A New Year, A New Look but the same old me.....

As I sit today on my bed to write this, the Crow he lands on the wire in front of my window, him and the trees is all I can see.  My fingers reach for this keyboard more out of familiarity than using my eyes to see at the moment, so glad for spell check!, my eyes they aren't so good this week compounded by the week long massive headache that has relentlessly pounded at me, I am pretty much a right mess physically.  It's my birthday, wouldn't ya know.......that special time of year for most, always a bit of an emotional time for me this year seems even more so than ever before.  Have you ever watched a movie that you felt was one explosive moment after another, just boom, boom, boom and you were sitting there in shock of some in awe of others but at the end of that two hours you had run the entire gamut of emotions and left feeling still exhilarated but kinda tired too? that's what has been happening behind my eyes, in my mind all week, all month really.....the fact that I have to lay a number to the amount of years I have been breathing means I think about each and every one of them.

There have been many moments in those years, some of regret, some of elation, some I never want to revisit but always find myself doing so anyway, like the horror flick you don't really want to watch but find yourself stuck to just a few moments too long.  My life has been interesting, full and good, it has also been hard, difficult and painful.  For me there is always both sides even when looking at myself, maybe even more so.  I am not the same person I was when I was in my twenties or thirties, and definitely a whole different person than I was in my earlier years.  Sitting back acting like an observer in this movie of my life all week I watched my own progression into who I am today.  I still have alot of work to do, alot more growth on the horizon, but at this moment now in my life I am a hell of a lot clearer as to who I am, what I want, what I don't want and have found a strange kind of peace with these revelations I guess you would call them.  This hasn't of course been a sudden shock kind of thing either, this last year has been one of tremendous changes, stresses, pressure and growth for me, and yes truthfully I have struggled many times throughout it to keep going, many many times, giving up is so easy, so tempting.....but so not on the table for me......so trudge on I did, kept going through all those memories, every single one of them, until yesterday.......

What made yesterday different? well I am not sure, but I did realize that in all this time I have become somewhat of a recluse, never mind people coming to see me but the thought of leaving to go somewhere else somehow well it just doesn't happen for me, I always find a way out of it, not so sure when that started but now that I know its there I will definitely have to start pushing myself through it sooner rather than later......that revelation was of course directly followed by a low moment, a moment of tears and sadness that one person would not be here to say Happy Birthday to me........so here is my bit of synchronicity or Divine love you choose.....yesterday I cried like a baby alone in MY van, cried looking at your picture and begged you that if I could have one thing for my birthday it would be to feel your love and you near me just one more time, no one knew, no one was with me it was just me and you in the van, I dried my eyes and came home and didn't hide it all too well I am sure but it is what it is five years later and at times its just like it was yesterday......today someone walked in my home that never knew you, never met you and gave me a birthday gift, it was the first gift I opened today and she actually handed me 2 at once but the first one I opened after picking it randomly could not have been less random, it was a solar lamp for my garden and sitting proudly on top was a Red Cardinal, we watched and loved watching so many of them as I grew up I could not have gotten a clearer wish of love from you.....

What a week its been, what a life, what a joy, so much to be thankful for, today dad I really miss you thank you for loving me that much......no matter how old I get will always still be your little girl........I love you. So raise a glass and help me celebrate A New year, A New Look (thanks Tara!) and the same old me.....

Family, Friends, Faith and Ignorance

Sometimes you can keep looking for the silver lining and try as you might things will just get a hold of you, this last year has been like that for me, as much as I try so hard to stay on the positive side of things it feels at times that the pendulum swings wildly from one aspect to another.  Most days I just keep my head up and keep going and don't let it get to me, today maybe its the weather, maybe its just the final straw that won't let me keep my somewhat positive slant on things.  Maybe it has nothing to do with that and maybe I just need to allow myself to feel the anger, disappointment and sadness in people and situations around me.  Maybe it is time to let it flow out so that it doesn't lead me down a road of depression.  So have at it.....

Life is hard, we don't have an easy life here, there are no rainy day packets put aside for us, disposable income is something that we know nothing about, for quite some years now we live day to day and month to month, hoping the next one will be better.  Some have been, take for instance the job that I was able to hold down for a few months, I enjoyed it, I did it well, but it took such a toll on the family and my son that really was not in the space to be able to care for the little one while I was locked in the bedroom.  That's my life, my responsibility and I dealt with it, what else should I have done really? our issues aren't all money related but as a whole that is the biggest problem we have and I am ever thankful and grateful for the love we all have for each other, without it the money side would drive us apart like it does to so many others.

I keep my head up, I keep my chin up, yea yea yea I try to do all that but at every turn I am blocked by ignorance.  Ignorance that thinks I must be so different, oh no a witch in our midst.  So the ignorance grows. I had offered to help with abused women through the church here.  I am female, I have been a victim of abuse, and I have in my own times and in my former life in Ontario helped other women find hope, help and a way out of those lives, I had hoped to do it here again, but of course my ways, who I am and the fact that I do not make a secret of it somehow offends the women of the church.  It was not the pagans in my life that thwarted that, nor was it the pastor of the church believe it or not even him knowing who I am he supported it, he wanted it no it was the women, women who can't see beyond the end of their nose to care enough about humans and put aside their petty insecurities of themselves and their polyester pants!  what could I possibly have to give to another woman or help with that they cannot do in their sheltered lives that know nothing about the realities of abuse? can you tell I am a little annoyed! Not to mention that I also tried to help out with a certain charity organization here that deals with cats! (come on now a witch and cats!) and guess what happened? I dare you to guess.....that's right I bet you got it right? an organization that needs help, cries out for foster parents for kittens constantly, asks for donations of time and material to help them, you would think they would be all over someone like me that has fostered cats before, did NOT get paid for it, did NOT ask for donations for the care of the animals no I paid for that all myself, well my help was not wanted or desired.  I am hurt, angry and the tears that fall aren't for me, they are for the ones I could have helped but was denied a chance to.  Ignorance it really hurts more than just the ones you aim it at.

Still even as I write this and I so feel the strongest urge to say people suck, I still cannot stop myself from looking at both sides of everything right, that is just me, the damn Libra that can't just be on one side of the coin but must hop from side to side.....my door, the beautiful white door that I now have on my house....it replaces the brown one that was peeling, that the babe was getting splinters from, that we knew was letting in all kinds of drafts in the winter and that we could not afford to change......someone gave us a door, a beautiful white door, with pretty windows and a screen! and when my husband came home with it, I looked at the window and smiled it made so much sense....Family, Friends, Faith......the tennents I live by.......my Friends live in facebookland, my family well they are everywhere and my faith well its what makes things like the door happen, and the kitchen table that we needed, wanted and hoped someday we could afford to get since ours was literally falling down.....it may not mean much, and some may crinkle their nose at it, the fact that it was a found piece, something someone else had gotten rid of because it had a broken piece....its fixed now, the first thing laid on it was my herb harvest.....my husband fixed it and for Mabon he put the new door on and gave me a new kitchen table to prepare meals and offer love to my family on....that is my faith at work....faith sometimes is all I have had to hold on to.....now is no different.

Back to creating, back to believing that somehow someway we will all get through all this, maybe someday my faith in people as a whole will grow too.......there's that Libra in me again........

It only gets better from here......

Standing under the old apple tree, the bark all gnarled from years and years of producing sweet fruit.  The silence around her starts to seem loud.  Like a patron at the Opera, there to see the main stage gets distracted by the Orchestra.  She slowly quiets her mind, one by one, thought by thought, she becomes aware of the distant cricket, busy living his life.  The sounds start to separate and come into tune, the chaos of sounds now gone, their melodic tune now fills the air as her heart stops racing.  In her moments of fear she comes here, to this bark, this connection, the love that flows here is her cure all.

She is eccentric, eclectic, different, exotic and unlike anything he has ever known, it is no wonder they try so hard to pull them apart, tear her down hoping he will see the error of his ways....or maybe they hope to break the 'spell' he is under.  They look and stare, whisper and snicker as she walks through town wearing her black hat, smiling at her man, glowing love for him and him for her, and the others they glare.  It must be magic, sorcery they say! her long dark wild hair, holey and tattered clothing, she does not fit in to the church ladies groups, does the man not see that this woman is not from here, not like him? they think as long as they don't say it to her she can't possibly know, but she does.  It always makes her a bit sad to feel their judgments hanging high on her, because she openly loves her man, while they do it they miss experiencing their own lives........when will people learn?

Startled from her thoughts, she knows he is near, she can feel him, he makes no sound as he comes up behind her, as silent as the scorpion that he is.  His arm slides around her waist and pulls her back to him, close, tight, his breath warm on her neck.  There is no resistance, as the current races through her, so many years and still with one touch, it is explosive.

"The moon, she is extra bright tonite...." he trails off as he looks at the beautiful Harvest Moon, full, round and glowing.

Snuggling in closer to him she whispers "Aye she is" deeper into those arms, without fail always there.

The years of memories flood between them, energies feeding each other without a word, silently, flowing from one to the other, the years have been many but have felt like they have flown by, only a creak in a bone ever reminds that it has been many, for the passion flows as fiercely now as then....the number of years no longer matter, it has become stories and moments strung together.  Darkness falls around them, standing embraced, with their backs to the fire, enjoying the gap in the trees that allows for the view of the beautiful mountain behind them.  As each moment passes every single cell in her body feels the current infiltrate it, a warm glow starting to emanate from her every pore......her breath changes, her bottom lip trembles as she breathes in......he knows, his arms pull her in closer, she moans, she is ready for him, always, anywhere, anytime.....he is her drug, her hit of bliss....her hillbilly heroin.... The silver rays of the moon rain down as arms and legs entwine, the blanket of the earth envelops them.  The energies rise in crescendo with the orchestra around them, changing their tempo, more, the air becomes electric and the fire responds behind them crackling alive.....and the wind shows her approval.

Laying in his arms, flushed, catching her breath, spent , blissful, he smiles...."you are amazing" she tells him as she drapes her arm across his bare chest.

"no it's all you....." he smiles his dreamy smile, kisses her deeply and looks in her dark eyes, his a stunning blue "if every man knew what I know and feel, they would go find themselves a witch to fall in love with too"

"awe baby I love you....."  and they slept there in each others arms till the sun broke through the mists.....taking on the world together....it only gets better from here!

Carrots, Mountains and Meltdowns

I have started this post a few times now, quick to hit the backspace button, truth is my mind is here there and everywhere. I need to write but I can't concentrate, I can't seem to shut off the thoughts and the messages, the events of the last five years blazing in quick succession, streaming in my mind.  The lessons in forced humility, the highs oh so wonderful, the lows well they were really low.....feeling suddenly completely alone in the world, all lessons of the last four years.  Truth is today was a bad day, a day to remember all that has been lost, all those that we loved that are gone, and all those that we love that well I guess really never did love us, today was a day about loss, cutting it away, moving beyond it to see there is more and there is always a reason for everything that happens, whether you understand it now or not the reason's will eventually become clear.  My kid used to tell me that, reminding me she heard it from her somewhat annoyingly always right mother, now they are almost all grown and gone. Just as we started to feel the twinges of empty nest syndrome kick in we were blessed with one more to share our love and hearts with.  My life is full, busy, productive, happy and stable, but yet the sadness still comes, things still happen that shake that calm and bliss.

Today was one of those days, I won't quickly forget, now added to the other days that stream though, playing out over and over.....the anniversary of our friends passing is coming quickly, it is the first one.  I send thoughts and prayers to his family that each day becomes a little easier than the last, I know the destruction my fathers passing left in our family, rocked to the core it will never be the same, not unlike theirs, but sometimes the same is not necessary, sometimes change can be a good thing, a welcome restart, beginning of a new phase, opening to a new life....I can put it in so many ways to show the silver lining, there is always one no matter if you can see it or not it is there, even in death there is one.  Death is only sad for the living, for the one that passes it is a release, they are free, no longer confined in these vehicles we call bodies. Souls move in and around us everyday, surrounding us, watching us and helping us as we need and even yes, that's right, even kicking our asses when we need it, today in my humanness, I slipped up and I allowed my hurts to cloud how I handle things, I allowed guilt to slip in unannounced and tell me that I shouldn't whine for being hurt, I let it take a stranglehold on me and I lost a few hours to tears, migraine material and an aching neck.  I am human, its not possible to be perfect everyday, to be on top of the world every moment, it just isn't, I stumble, I fall and I have meltdowns, I did today.  I held the pills in my hand that the doctor prescribed and debated taking one to stop the panic that was rising in the pit of my stomach, because today the pressure was reaching a boiling point, not because of my own personal relationship but outside pressures.  I looked at that yellow bottle for a few minutes then I put it down, pills they are just not me, so I cleaned.  I ripped down every scrap of paper that had anything to do with that job, created a burn pile of crap, literal crap that we have been carrying around with us for close to the better part of 16 years.  I cleared my drawers of tattered clothes, and other pieces that I have not worn in years and will never wear again, bagged to the appropriate places.  Change, clearing out old energy, burning away the past, plans for the future they started to take shape and shift my mood.  With one more chore to do it became a semi family thing, the boys and I pulled up the carrot patch, happily surprised by some of our larger carrots.  The soil was not so good this year, which now we have remedied with some rich black earth, after which we happily came back in as the rain started, washing away the evidence of our frolicking in the soil. More change, clean slates and new beginnings provided by natures blessed tears. 

This year is all about me doing the exact opposite of what I would have done before these last lessons.....but this bit of me I think I will keep, I will have my meltdowns unassisted so that I can see clearly when I come through to the other side, I will continue to look for the silver lining and I will keep trying to be better today than I was yesterday.....life is not a sitcom, it doesn't magically end in 30 minutes all sorted out, its more like a movie, each day a new scene in the overall epic adventure.  As long as I keep making today count for the right reasons, tomorrow will keep looking brighter, I will stumble I am after all human, I will remind myself to be gentle with me as I would be with someone else......I will get up again, dust myself off and find the silver lining, it is just who I am, it is like breathing for me.......

As I so wish, it shall be

There is an eerie kind of calm on this road, it always has an intense undercurrent of silence, but today it is amplified and deeper somehow.  The side of the mountain is illuminated by the sun's rays as it peaks through the dark cloud above.  Amazingly the hole seems so small in comparison to the amount of light that shines through giving a kind of ethereal glow to the house and property, centralized, localized right here.  The boy and I are enjoying the light rain as it falls softly on the awning, sitting under mother locust waiting for my "friend".

This morning while lounging in bed, the boy excitedly ran in to tell me my "friend" was in the driveway to see me.  Not just any friend, my birdie friend.  Eagle came and sat in the driveway and squawked, the boy heard it and knew, Eagle was here to see mum, because mum has animal friends and she talks to the animals, isn't that awesome? he doesn't need me to justify to him that I do it he just knows I do and its as natural and normal to him as any other part of his day.  Magical, wondrous and uplifting, our visit with Eagle this morning, now our current visitor is a bit of a strange looking bird, kind of a cross between a woodpecker and a mourning dove.  We do though enjoy his company while we nibble on our gluten and gmo free toast with old-fashioned homemade jams, tomato jam for me and blueberry for him.

The boy learnt today to make a wish on a dropped eyelash, as he blows it away his wish is simple, closing his eyes " I wish Papa could stay home and not go to worky work and that we still have nummies"  Every morning he stands either in the driveway or doorway asking Papa the same thing "Why do you have to go worky work?" and he hears "So that I can buy nummies for all of us, someday you will be a big boy and you too will go to work so that you can take care of your family too."  Although the boy nods, by his wish it is evident that he doesn't like it.  I don't either.  I wish the same.  That somehow my health hadn't cost us everything, that we had that property now, that he could have his little home based thing, we know the boy would be in heaven.  this would be the part where I insert the reality driven "But" and appear to accept willingly that my current conditions in life are my fault and that I should just be grateful that I have what I have instead of wishing for what I don't have, BUT ~ironic huh?~ not this time.

"By all the powers of manifestation, it will be! Mark my words, our wishes will be our reality. Our dreams will come true."

I have one thing that no one or any situation can ever take from me, it is the source of my strength, the way I manage to hold my head up and keep going, I have faith.  Just like the blueberries on the side of the mountain, the plants now prepare to wither and die away, having spent their energy and provided a bountiful harvest.  They will come again, thrive and give an abundance of sweetness, such is the cycle, such is life.  The abundance, sweetness and tastiness of life is ours too as the wheel turns.

I wish it.  I will it.  I have faith.

Delicious Pickled Veggies!

The last few weeks have been filled with bottles,veggies and fruits! vinegar, spices, salt and sugar, stirring and much more stirring and lots of boiling cauldrons.  And yes I think of things this way, my pots double as cauldrons, knives become athames, and salt well we all know it holds many uses and the air is electric filled with moments where we imagine and create.  I really do believe each moment is filled with its own magic, even in the most seemingly mundane of circumstances. Ingredients grown in my gardens, tended to by me the witch, lovingly watered, talked to and loved, providing the fruits, vegetables and countless herbs for the winter, bountiful, glorious and magical each in their own right; even now as the frost comes at night, her gifts are plentiful.

The kitchen table has seen the fruits and then bottled  jams made of blueberry/lime, blueberry/apple, nectarine/plum/tomato and somehow it knows that as the tree out back ripens nitely it will soon be applesauce time.  Beets was a couple of weeks ago, now sitting happily in the cupboard getting set for the winter, today there was cauliflower, green cherry tomatoes, carrots, onion and banana peppers, topped with fresh dill, all but the cauliflower and onion from our own gardens.  The smell of vinegar filled the house, for me a welcome smell, yummys to come!


My recipe is simple for these;  sterilize the bottles and lids, while still warm fill with assorted pre cut veggies, add Pickling brine ~ while sterilizing the bottles bring to a boil equal amounts of vinegar and water, 1 tablespoon of pickling salt per 4 cups of liquid, one tablespoon of pickling spice in a cheesecloth sachet ~ pour hot over veggies leaving 1/2 to 3/4" space.  Put lids on and place in canning pot for 20 mins.

Let cool and store.  Let sit a minimum of 2 weeks before opening if you can manage to keep prying hands out of it ~ totally lost the fight on the beets! For me the most magical of moments is as I watch my family enjoy one of my jars of magic.  It really is everywhere and you really don't have to look all that hard, all you need to do is believe.......

Moments of Truth

As we start again on this path of less, we are forced to sit, the two of us discussing the realities of our situation again.  Right now the freezer is full and the pantry is half stocked, a far cry from the emptiness of not long ago.  As we sit discussing what and how we need to survive and prepare for the winter I find such moments of clarity, truth, and illumination that it brings me to the verge of tears.

As much as it shames me to admit, I really did not live up to my commitments.  I had the best of intentions and although I always tried to do the right thing, many times I failed miserably at doing it in a timely fashion.  I am not looking to excuse myself for it, but offering my truthful remorse.  I know where I went wrong, and why, not proud of it.  It was a terrible cycle that we fell into. Overwhelmed with decisions that were crushing to the spirit, it will not be repeated. Lesson learnt.



The last few years have taught us all so much.  Just when we thought we had learnt and would just coast along rebuilding, we found the next lesson.  In the midst of our discussion we both realize the most important of lessons we have learnt, the value of love. The love we have for each other builds, its one we know is a once in a lifetime kind of experience.  There is magic in every moment of it, that is the cycle that we are hopping onto now.


That's right we are choosing our next cycle this time.  We are choosing to hitch our wagon to happiness, fulfilment and abundance in all things.  We are actually stirring our cauldron of life, choosing positive thoughts that leave worry behind.

"Let go....trust and believe, do not worry, your needs will be met."

the message we both heard loud and clear

hand in hand we stir the cauldron 

together we stand

In goes the love

around goes the ladle

In goes the strength

around goes the ladle

In goes faith

once again goes the ladle

In this moment of time

Let there be abundance mine

As I so wish, it shall be.

The fire cackles, and the heavens rumble, for both of us signs of our wishes and petitions heard.  Hand in hand our life continues, our love is our measure.

About face, turn, march

Time to walk my talk......

This job, the hours and the effect it is having on everyone around me is not beneficial, the money is not enough to justify the destruction of all we have built in our family.  My husband is lonely, even though I am only in the other room, me misses my presence next to him.  My little one is acting out horribly, not because of anything other than everyone's insistence that even though he knows I am right there he cannot go and see me.  When he does manage to break through their attempts to keep him away his cheeks are wet with tears.  He is not a spoiled child, this is not him being demanding.  This is my little man and he has always been this way, when he is upset it is his mom he wants, no other, and keeping him away is just not something he tolerates well.  My eldest son he tries to hold it all together, but he is facing his own issues and challenges.  How he gets up everyday and has a smile on his face as he deals with all the uncertainties of the brain tumour and how it has affected every aspect of his life, from the most intimate of details to the most mundane is amazing.  His chosen career now not really a viable path for him he faces retraining, a sense of smell is something a chef really needs.  Yet he keeps his chin up, helps us all and keeps going, what a lesson for the rest of us he is.

I carry this and so much more with me everyday, when I sit at that desk ready to take calls, deal with everyone's issues, until this week; I sat at that desk, I got ready and I started all my programs, then the messaging system popped up and I suddenly felt ill, nauseated then I just kind of blacked out, suddenly gone, my mind was there but wouldn't cooperate, just blankness, darkness and void of thought I sat. About 40 minutes or so later I realized that something strange had happened, terrified me, and I was forced to tell them I could not work that day......not the next either and today here I sit in the doctor's office waiting to hear what she has to say.......as my phone suddenly goes off, it's my husband.  Disapproving looks all around from all the older women sitting around me, yes I am almost 50, no I don't look it and I refuse to fall into the trap of polyester and disapproving grandmotherly looks from some other time.  I am me and as I stop the AC/DC  "Let me put my love into you" I hear one lone chuckle of another person in the room that understands the long nosed looks, and for pete's sake what do they have to blush about? its my phone! Yes that's me, age or not, as unconventional as humanly possible.

As much as we need the money, as much as I try I cannot fit myself into those neat little boxes.  Thankfully my doctor feels the same way, so under doctor's orders (which definitely helps with those feelings of guilt) I have been told that I need a time off and meds to deal with the tremendous amount of stress and pressure I am under....her plan is to revisit this in a month's time.

That was yesterday, the tension in the home has already dropped.  The energy has changed, behavioural issues seeming to vanish.  Pretty sure my choice is becoming very clear.  Time for this witch to get back to witchery, greenery and creating, my art and my life.  Time to do what I do best, nurture, my guides, me, my family, my life.

I leave you with this quote, it is part of a section of the book I am working on.....and it was the turning point in this decision.....

"Measure your success not by the car you drive, or the number in your bank account but rather by the heart that fills with love, shares generously and gives because it loves to do so, not with expectation but just because."

Back to creation!

Witch

a little tidbit of what I have been working on, bit by bit, chapter by chapter I will get there......

Isn’t it interesting when we are young we make all these plans, decide where we want to be when we get to this age.  I remember making all those plans, and I remember some that insisted this is the way things should be.  Ordered with timelines of a year, two and five year plans.  I guess that is the way it is for some, neatly packaged lives into year spans, chock filled with deadlines and such.  Me truthfully I have never been good with deadlines or absolutes, the deadlines well they even now in my crone years make me want to rebel, against them, push them, and absolutes well truthfully there are very few absolutes and the ones that are at least in my own experience are very personal.

My absolutes go something like this; I am absolutely a female, heterosexual, mother and a witch.  So three of those absolutes are accepted very easily as part of my truth unfortunately the third, witch is heavily misunderstood.  Witch has no particular religious attachment, it does not require that type of connection to be what it is, but yet it is no less absolute for me than any of the others.

There are witches of every possible denomination you can think of, and those that would fight being considered even a part of a denomination, this term is not limited to or owned somehow by only Pagans.  Believe it or not, I live it I know it, we come in all beliefs, shapes, sizes and colors and none of us are tied to the same pantheon, religion or path for lack of another word to call it.  This aspect seems to be the most difficult part for most to understand, for me as simple as breathing, it just is what it is.  So here begins my need, or quest to explain what witch is to me.  Knowing a little about me you would expect that I would look to research this, from all angles as I must be fair to all parties, regardless of my own thoughts.  So I started with dictionaries and what I found in some was actually quite frightening, not so much by the definition but more so the glaring inaccuracy or ignorance really that is so vividly apparent.

The image of a witch is very different in the mind of those that read those definitions of evil women using magic and their wiles to influence than it is in reality.  A witch seems menacing, scary, frightening if seen through those words, they cloud the vision with dark evil images.  I will not say those types of witches do not exist because in all reality they do, but then again people like that exist in everyday life that are not witches as well, many who have demonstrated the exact same evilness and darkness of heart and spirit that most associate with witches.  No religion or choice of path predicates our moral compass, more so our morals are a direct reflection of who we truly are, all religions aside and that is what chooses our own paths.  This simple bit of human nature is no different for a witch; we are after all very human.  We feel the same, breathe the same, bleed the same and our hearts pump the same as anyone else’s on this planet. 

Another definition claimed that all witches are women, well although some of us are female, that is not an absolute for all witches, we are available in all genders.  Which then of course opens up the discussion about using our wiles to illicit favourable responses, I’m sorry but doesn’t everyone do that?  So have those before us and those to come after us and that would make us all by that definition witches.  Really have we all not done that? Smiled at someone to illicit a favourable response?  How did you meet your partner? Was that moment one of magic for you? Are you a witch too?

It doesn’t escape me that we seem to vilify the very qualities of graciousness and even simple civilities into some supposed dark art so that we can stand accusingly pointing fingers at another person, especially when we are ourselves are using our own wiles to make others look approvingly at us while disapproving of others.  When does this behaviour ever end for us?   Or is this how it will always be for the human race?  Forever judging, forever us and them mentality, generation after generation of ignorance, hatred and ugliness and truthfully not just about this one word, but about anything that makes someone different, and as I write this I cringe.

What exactly is it that makes someone different? In reality we are all different from each other, even our own kids at times make us shake our heads wondering how they can be so very different from us, having come from us, raised by us and yet they are different than us.  So what dictates a human is different in such a profound enough way to be considered an outsider based on that difference?  So much fighting has been done to garner human rights but yet we still do this to each other even today, ignorance still runs rampant.  Admitting it happens doesn’t dignify it, it simply brings it into the light, keeping it in the shadows only perpetuates its power and makes it even more damaging, so I am here wanting to have the conversation, allowing you to see my vulnerabilities seeing how very not different from you I truly am.

Let’s take a moment to see where we are at now; a witch is a human being, it is a genderless term.  Witch is also not specific to any one religion, path or God/dess.  Witch is not a delusion, made up by our brains to cover up some malignant past.  Witch is simply that, a living breathing being just like everyone else on this earth.  Odds are you either friends with one or you are one; sometimes you just don’t know it yet. 

So to be clear my absolutes; I am absolutely a female, heterosexual, mother and witch. Yours may not be the same and that is ok too, in my world difference is celebrated!

more installments to come from A Witch by Any other Name.....

Into the Cauldron it goes.....

and so begins the story of A Witch by Any Other Name.......

The rain falls softly tonite, almost sizzling on the roof, the heat from the day's sun still emanating from the hot tin.  All around her and up the side of the mountain the fireflies dance in a sort of light enhanced airy wonder.  The beauty of this place, this land, is never lost on her.  The wildness of what lurks beyond the tree line deep in the forest . Beautiful, wild and dangerous.

In the light wind there is a hint of sweetness, blowing over from the blueberry fields, ripe with their harvest, as her eyes scan the familiar darkness around her she knows just as everything seems the same, the wind tells another story, one of change, things that can never be taken back.  The gift of sight leaves little doubt.

Bare feet in the grass as the soft rain covers her long hair. Where once there was dark, even that has been changed with the eruption of white from her temples, although welcome change it is still change...something she has never been quite comfortable with.  As her hands touch the familiar black cauldron, the energies of many other days come cascading through her heart and mind.  Some of her teachings passed down in moments of lucidity from her mother, others in dreams from the ancestors and spirits who accompany her on this walk.  The way has not always been crystal clear, but it has always been constant.

Each piece of dried wood placed under it with care, each on a thought and a place, the faces of those that have come before flash in her mind.  Sadness engulfs her as she lights the match.  The Ancestors gather around, their energy fuels and the fire roars to life.

"Candle and bone, wine and water....." and her thoughts trail off.....the sadness is back, but then it always is, when it is time to seek the cauldron.....the sight offers little room for the unknown or mistakes, the ancestors and spirit fills in the rest of the holes in the picture.

She accepts them all as they come, opens her heart and arms as she lets them in.  Each given a clean slate and a fresh  beginning, love is given freely....

"into the cauldron, the herbs they go, a gift of silver to help it flow.....round and round,
hands entwined, through the ages of time,
open the eyes of the blind.....I play no games, nor do I lie
I will feed you willingly but it is your choice on how and why...."

choose wisely, for these are life changing decisions.....

"Cauldron burn and bubble"

The rain stopped but the wet of her hair told another tale, the edges of her dress damp it clung to her in the dark, her skin on fire, alive with the glow, as she glances back at the house, the light in the bedroom comes on, and it is time.  Silently she sails through the back door, and glides to the room that is now dark, she slips off her wet gown and snuggles into her bed.

His arm comes across her and he asks "where were you?' as he runs his hand through her wet hair...."out back dear, taking out the trash...." and all is well in their hearts......