the next one will be better.  Some have been, take for instance the job that I was able to hold down for a few months, I enjoyed it, I did it well, but it took such a toll on the family and my son that really was not in the space to be able to care for the little one while I was locked in the bedroom.  That's my life, my responsibility and I dealt with it, what else should I have done really? our issues aren't all money related but as a whole that is the biggest problem we have and I am ever thankful and grateful for the love we all have for each other, without it the money side would drive us apart like it does to so many others.

I keep my head up, I keep my chin up, yea yea yea I try to do all that but at every turn I am blocked by ignorance.  Ignorance that thinks I must be so different, oh no a witch in our midst.  So the ignorance grows. I had offered to help with abused women through the church here.  I am female, I have been a victim of abuse, and I have in my own times and in my former life in Ontario helped other women find hope, help and a way out of those lives, I had hoped to do it here again, but of course my ways, who I am and the fact that I do not make a secret of it somehow offends the women of the church.  It was not the pagans in my life that thwarted that, nor was it the pastor of the church believe it or not even him knowing who I am he supported it, he wanted it no it was the women, women who can't see beyond the end of their nose to care enough about humans and put aside their petty insecurities of themselves and their polyester pants!  what could I possibly have to give to another woman or help with that they cannot do in their sheltered lives that know nothing about the realities of abuse? can you tell I am a little annoyed! Not to mention that I also tried to help out with a certain charity organization here that deals with cats! (come on now a witch and cats!) and guess what happened? I dare you to guess.....that's right I bet you got it right? an organization that needs help, cries out for foster parents for kittens constantly, asks for donations of time and material to help them, you would think they would be all over someone like me that has fostered cats before, did NOT get paid for it, did NOT ask for donations for the care of the animals no I paid for that all myself, well my help was not wanted or desired.  I am hurt, angry and the tears that fall aren't for me, they are for the ones I could have helped but was denied a chance to.  Ignorance it really hurts more than just the ones you aim it at.

Still even as I write this and I so feel the strongest urge to say people suck, I still cannot stop myself from looking at both sides of everything right, that is just me, the damn Libra that can't just be on one side of the coin but must hop from side to side.....my door, the beautiful white door that I now have on my house....it replaces the brown one that was peeling, that the babe was getting splinters from, that we knew was letting in all kinds of drafts in the winter and that we could not afford to change......someone gave us a door, a beautiful white door, with pretty windows and a screen! and when my husband came home with it, I looked at the window and smiled it made so much sense....Family, Friends, Faith......the tennents I live by.......my Friends live in facebookland, my family well they are everywhere and my faith well its what makes things like the door happen, and the kitchen table that we needed, wanted and hoped someday we could afford to get since ours was literally falling down.....it may not mean much, and some may crinkle their nose at it, the fact that it was a found piece, something someone else had gotten rid of because it had a broken piece....its fixed now, the first thing laid on it was my herb harvest.....my husband fixed it and for Mabon he put the new door on and gave me a new kitchen table to prepare meals and offer love to my family on....that is my faith at work....faith sometimes is all I have had to hold on to.....now is no different.

Back to creating, back to believing that somehow someway we will all get through all this, maybe someday my faith in people as a whole will grow too.......there's that Libra in me again........