In the last few months as my birthday approached as I have in other years I felt a strong need to reflect on all that I have lived and experienced....as usual it led to deeper realizations, as I know that each trip around the Sun brings new truths from old hurts and wounds I was expecting this...what I wasn't expecting was for it to reach into my heart and make me feel it all again!
Maybe its the writing; I told myself as I continued to work on book 2, maybe its the reliving of every moment of blood on my lips....or the countless containers of concealer that I used to keep on my dresser that are no longer there, now replaced with Yemaya's altar.....maybe its the bruises that never healed...the ones seared on my heart. Whatever it was this birthday, was a hard one....I had expected last year to be this but it wasn't, it should have been being that it was my 50th, but instead this one dropped me to the floor.....part of me wants to write this uplifting part right here, that says I found my perspective and rose above it all, but truth is I didn't....rather I found that while there is no anger anymore, while there is no regret left....there is a sadness that so many years were wasted in pursuit of a life that was never meant to be mine and all that remains of it is shame.....because that is what girl's like me get as their take away prize from abusive marriages...shame and blame.
I was the girl that got married at barely 17, no I wasn't pregnant...I was searching for love, for autonomy...for freedom from the oppressive reality of living within an immigrant family in the 70's in downtown Toronto....I went from under the thumb of my parents to under the thumb of a husband that while I loved him, knew nothing about how to love me back without anger, abuse and possession. I was a child playing adult games, there was no way I was going to make it through that unscathed. I was already bringing my own scars to this dance....baring them to what I thought was a man that would stand by me till the end of our lives....pretty naive of me, and doomed to failure....I was wrong then, and for years after that day I continued to be wrong, to give up on me, to care more about the superficial parts of life....my hair, my clothes, my nails....I shake my head now and wonder who that girl was....how were my priorities so different than today?
It is as if I have lived two lives all this time....two distinct incantations....each with its own merits and disappointments......I look back and I don't even recognize that girl....even though I still live with many of her original aggressors and issues, who I was is not who I am now.....whether that makes much of a difference or not to so many that still live within those boundaries set long ago, the truth is the truth.....we either grow and move forward or we stay stagnant.....for me it is obvious what I chose; it brought all the opposition for me, and the ugliness I have fought back from; while archaic in a cultural sense to most, it has been a very real presence in my life......victim blaming is a real thing! Just smile and everyone will love you, just hide the bruise and everyone will love you.....just pretend it didn't happen....he is sorry so you should forgive him.....it is your duty to stay married to him.....fuck that noise.....yep fuck that.
My name is Tess, I am 51. I am a domestic assault and sexual assault survivor. I have issues with CPTSD, Lyme Disease and a whole host of other things that fall under that heading. I still am shamed almost on a daily basis and victim blamed, even though it gets me down at times I keep going. You can too. It won't be easy...people will disappoint you, it is the nature of the beast...some days it will feel like trudging through quicksand wearing fireman's boots that are ten sizes too big....I won't lie to you and tell you that its all roses and unicorns, it is not....there are years of healing ahead of you, you will feel alone at times...you will feel lonely, which is totally different than feeling alone....and yes you will feel like giving up...don't.....Don't....DON'T!
Stop living for the big things and start to take pleasure in the little ones....the moments of the Sun rising and seeing the dew glistening on the grass....the butterfly that flits through your life and the quiet and realizing you don't have to look behind you anymore and wonder what is next. Like me there are so many more survivors out there, there is not one part of me that feels that experiencing this life makes me somehow more deserving of good things, I just believe that we all deserve good things.....I have a dream of a day where I don't need to worry anymore, that I can finally breathe and see that all our needs; physical,emotional and financial are all taken care of, that I managed to support my family in spite of my emotional and physical disabilities. Someday it will come, I am sure of it.
Every year as Descent approaches with the darker half of the year, I plan what I will take with me down into Cerridwen's Cauldron...this year it is the shame; for marrying him....for making the wrong choices....for not leaving sooner....for not being the mother that I should have been....for not loving myself enough to know I deserved better.....the sadness of feeling that I wasted so many years of my life hoping against hope that tomorrow would be different....knowing full well that the only way it would be different is if I CHANGED it...not him....Me....the past dies a little more each day as I reclaim another part of me that has been in hiding.....25 years later and I still work through it, so be gentle with yourself, it takes the time it takes....remember the way through is not straight but actually a spiral and we keep going back to the center as we experience things through different eyes each time.....like me on my 51st birthday, facing my oppressors and seeing it from the inside all over again....it happens.....now into the cauldron I go...shed the skins I no longer need....and come out a stronger version of me.
May peace, stability, love and abundance find us all.
03 October 2019
15 August 2019
Full Moons, Earth Angels and Gratitude
I have found my peace, late at night....once everyone is asleep, there is a stillness that comes over the house, there is a silence that can only be heard then....in the dark, sitting outside on my swing I watched last night as the Moon filled...silently breathing in the energy of her white light, as the voices of the neighbours could be heard in the distance....laughing, and chatting to each other, probably enjoying the Silvery Moon rays as I was.....the weather has turned at night now and it is cool, fallish....if you allow yourself to forget you would swear it is closer to Samhain than it is....or maybe that is wishful thinking from a witch that feels most whole around that turn of the Wheel...either way it is encouraging to feel the vibration of it around the corner. It is always an interesting time here for me....here in this place where I spent the majority of my childhood....my second home, next to being in the city this was it....this was the place of freedom.....
In the city there was always something to be wary of, especially being a child that was lost and searching most of her life....sometimes what I found was not always beneficial at best and terrifying at worst....but here in this place it was safe...there was family everywhere, literally in each house....there was grass and not concrete....there was the lake...the garden....and most of all it meant freedom....I ran these roads every single day I could....had my own flashlight for the night, spent at either my home or the home of an uncle.....there were late nights, laughs, so so many laughs....and there were what I never realized as a child.....my Earth Angels were here.....now I sit on my swing and watch their ghosts walk the same street on their way down to the lake....around Samhain they are usually all here together.....this Moon, the Sturgeon Moon seems to intensify this feeling of ghosts almost as much....maybe its the time of year, maybe its the lake that shares the same name as the Moon, maybe its the days we have had lately....whatever it is the effect is undeniable.....and I woke up this morning with a tremendous sense of gratitude.
I am so thankful and grateful to the Earth Angels that took the bitterness out of my life....it's been a hard one, for many many reasons....some emotional....some physical....and others well, we all know my health.....from the beginning, from birth...its been hard. Bitterness almost seems like the only answer, the only way that I could possibly end up, having swallowed so much vile, vinegar laced life experiences....but no....all along the way there were people...some family, some not...but all angels...each one came at a time that I needed them most....lifted me up and helped me on my way....some stayed, some left, but all left their mark of kindness on my heart....taught me compassion, for myself and for others....they made mistakes, they taught me I would make my own, that is how we learn....no one comes into this world with a map of every step they should ever take...no we all come here and figure it out as we go....some are lucky and have supportive families, others well we fend for ourselves and figure it out as we go, even though we are part of huge families....family does not always mean love, at least not in the conventional meaning of the word family....we learn that along the way...I learned along the way....my family is those that have dirty knees too, not because they were on their knees for themselves, no....because they were down there helping me up when I fell....and I am there when they fall....those are my family, not decreed by blood, but chosen by heart.
These were the conversations today in my home, as we sipped our coffee and prepared for the day, and the gorgeous Sturgeon Moon was still filling outside...it filled us all with a lazy, get started slowly kind of feeling....as a feeling of nostalgia washed over us as we talked about those same ghosts and Earth Angels....many times they saved my life....many times they didn't even know they were doing that....Now at almost 51, yes next month! I look back so fondly on all them...I share the stories with my children of their acts of kindness...of their love, that they so generously shared with me....teaching me how to love myself and in turn love my own when they came to be...there is a certain peace found in yourself when you realize all these things....that is where I find myself today....at peace....I have known great love in my life, of all kinds....I am lucky and grateful for that, to everyone that has touched my life along the way to here....may I have the same impact in theirs and yours, should you need me I am here.
My wish to all of you today, may you find the peace you seek....may your life be filled with Earth Angels....and may you continue in their path and be one yourself.
So mote it be
Blessed Full Moon Witches!
Tess
In the city there was always something to be wary of, especially being a child that was lost and searching most of her life....sometimes what I found was not always beneficial at best and terrifying at worst....but here in this place it was safe...there was family everywhere, literally in each house....there was grass and not concrete....there was the lake...the garden....and most of all it meant freedom....I ran these roads every single day I could....had my own flashlight for the night, spent at either my home or the home of an uncle.....there were late nights, laughs, so so many laughs....and there were what I never realized as a child.....my Earth Angels were here.....now I sit on my swing and watch their ghosts walk the same street on their way down to the lake....around Samhain they are usually all here together.....this Moon, the Sturgeon Moon seems to intensify this feeling of ghosts almost as much....maybe its the time of year, maybe its the lake that shares the same name as the Moon, maybe its the days we have had lately....whatever it is the effect is undeniable.....and I woke up this morning with a tremendous sense of gratitude.
I am so thankful and grateful to the Earth Angels that took the bitterness out of my life....it's been a hard one, for many many reasons....some emotional....some physical....and others well, we all know my health.....from the beginning, from birth...its been hard. Bitterness almost seems like the only answer, the only way that I could possibly end up, having swallowed so much vile, vinegar laced life experiences....but no....all along the way there were people...some family, some not...but all angels...each one came at a time that I needed them most....lifted me up and helped me on my way....some stayed, some left, but all left their mark of kindness on my heart....taught me compassion, for myself and for others....they made mistakes, they taught me I would make my own, that is how we learn....no one comes into this world with a map of every step they should ever take...no we all come here and figure it out as we go....some are lucky and have supportive families, others well we fend for ourselves and figure it out as we go, even though we are part of huge families....family does not always mean love, at least not in the conventional meaning of the word family....we learn that along the way...I learned along the way....my family is those that have dirty knees too, not because they were on their knees for themselves, no....because they were down there helping me up when I fell....and I am there when they fall....those are my family, not decreed by blood, but chosen by heart.
These were the conversations today in my home, as we sipped our coffee and prepared for the day, and the gorgeous Sturgeon Moon was still filling outside...it filled us all with a lazy, get started slowly kind of feeling....as a feeling of nostalgia washed over us as we talked about those same ghosts and Earth Angels....many times they saved my life....many times they didn't even know they were doing that....Now at almost 51, yes next month! I look back so fondly on all them...I share the stories with my children of their acts of kindness...of their love, that they so generously shared with me....teaching me how to love myself and in turn love my own when they came to be...there is a certain peace found in yourself when you realize all these things....that is where I find myself today....at peace....I have known great love in my life, of all kinds....I am lucky and grateful for that, to everyone that has touched my life along the way to here....may I have the same impact in theirs and yours, should you need me I am here.
My wish to all of you today, may you find the peace you seek....may your life be filled with Earth Angels....and may you continue in their path and be one yourself.
So mote it be
Blessed Full Moon Witches!
Tess
30 July 2019
Dark Moon turned Black
It is the Dark Moon, my absolute favourite time of the month, although today I am a tad slow at getting going, new treatment last night knocked me on my ass! I have also been putting off writing this since last night, so that I could fully process the entire breadth of the last few weeks, so many things have happened that definitely today is a time to throw it all into my cauldron with a lovely black candle to melt all that does not serve away. I was going to call it ugliness, but some of it truly wasn't....there were great shining moments this last month as well, there really were!
We all know this has been a difficult time, many of us have felt it...with Mercury in retrograde we have all had multiple challenges in our lives whether with electronics, vehicles or relationships it has all been there, like sludging through quick sand at times. I have heard all of you as you reached out to share, I am glad it goes direct again tomorrow, please let go of the idea its the 2nd of August that it goes direct, its not it is tomorrow July 31st....though you have to laugh, good ole Mercury sending mixed signals, who would have thought it lol....so now that we know it is going direct Wednesday we can all exhale a combined sigh of relief. Remember though when it stations and changes direction, it intensifies for that moment so be ready!
The last five days for me have been tremendous as well, filled with new connections and venues to explore, vending twice in one week! unheard of for me but I did it this weekend. After meeting a wonderful new friend at the market last Friday. I really enjoyed the market last Friday not just because of the new vending event but because it was so wonderful to speak to someone that feels much of the same way as I do about life....someone who didn't shy away from the Witch but came up directly and shook my hand. At times it is difficult for me to live in this area with my own circle almost 3 hours away, it gets lonely on a physical level. You can imagine I was well pleased to meet someone so open and warm. It was great, and we took her advice and we went to the Bobcaygeon Psychic Fair on Sunday.
To be clear I loved it, it was wonderful... and we met so many new people, made connections and saw some friends there that made the day a great event for me....of course I counselled some, I encouraged others and dispelled some myths as well about Voodoo, Dark magic and light magic....suffice to say there is no color in magic, there is intent! As well if someone tells you that you have an evil spirit on you and you need to pay some exorbitant amount to clear yourself, take my advice run away! they are not a true practitioner fo anything, more of a con.....all pretty regular fare for these events and then just before it ended as my husband and I sat there we noticed an acquaintance we know from our town...shocking that he was there as he is a devout evangelical Christian...but ok, being an interfaith minister means I do not judge anyone for their spiritual path....wish I was given the same respect though...sadly what had been a glorious day turned dark quickly when he felt the need to ask me why the witchcraft....I am me, simply stated I am a witch, I am happily a witch and no I do not require saving of my soul....Jesus and I, we are ok, we are great in fact...but his followers really that is a whole other story....just as this person proved, as he told me I was going to go to hell....not to mention that I will lose my mind before I go, as others he wanted to tell me about....that Satan is around me and trying to take me to the dark side....it was sad....my old guy was overwhelmed with it, he had to walk away and I was left to try to explain it all to this man, who I know thought he was doing something good, when in reality he placed himself at a venue that was set up for all of us witches, psychics and healers to enjoy and share our wares and energy and tried to shove his beliefs at us all....he told me at the end he was there specifically to save souls....I had to tell him I did not require saving of mine....odds are he won't speak to us again when he sees us, but I just can't get over his incredulity that I had to be Christian because in our previous conversations he believed I was...he quoted the bible at me...I know the bible, I can quote it too...it is a great book, that has been horribly manipulated....so what exactly does that say about me? in the end he told me that Jesus could not possibly accept me as I am...I wished him well and reiterated I am a Proudly Pagan witch...he left disappointed, convinced my soul is damned.....maybe someday he will realize that your choice of what you call God does not exactly make you a good person, that comes from inside.....not from a book...a church....or even a God....that comes from your own heart....do you think they will ever understand?
Today as I said, I am a little slow getting started, with Lyme disease the New Moons are also a cycle for parasitic infection load, so I am dealing with that as well today as tomorrows New Moon looms ever closer, but I am up, I am writing and I am releasing....throwing all this and more into the cauldron....I am used to this kind of thing even if my husband is not, but it does not mean I should ever accept it, or even worse bow down to it....there is no freedom in hiding who we are or pretending to be something else to placate the feelings or fears of others.....and with Lyme kicking my ass at different times I have even less patience for it than usual! so the moral to this whole story is you will be questioned, you will be pushed and cajoled, it is up to you to decide who you really are and what or who you worship....don't let those that don't understand take you off your path, no matter what that path is, spirituality is individual and not for others to choose for us, no matter who they are.
My black candle is lit...blessed...anointed....and burning.....my blades are out and I will be cutting and throwing it all into that cracked cauldron of mine....I am clearing and releasing it all.....are you ready to do it too?
We all know this has been a difficult time, many of us have felt it...with Mercury in retrograde we have all had multiple challenges in our lives whether with electronics, vehicles or relationships it has all been there, like sludging through quick sand at times. I have heard all of you as you reached out to share, I am glad it goes direct again tomorrow, please let go of the idea its the 2nd of August that it goes direct, its not it is tomorrow July 31st....though you have to laugh, good ole Mercury sending mixed signals, who would have thought it lol....so now that we know it is going direct Wednesday we can all exhale a combined sigh of relief. Remember though when it stations and changes direction, it intensifies for that moment so be ready!
The last five days for me have been tremendous as well, filled with new connections and venues to explore, vending twice in one week! unheard of for me but I did it this weekend. After meeting a wonderful new friend at the market last Friday. I really enjoyed the market last Friday not just because of the new vending event but because it was so wonderful to speak to someone that feels much of the same way as I do about life....someone who didn't shy away from the Witch but came up directly and shook my hand. At times it is difficult for me to live in this area with my own circle almost 3 hours away, it gets lonely on a physical level. You can imagine I was well pleased to meet someone so open and warm. It was great, and we took her advice and we went to the Bobcaygeon Psychic Fair on Sunday.
To be clear I loved it, it was wonderful... and we met so many new people, made connections and saw some friends there that made the day a great event for me....of course I counselled some, I encouraged others and dispelled some myths as well about Voodoo, Dark magic and light magic....suffice to say there is no color in magic, there is intent! As well if someone tells you that you have an evil spirit on you and you need to pay some exorbitant amount to clear yourself, take my advice run away! they are not a true practitioner fo anything, more of a con.....all pretty regular fare for these events and then just before it ended as my husband and I sat there we noticed an acquaintance we know from our town...shocking that he was there as he is a devout evangelical Christian...but ok, being an interfaith minister means I do not judge anyone for their spiritual path....wish I was given the same respect though...sadly what had been a glorious day turned dark quickly when he felt the need to ask me why the witchcraft....I am me, simply stated I am a witch, I am happily a witch and no I do not require saving of my soul....Jesus and I, we are ok, we are great in fact...but his followers really that is a whole other story....just as this person proved, as he told me I was going to go to hell....not to mention that I will lose my mind before I go, as others he wanted to tell me about....that Satan is around me and trying to take me to the dark side....it was sad....my old guy was overwhelmed with it, he had to walk away and I was left to try to explain it all to this man, who I know thought he was doing something good, when in reality he placed himself at a venue that was set up for all of us witches, psychics and healers to enjoy and share our wares and energy and tried to shove his beliefs at us all....he told me at the end he was there specifically to save souls....I had to tell him I did not require saving of mine....odds are he won't speak to us again when he sees us, but I just can't get over his incredulity that I had to be Christian because in our previous conversations he believed I was...he quoted the bible at me...I know the bible, I can quote it too...it is a great book, that has been horribly manipulated....so what exactly does that say about me? in the end he told me that Jesus could not possibly accept me as I am...I wished him well and reiterated I am a Proudly Pagan witch...he left disappointed, convinced my soul is damned.....maybe someday he will realize that your choice of what you call God does not exactly make you a good person, that comes from inside.....not from a book...a church....or even a God....that comes from your own heart....do you think they will ever understand?
Today as I said, I am a little slow getting started, with Lyme disease the New Moons are also a cycle for parasitic infection load, so I am dealing with that as well today as tomorrows New Moon looms ever closer, but I am up, I am writing and I am releasing....throwing all this and more into the cauldron....I am used to this kind of thing even if my husband is not, but it does not mean I should ever accept it, or even worse bow down to it....there is no freedom in hiding who we are or pretending to be something else to placate the feelings or fears of others.....and with Lyme kicking my ass at different times I have even less patience for it than usual! so the moral to this whole story is you will be questioned, you will be pushed and cajoled, it is up to you to decide who you really are and what or who you worship....don't let those that don't understand take you off your path, no matter what that path is, spirituality is individual and not for others to choose for us, no matter who they are.
My black candle is lit...blessed...anointed....and burning.....my blades are out and I will be cutting and throwing it all into that cracked cauldron of mine....I am clearing and releasing it all.....are you ready to do it too?
25 July 2019
Healing Candle Circle Call
I am a firm believer that we all have a level of pressure we can take before the valve goes off, and we have to let it all go....for me it was this week....not that it hasn't happened before, of course it has....I am alive, I am a human and of course my life has a cycle of pressure and release....I have always been first to defend anyone I feel is getting an unfair shake, but when it comes to me I seem to have a longer fuse especially if I care about the offender.....yup...but this week yes the pressure valve went, I let it all out....years, months and days of it...a cycle ended for me with the last blog....and I have spent the last two days allowing the pressure to vent itself through me....such a huge tremendous amount of pressure. We all have our ways to let go and work our feelings out, mine is to write and craft.
For just over two years, I could not do that, I could not share and I could not write,and I barely crafted...but the worst part was the connections I could not keep going, not being able to share meant so much more than just on a public level....on a personal level I just had no energy to do that....I am currently working on fixing that, sending love like always but now I am reaching out more...daily I try a little more....I am far from a perfect anything, but that would be boring I guess and I wouldn't learn so much on this path of life. While working all this out after the valve blow, the healing ushered itself right in....yesterday, when that moment came, as it came the candle on Yemaya's altar took its last gleam for the night....I knew then what was needed, like a message written in neon all over the candle holder, it was like the altar was glowing still....
So today, as I sort out the altar, I wash my candle holder and prepare a new candle to go in it, I call out to all of you as I light my candle on the altar, may you all feel the healing and loving waves I send out to you all. This candle today, is for all of us, may it burn away all that we need and may its rays usher in all we want and need in our lives....bearing in mind what we need is not always what we want, but may it be the best possible result.
Remember that life is always going to have moments, even for the most spiritual of us, there is always a moment when we feel that pressure...find your own pressure valve in those moments and let it off, don't hurt others in your release, it won't help you in the long run, but there is nothing that says you can't send back all that is sent to you.....a simple mirror spell will work for that, especially under the coming Black Moon on July 31st......but again I digress, that is a subject for another blog. Today it is about ushering in healing ahead of that same Moon.....beautiful blue waves of healing I send to you, from my altar to your life.
Blessings all! Thank you for always being there for my moments and holding me up through them, for being here, for reading my words and for posting your support all over the Facebook page.....I appreciate each and every one of you and send crooked smiles!
Tess
23 July 2019
Fear, Envy and My Ultimate Defiance
I have been staring at the blank screen for so much time now, writing a bit, then deleting it...so much to say, but overwhelmed with it all....things are tough....so much has happened since the last blog....no not in the amount of things but just in the intensity of things.....first my Jelly Bean had a seizure....that was fucking terrifying! And I wasn't even there, her mum was and that call from my daughter was paralyzing! for a moment I could not breathe! the air was suspended around me and everything was in slow motion....as everyone in the room kept asking me why the tears were rolling down my face, my throat was paralyzed, stuck, my mouth could not put together words.....then the shakes.....yes she is fine now, but me, well I think I am still recovering from that fear! As I am sure her parents are too....life can change in an instant!
I wish I could say that was all but it isn't of course, such is my life, I swear the Gods gave me broad shoulders for this very reason....and yes I realize it is not all about me, but at the end of the day this is me discussing how this all affects me, simple thing really that people seem to be afraid to do these days...afraid to be thought of as possibly narcissistic, unbalanced, fatalistic and Gods know what else people can come up with to say to those that reach out in times of tremendous pressure in their lives.....fuck it....here it is.....my husband has hurt his shoulder and right side of his body, lifting something he really should not have been lifting by himself....my son is on antibiotics for 28 days because of TWO not one but TWO tick bites, which is making him ill physically.....I have shingles again, severely, and then there's the Lyme....and yes I am tired..... wouldn't you be?
How do you keep going in all this? I heard this question the other night, when speaking to a friend....do I have a choice? not really, all the other options are bad! What do I do? do I let it all go once again and lay down and simply say well I am too sick to do anything? no I can't do that....so I craft...thankfully the Gods have my back and the energies of the wire call, the wands, the altar boxes and even my book all called and kept me going....I never know what I will craft, just like when this month started I had no idea I would publish my book, The Cracked Cauldron, A book of Spells....then it all just happened in a rush, boom, done, and on the 7th anniversary of my pledge to Yemaya ~thank you facebook memories for showing me the synchronicity of the energy I felt and my promise after the fact! Thank you Yemaya! This Mercury Retrograde has been hard in a personal sense, but in a professional sense it has been wonderful, with growth jumping to the forefront. My shop is back and I am hoping soon to be back to its former glory, yes of course I am talking about sales....I have long given up this notion that I should pretend not to care about sales, of course I care, and so does every other shop owner out there, no matter how much they try to act like they don't....I care because that is how I provide for my family, that is how I keep myself online to blog....to write.....to craft....and definitely to maintain my page and free readings on Witch's Chamber on Facebook....without those sales, well, I could not simply afford to be here....nothing to be ashamed of, just reality.....this is mine....money is always an issue, not surprising when you have a Chronic illness, but still people will try to use that to minimize you, shame you, and keep you in your supposed place.....have at it, that shit don't work on me....but the haters still try....and will forever, cause that is what haters do! they hate on you and all you do or achieve, it just is what it is.....in my life and with what I have lived through, I have become used to it....sad but true.
I realized this as I was sitting down to write the second installment of the The Cracked Cauldron, as I poured over my life, I saw this trend through and through my life....there is a tendency for those that are jealous for one reason or another to send ugliness and envy my way....its a reality that goes all the way back to my childhood days....it is just the way it has always been, and mainly from women....no matter how close they are to me, or what their relationship is or was, the green monster comes out in them and boom, then I am the evil one, the bad one and the one that causes all their issues....so it occurs to me that every one of us has a constant lesson to deal with, mine is jealousy and envy which breeds enemies. Now that I know, now that I see it all clearly......I arm myself with my own truth.....I hold up my mirror and say ok, you sent it....you got it now.....and yes of course blame me for the curse you sent yourself....go right ahead, yea that will help.
So you see? there has been so much going on over here quietly, behind the curtain of Witch's Chamber....alignments that needed to happen, issues with health, and life...and truths, they keep coming as I write....the more that come, the more I welcome.....as I keep twisting my wire, and crafting the energy of the Gods in physical form....that's right I said that, and I own it...Defiantly so!....and now you are all caught up!
Blessings all! when life gets hard, look at it head on! and then make it work for you too!
Tess
I wish I could say that was all but it isn't of course, such is my life, I swear the Gods gave me broad shoulders for this very reason....and yes I realize it is not all about me, but at the end of the day this is me discussing how this all affects me, simple thing really that people seem to be afraid to do these days...afraid to be thought of as possibly narcissistic, unbalanced, fatalistic and Gods know what else people can come up with to say to those that reach out in times of tremendous pressure in their lives.....fuck it....here it is.....my husband has hurt his shoulder and right side of his body, lifting something he really should not have been lifting by himself....my son is on antibiotics for 28 days because of TWO not one but TWO tick bites, which is making him ill physically.....I have shingles again, severely, and then there's the Lyme....and yes I am tired..... wouldn't you be?
How do you keep going in all this? I heard this question the other night, when speaking to a friend....do I have a choice? not really, all the other options are bad! What do I do? do I let it all go once again and lay down and simply say well I am too sick to do anything? no I can't do that....so I craft...thankfully the Gods have my back and the energies of the wire call, the wands, the altar boxes and even my book all called and kept me going....I never know what I will craft, just like when this month started I had no idea I would publish my book, The Cracked Cauldron, A book of Spells....then it all just happened in a rush, boom, done, and on the 7th anniversary of my pledge to Yemaya ~thank you facebook memories for showing me the synchronicity of the energy I felt and my promise after the fact! Thank you Yemaya! This Mercury Retrograde has been hard in a personal sense, but in a professional sense it has been wonderful, with growth jumping to the forefront. My shop is back and I am hoping soon to be back to its former glory, yes of course I am talking about sales....I have long given up this notion that I should pretend not to care about sales, of course I care, and so does every other shop owner out there, no matter how much they try to act like they don't....I care because that is how I provide for my family, that is how I keep myself online to blog....to write.....to craft....and definitely to maintain my page and free readings on Witch's Chamber on Facebook....without those sales, well, I could not simply afford to be here....nothing to be ashamed of, just reality.....this is mine....money is always an issue, not surprising when you have a Chronic illness, but still people will try to use that to minimize you, shame you, and keep you in your supposed place.....have at it, that shit don't work on me....but the haters still try....and will forever, cause that is what haters do! they hate on you and all you do or achieve, it just is what it is.....in my life and with what I have lived through, I have become used to it....sad but true.
I realized this as I was sitting down to write the second installment of the The Cracked Cauldron, as I poured over my life, I saw this trend through and through my life....there is a tendency for those that are jealous for one reason or another to send ugliness and envy my way....its a reality that goes all the way back to my childhood days....it is just the way it has always been, and mainly from women....no matter how close they are to me, or what their relationship is or was, the green monster comes out in them and boom, then I am the evil one, the bad one and the one that causes all their issues....so it occurs to me that every one of us has a constant lesson to deal with, mine is jealousy and envy which breeds enemies. Now that I know, now that I see it all clearly......I arm myself with my own truth.....I hold up my mirror and say ok, you sent it....you got it now.....and yes of course blame me for the curse you sent yourself....go right ahead, yea that will help.
So you see? there has been so much going on over here quietly, behind the curtain of Witch's Chamber....alignments that needed to happen, issues with health, and life...and truths, they keep coming as I write....the more that come, the more I welcome.....as I keep twisting my wire, and crafting the energy of the Gods in physical form....that's right I said that, and I own it...Defiantly so!....and now you are all caught up!
Blessings all! when life gets hard, look at it head on! and then make it work for you too!
Tess
13 July 2019
Believe In Your Own Magic
In the still of the night, while everyone else is asleep, even the furry boys, I sit by the light of candles lit on all the altars, absorbing the glow....going over the last couple of weeks in my life. There has been so much change....like tiny explosions that set off a massive blow out....my book The Cracked Cauldron took form and was published yesterday!......no matter what my life will never be the same
I write, it's what I do...I have written since I was a child....my first little book, shockingly was about two sisters....twins, separated at birth, and their struggle to find each other....I was 10...it took me a few years to finish it....then given to someone to read and never to be thought of again....somehow all these years later, the hardest, terrifying, exhilarating moment was in pushing that publish button. Yes I know I blog, I put myself out there more than once for all to see, here in a blog...somehow the book is different, like another layer of vulnerability that was revealed....out there for all who want to enjoy it, soak it up, dance with me or who want to trash it....yes we all know there are always haters, yes I know why give them energy? well maybe I am not of the same bent that believes that when we talk about them we give them power, I am more of the frame of mind that if we rip that fucking bandaid off we cause the healing to begin and disarm them.....bacteria likes to grow in warm dark places, and haters are a bit like bacteria wouldn't you say? Left to breed on their own they will grow to massive sizes and take over all you love and care for.....your body, your brain, your heart and your life....naw fuck that.....haters.....yep let's be clear, I know, I know, you want to trash it....you don't like it...who do I think I am writing a damn book? yea yea yea....
I am me, and I came up with this concept in my life a while ago....I refuse to accept limiting beliefs....I refuse to accept anyone else's idea of what my life should look like...I refuse to accept how I should witch.....I refuse to accept anyone's idea of what a fulfilling and worthy life is.....I simply refuse....truth is no matter what you do in your life, haters are gonna hate.....nothing too pretty or eloquent about it, its just people stuck in their heads that have their own limiting behaviours that they cannot see...their own poison infecting them from the inside.....being a witch is about your heart and what it beats for, not so much how it appears for others....fancy names....and all the tools in the world will make no one a better witch than anyone else.
So I spend my time calling that shit out, I believe there is room for all of us, that there is no reason that anyone needs to be superior to another, or that there is ever a reason to belittle someone else's way of witching. Whether they have to take medication, suffer with anxiety, PTSD, health issues, not ever does any of these things make me think less of another human, these are struggles we all have to a certain degree.....and even when you deny that you have any of these problems to the world, when the lights go out at the end of the day we all know what is in our own minds and hearts.....life takes enough out of us already with the day to day struggle of keeping everything on track so why would we want to complicate matters with envious and limiting thoughts for others? Have you thought about that mirror that's pointing back at you?
In my life I knew someone that constantly pointed the finger at others, always pointing out what they felt to be weakness' , shame and ugliness in others....never realizing in their minds that it was their own they were seeing.....what a way to live....I would not want it for the life of me, Gossip, bad feelings and whispers about others only breeds negativity in your own life....the Universe hears your thoughts and if they are filled with that, as the Law of Attraction states you will draw it to yourself.....starting to see a pattern? The more you put others down, the lower you will go....be it about magic, life, dating, finances, does not matter, the truth is the truth.....that which you judge so shall you face......and remember it is you inviting the energy in....enjoy what you have created, while I stand over here with my glass of wine by candlelight.......mirrors and candles at the ready........
Yesterday I celebrated, after I did that I sat at my computer and looked for the first time in a long time at the memories for July 11th, the memories in my life for July are not good, my death, my ex, all things I like to forget......but that all changed yesterday when to my surprise it was exactly 7 years ago yesterday that I set up my current altar to Yemaya, with the lovely Spirit doll crafted for me and sent as a surprise from a sister....I was so happily surprised to see that....on the day that my paperback published with Yemaya on the cover and all through the pages went live....I did not plan it, it just happened that way....I didn't even know it had been 7 years until after it all happened and then the reality of it was a moment of validation for me....I promised her I would raise her name, and I feel I delivered on the anniversary of my dedication to her fully, in case you didn't know Yemaya's number is 7....if that does not feel like the completion of a cycle then I don't know what does......now to keep raising her name...my promise is not over, it will never end until the day I draw my last breath and then my spirit will raise her name from the other side.....
Yemaya....She who saved me.....I have never been more complete than when in service to her.
With back up like that, of course I call out the haters, the pretenders and the crap.......this here is about living in the realness of being who you are authentically....She would have it no other way.....
So if you want to witch too, then do it, whether you have to take your meds to do it, use a cane, or dance from the confines of your wheelchair, let your heart dance daily with your energy and believe in your own magic....it is there, no matter how many have told you its not you know better.....reach for what makes you whole, for me it was Yemaya, a piece that missing within me was filled the day I put her Spirit doll on my altar.....I know if you spend some time feeling your own heart you will find your way too.....no more limiting or diminishing thoughts!
Three guidelines only to this.....do not hurt innocents......don't hurt yourself.....and what you send out will come back to you, so make it good......
Now go witch! fuck the haters, dance around them as you twirl away happy within your own circles!
I write, it's what I do...I have written since I was a child....my first little book, shockingly was about two sisters....twins, separated at birth, and their struggle to find each other....I was 10...it took me a few years to finish it....then given to someone to read and never to be thought of again....somehow all these years later, the hardest, terrifying, exhilarating moment was in pushing that publish button. Yes I know I blog, I put myself out there more than once for all to see, here in a blog...somehow the book is different, like another layer of vulnerability that was revealed....out there for all who want to enjoy it, soak it up, dance with me or who want to trash it....yes we all know there are always haters, yes I know why give them energy? well maybe I am not of the same bent that believes that when we talk about them we give them power, I am more of the frame of mind that if we rip that fucking bandaid off we cause the healing to begin and disarm them.....bacteria likes to grow in warm dark places, and haters are a bit like bacteria wouldn't you say? Left to breed on their own they will grow to massive sizes and take over all you love and care for.....your body, your brain, your heart and your life....naw fuck that.....haters.....yep let's be clear, I know, I know, you want to trash it....you don't like it...who do I think I am writing a damn book? yea yea yea....
I am me, and I came up with this concept in my life a while ago....I refuse to accept limiting beliefs....I refuse to accept anyone else's idea of what my life should look like...I refuse to accept how I should witch.....I refuse to accept anyone's idea of what a fulfilling and worthy life is.....I simply refuse....truth is no matter what you do in your life, haters are gonna hate.....nothing too pretty or eloquent about it, its just people stuck in their heads that have their own limiting behaviours that they cannot see...their own poison infecting them from the inside.....being a witch is about your heart and what it beats for, not so much how it appears for others....fancy names....and all the tools in the world will make no one a better witch than anyone else.
So I spend my time calling that shit out, I believe there is room for all of us, that there is no reason that anyone needs to be superior to another, or that there is ever a reason to belittle someone else's way of witching. Whether they have to take medication, suffer with anxiety, PTSD, health issues, not ever does any of these things make me think less of another human, these are struggles we all have to a certain degree.....and even when you deny that you have any of these problems to the world, when the lights go out at the end of the day we all know what is in our own minds and hearts.....life takes enough out of us already with the day to day struggle of keeping everything on track so why would we want to complicate matters with envious and limiting thoughts for others? Have you thought about that mirror that's pointing back at you?
In my life I knew someone that constantly pointed the finger at others, always pointing out what they felt to be weakness' , shame and ugliness in others....never realizing in their minds that it was their own they were seeing.....what a way to live....I would not want it for the life of me, Gossip, bad feelings and whispers about others only breeds negativity in your own life....the Universe hears your thoughts and if they are filled with that, as the Law of Attraction states you will draw it to yourself.....starting to see a pattern? The more you put others down, the lower you will go....be it about magic, life, dating, finances, does not matter, the truth is the truth.....that which you judge so shall you face......and remember it is you inviting the energy in....enjoy what you have created, while I stand over here with my glass of wine by candlelight.......mirrors and candles at the ready........
Yesterday I celebrated, after I did that I sat at my computer and looked for the first time in a long time at the memories for July 11th, the memories in my life for July are not good, my death, my ex, all things I like to forget......but that all changed yesterday when to my surprise it was exactly 7 years ago yesterday that I set up my current altar to Yemaya, with the lovely Spirit doll crafted for me and sent as a surprise from a sister....I was so happily surprised to see that....on the day that my paperback published with Yemaya on the cover and all through the pages went live....I did not plan it, it just happened that way....I didn't even know it had been 7 years until after it all happened and then the reality of it was a moment of validation for me....I promised her I would raise her name, and I feel I delivered on the anniversary of my dedication to her fully, in case you didn't know Yemaya's number is 7....if that does not feel like the completion of a cycle then I don't know what does......now to keep raising her name...my promise is not over, it will never end until the day I draw my last breath and then my spirit will raise her name from the other side.....
Yemaya....She who saved me.....I have never been more complete than when in service to her.
With back up like that, of course I call out the haters, the pretenders and the crap.......this here is about living in the realness of being who you are authentically....She would have it no other way.....
So if you want to witch too, then do it, whether you have to take your meds to do it, use a cane, or dance from the confines of your wheelchair, let your heart dance daily with your energy and believe in your own magic....it is there, no matter how many have told you its not you know better.....reach for what makes you whole, for me it was Yemaya, a piece that missing within me was filled the day I put her Spirit doll on my altar.....I know if you spend some time feeling your own heart you will find your way too.....no more limiting or diminishing thoughts!
Three guidelines only to this.....do not hurt innocents......don't hurt yourself.....and what you send out will come back to you, so make it good......
Now go witch! fuck the haters, dance around them as you twirl away happy within your own circles!
01 July 2019
Blessed be the Dark Moon
It is that time of the month that I look forward to the most. That's right, for this witch it is not the Full Moon or the New Moon that excites me it is the Dark Moon, not very surprising if you know me, I have always been more drawn to the dark than anything else. Besides the fact that I think most people don't understand how wonderful the Dark Moon really is, it is also a perfect energetic time to rid ourselves of those energies we no longer need or want, that does which no longer serves has no place staying around....don't you agree? why would we want to keep such things around us? and as witches we should know the best times of the month to rid ourselves of these unwanted energy right? well for me that time is the Dark Moon.
Let's start with what the Dark Moon really represents.....how many have worked with this Moon? When I first started this walk with the Moon so many years ago, I was one that watched the energies around me swirl with the changes to the Moon...the Full Moon brought huge changes, energies aligned, spells completed and things moved forward under the Full stage....the New Moon brought exactly that, new beginnings, do overs, starting fresh and hope...and then there was the lead up to the New stage, the Dark just before the New Moon rose...a time where it seemed to me that the most shocking things happened, and where it was not uncommon for me to see people and situations take a more edgy turn even at times more violent turns....confrontations, shocking endings that lead to the beginnings of the next day in the New Moon cycle. It was then that I decided that personal endings were perfect for me under the Dark Moon, the reality is the Moon in this aspect already carries all these energies, so it makes it the perfect time for a witch to tap into that. It is under this aspect of the Moon that every month I light at minimum one black candle, but normally more than one....I light candles with words inscribed in them of energies I want removed from my life, whatever words I need that month to help me further my path or keep going....the aspect of the Dark Moon is great for endings so why not end things in your life that are truly soul crushing? poverty, anger, pain, dis-ease....yes I will and have inscribed these words on the black candles that I burn at the Dark Moon....it is also the time where I release all enemies from their connection to me....because as humans and witches we know not everyone that calls themselves friend is actually that....no some will tell you they have your back as they stab you in it the moment you turn around, and this method of candle burning, works by sending out a net of magic that melts away these connections, cuts them free and sends everyone on their own way, without rancor or any kind of boomerang effect on you.....yes when doing any kind of magic you need to worry about that boomerang effect! if you don't it will teach you soon enough that you should have known what you send out you get back. The law of energy return is alive and well in the world of magic.
Now I have told people before and continue to tell them again that spell casting is not for every witch, nor should it be done by those that are inexperienced with the possible outcomes, spell casting is just simply that; not something that every witch should do, it is not something to be taken lightly. True magic and spell casting is something that should only be done with reverence and respect, yes I joke so many times on my page with memes that say things to the contrary, but they are jokes, not reality....those that reach out to me have had me tell them the same, spell casting is not to be taken lightly....BUT this method of utilizing the energies of the Dark Moon to cast out what does not serve is not exactly the same in my books. It is more the action of laying out a petition, candle magic is a much simpler way for witches to approach spell casting, learning to tap into their own magic and learning to work with the energies around them. As witches we already know we work with a lot of energies, whether for ourselves or others, in those workings we expose ourselves to so many other energies, and the Dark Moon cleansing rituals I speak of help us to realign and clear our own spiritual houses. So when is the best time to do this? well today July 1st is the Dark Moon stage, the New Moon rises at 3:16pm ET on July 2nd and until the Moon goes Void of Course at 2:48 am ET on July 2nd prior to the New stage, that is your window for the Dark Moon......every month the Dark Moon is the day directly prior to the New Stage, making sure not to work within the void of course stage, it is the best time to craft magic to clear, realign and sever those ties that no longer serve.
For me I have already prepared my candles....and yes it works if you don't have a black candle, but you have a white one, take a sharpie or some other marker and blacken it.....I have done it many many times! I personally use a porcupine quill now to inscribe but before I had one I would use a nail, I inscribe my words, I bless my candle at my altar, anoint it with whatever you feel you need for this working, some use Hyssop, Coconut oil, olive oil, or other conjure oils if you have access to them. Take your candle, set it away from your usual altar in a place of respect that it won't be disturbed....light it, say your incantation, or whatever words you have prepared for this, then spread a circle of sea salt around it....and let it burn. When this is done, and the candle has burned down to the end, make sure to take whatever is left and dispose of it, away from you, not near your home, safely and responsibly dispose of it. after all it would not make sense to keep the energy with you that you are trying to remove with the whole exercise would it?
As with all magics, depending on the size of the change you are trying to evoke, you may have to do this more than once, but in a world that is ever changing it would be naive of any witch to think that one candle would ever be enough to clear all the moving parts of something like poverty for example...but it works, like anything else in witchcraft it takes dedication, faith and your own energy applied...if you give it all that and are consistent with your effort, it will work and you will see the benefits of those black candles and like me you will come to love the Dark Moon Stage of the month and you many just revel in it a little bit like I am preparing to do today.
As always witches, I leave you with one bit of advice....always cast responsibly and remember to keep growing!
Blessed Be the Dark Moon!
Tess
Let's start with what the Dark Moon really represents.....how many have worked with this Moon? When I first started this walk with the Moon so many years ago, I was one that watched the energies around me swirl with the changes to the Moon...the Full Moon brought huge changes, energies aligned, spells completed and things moved forward under the Full stage....the New Moon brought exactly that, new beginnings, do overs, starting fresh and hope...and then there was the lead up to the New stage, the Dark just before the New Moon rose...a time where it seemed to me that the most shocking things happened, and where it was not uncommon for me to see people and situations take a more edgy turn even at times more violent turns....confrontations, shocking endings that lead to the beginnings of the next day in the New Moon cycle. It was then that I decided that personal endings were perfect for me under the Dark Moon, the reality is the Moon in this aspect already carries all these energies, so it makes it the perfect time for a witch to tap into that. It is under this aspect of the Moon that every month I light at minimum one black candle, but normally more than one....I light candles with words inscribed in them of energies I want removed from my life, whatever words I need that month to help me further my path or keep going....the aspect of the Dark Moon is great for endings so why not end things in your life that are truly soul crushing? poverty, anger, pain, dis-ease....yes I will and have inscribed these words on the black candles that I burn at the Dark Moon....it is also the time where I release all enemies from their connection to me....because as humans and witches we know not everyone that calls themselves friend is actually that....no some will tell you they have your back as they stab you in it the moment you turn around, and this method of candle burning, works by sending out a net of magic that melts away these connections, cuts them free and sends everyone on their own way, without rancor or any kind of boomerang effect on you.....yes when doing any kind of magic you need to worry about that boomerang effect! if you don't it will teach you soon enough that you should have known what you send out you get back. The law of energy return is alive and well in the world of magic.
Now I have told people before and continue to tell them again that spell casting is not for every witch, nor should it be done by those that are inexperienced with the possible outcomes, spell casting is just simply that; not something that every witch should do, it is not something to be taken lightly. True magic and spell casting is something that should only be done with reverence and respect, yes I joke so many times on my page with memes that say things to the contrary, but they are jokes, not reality....those that reach out to me have had me tell them the same, spell casting is not to be taken lightly....BUT this method of utilizing the energies of the Dark Moon to cast out what does not serve is not exactly the same in my books. It is more the action of laying out a petition, candle magic is a much simpler way for witches to approach spell casting, learning to tap into their own magic and learning to work with the energies around them. As witches we already know we work with a lot of energies, whether for ourselves or others, in those workings we expose ourselves to so many other energies, and the Dark Moon cleansing rituals I speak of help us to realign and clear our own spiritual houses. So when is the best time to do this? well today July 1st is the Dark Moon stage, the New Moon rises at 3:16pm ET on July 2nd and until the Moon goes Void of Course at 2:48 am ET on July 2nd prior to the New stage, that is your window for the Dark Moon......every month the Dark Moon is the day directly prior to the New Stage, making sure not to work within the void of course stage, it is the best time to craft magic to clear, realign and sever those ties that no longer serve.
For me I have already prepared my candles....and yes it works if you don't have a black candle, but you have a white one, take a sharpie or some other marker and blacken it.....I have done it many many times! I personally use a porcupine quill now to inscribe but before I had one I would use a nail, I inscribe my words, I bless my candle at my altar, anoint it with whatever you feel you need for this working, some use Hyssop, Coconut oil, olive oil, or other conjure oils if you have access to them. Take your candle, set it away from your usual altar in a place of respect that it won't be disturbed....light it, say your incantation, or whatever words you have prepared for this, then spread a circle of sea salt around it....and let it burn. When this is done, and the candle has burned down to the end, make sure to take whatever is left and dispose of it, away from you, not near your home, safely and responsibly dispose of it. after all it would not make sense to keep the energy with you that you are trying to remove with the whole exercise would it?
As with all magics, depending on the size of the change you are trying to evoke, you may have to do this more than once, but in a world that is ever changing it would be naive of any witch to think that one candle would ever be enough to clear all the moving parts of something like poverty for example...but it works, like anything else in witchcraft it takes dedication, faith and your own energy applied...if you give it all that and are consistent with your effort, it will work and you will see the benefits of those black candles and like me you will come to love the Dark Moon Stage of the month and you many just revel in it a little bit like I am preparing to do today.
As always witches, I leave you with one bit of advice....always cast responsibly and remember to keep growing!
Blessed Be the Dark Moon!
Tess
28 June 2019
Mercury Rx, New Moon and a Solar Eclipse, and how to prepare
It is that time again....Mercury is going into retrograde, and we are now in the shadow period leading up to its full rx on July 7th..buckle up! I know it is something that there is much scorn for and debate as to how much this truly affects things but having watched for over 20 years I have to say yes it does affect things.....it comes back to my thoughts about the Moon, which can be easily applied to Mercury, the planets and their rotations affect the Oceans on this home of ours....how vain are we that are made up of water to think that they would not affect us? How vast is the Ocean and yet it surrenders its waves to the pull of the Moon, locked in a dance of ebb and flow. I know I feel it, and I watch those around me as they feel it as well....it is always the same as it leads up to the actual retrograde things start to get strained, people start to feel different and wonder about motives and situations just don't work....and yes things break down.....then as Mercury stops and stations to go direct all those things that have been stalled, seemingly gummed up in the works suddenly go forward and all confusion drops away.
It can be a very stressful time, for many of us we want to just avoid everyone, especially when we think they are being such assholes....but that is really not feasible....so what is the best way to weather this? I used to stumble through this cursing the existence of such a wretched time...people get ugly and mean! Then a few years ago, I was introduced to the concept of the energies of Mercury from another vantage point, the one of where it is time to put RE in front of everything that I did in this time frame. At first it seemed silly, to look at a whole section of time as a do over but it worked....I wish I could remember where I was introduced to it, or how but sadly some things Lyme has taken and parts of my memory are off somewhere else. Even so I sincerely thank them for teaching me to grow beyond it.
Sometimes the answers are so simple, but yet we miss them....in this time you should reevaluate, repair, redo, recreate, reorganize, relaunch, rebirth.....I am sure you get it at this point....there is more as well, of course it could not be just this simple, there is also a New Moon on the 2nd of July that will bring with it a total Solar Eclipse, granted this will only be visible to countries in South America it does not mean that the effect of this energy will not be felt throughout the world, because it will. Expect big things, sudden changes and wow moments that tend to accompany Eclipses. So in other words the next month or so will be a doozey for changes, upheavals and all manner of unexpected situations....how do you survive all this? You keep stepping forward, one day at a time, much like you do the rest of the time, difference being that now because you read this blog you have already chosen what your project for this retrograde will be...that way when the Eclipse come it can throw power behind your redo. I am sure you can find something that you want another chance with, or to sort out once and for all....just be careful its not an old relationship, because yes they do tend to come up during Mercury Retrogrades....old lovers seem to crawl out of the woodwork....it is up to you what you do with that, but it has been my experience that when people with history and old patterns go back it starts all over after the initial honeymoon phase....sometimes there has just been too much hurt to go back and have a redo on that....even though the planet is going backwards we should not be going backwards. Kind of a been there, done that, no fucking way I am going back retrograde....it is a much better time to put that to bed, revisit and let it go...move forward or at least prepare to when Mercury goes forward again.
I had to choose what my I was going to do with my Mercury Rx, and I decided this week to relaunch my shop on Etsy. I am so glad I did, it was another step in reclaiming the life I used to have until Lyme took it all. I still have a long way to go back to what it was before I became so ill I had to stop, but its a beginning and truthfully I have the most awesome patrons that welcomed me back so happily. For some it may appear to be nothing too grand to reopen an online shop, but for me it was a huge step in being responsible for what I put out there...it was a wonderful feeling to go and ship today, to watch all those white envelopes stamped one by one, the clerk at the post office smiled at me, she knows my story, she knows how long its been since I had orders to send out like that....now for the rest of the retrograde I am working on projects that I have left to the side for the shop for some time....twisted willow wands.....altars in a box......more of my wood burning and of course getting back to wrapping beautiful gemstones that call to me...and insist on how they should be wrapped....I am spending this retrograde reacquainting myself with my heart and soul and letting the Gods guide my hands once again.....you see for me crafting is more than just twisting wire....I use no tools except for one cutter and one broken pliers.....it is my connection to my heart, it is my meditation....it is my medicine for the world...each piece is a connection between my heart and the stone, it speaks, it guides and then the hands show its beauty exactly how the stone wants to be treated....the Gods they speak through the magic.....Witch's Chamber, Where Magic Meets Art, is not just a slogan, it is my truth....through Reiki and Ascension and my connection to the Gods each piece is infused with healing energy.....and for the first time in a very long time I am ready to share all that energy once again....and this, well, this excites me!
What will you find to be your redo? what can you relaunch in your life? Have a think on that, there is time but you best prepare, and then once you have it, wear it like a cloak and remember don't feed the trolls during this coming Rx, just stay within your own energy and understand not everyone prepared....but you did. Find your meditation and it will guide you through.
Blessings to you all
Tess
It can be a very stressful time, for many of us we want to just avoid everyone, especially when we think they are being such assholes....but that is really not feasible....so what is the best way to weather this? I used to stumble through this cursing the existence of such a wretched time...people get ugly and mean! Then a few years ago, I was introduced to the concept of the energies of Mercury from another vantage point, the one of where it is time to put RE in front of everything that I did in this time frame. At first it seemed silly, to look at a whole section of time as a do over but it worked....I wish I could remember where I was introduced to it, or how but sadly some things Lyme has taken and parts of my memory are off somewhere else. Even so I sincerely thank them for teaching me to grow beyond it.
Sometimes the answers are so simple, but yet we miss them....in this time you should reevaluate, repair, redo, recreate, reorganize, relaunch, rebirth.....I am sure you get it at this point....there is more as well, of course it could not be just this simple, there is also a New Moon on the 2nd of July that will bring with it a total Solar Eclipse, granted this will only be visible to countries in South America it does not mean that the effect of this energy will not be felt throughout the world, because it will. Expect big things, sudden changes and wow moments that tend to accompany Eclipses. So in other words the next month or so will be a doozey for changes, upheavals and all manner of unexpected situations....how do you survive all this? You keep stepping forward, one day at a time, much like you do the rest of the time, difference being that now because you read this blog you have already chosen what your project for this retrograde will be...that way when the Eclipse come it can throw power behind your redo. I am sure you can find something that you want another chance with, or to sort out once and for all....just be careful its not an old relationship, because yes they do tend to come up during Mercury Retrogrades....old lovers seem to crawl out of the woodwork....it is up to you what you do with that, but it has been my experience that when people with history and old patterns go back it starts all over after the initial honeymoon phase....sometimes there has just been too much hurt to go back and have a redo on that....even though the planet is going backwards we should not be going backwards. Kind of a been there, done that, no fucking way I am going back retrograde....it is a much better time to put that to bed, revisit and let it go...move forward or at least prepare to when Mercury goes forward again.
I had to choose what my I was going to do with my Mercury Rx, and I decided this week to relaunch my shop on Etsy. I am so glad I did, it was another step in reclaiming the life I used to have until Lyme took it all. I still have a long way to go back to what it was before I became so ill I had to stop, but its a beginning and truthfully I have the most awesome patrons that welcomed me back so happily. For some it may appear to be nothing too grand to reopen an online shop, but for me it was a huge step in being responsible for what I put out there...it was a wonderful feeling to go and ship today, to watch all those white envelopes stamped one by one, the clerk at the post office smiled at me, she knows my story, she knows how long its been since I had orders to send out like that....now for the rest of the retrograde I am working on projects that I have left to the side for the shop for some time....twisted willow wands.....altars in a box......more of my wood burning and of course getting back to wrapping beautiful gemstones that call to me...and insist on how they should be wrapped....I am spending this retrograde reacquainting myself with my heart and soul and letting the Gods guide my hands once again.....you see for me crafting is more than just twisting wire....I use no tools except for one cutter and one broken pliers.....it is my connection to my heart, it is my meditation....it is my medicine for the world...each piece is a connection between my heart and the stone, it speaks, it guides and then the hands show its beauty exactly how the stone wants to be treated....the Gods they speak through the magic.....Witch's Chamber, Where Magic Meets Art, is not just a slogan, it is my truth....through Reiki and Ascension and my connection to the Gods each piece is infused with healing energy.....and for the first time in a very long time I am ready to share all that energy once again....and this, well, this excites me!
What will you find to be your redo? what can you relaunch in your life? Have a think on that, there is time but you best prepare, and then once you have it, wear it like a cloak and remember don't feed the trolls during this coming Rx, just stay within your own energy and understand not everyone prepared....but you did. Find your meditation and it will guide you through.
Blessings to you all
Tess
25 June 2019
Big hips, thick thighs wrapped in Goodness
Today was a good day, so much so that this blog has been peculating all day, well actually it has been since the last one. I touched on my weight in the last one, but only in a passing sense....now its time to get deep into that, so expect this to to be one blog in a series of many....I dare say I am not the only person to have lived this life with a weight issue that is wholly misunderstood.....used against them....ever been made to feel worthless because of your weight? well I have too, and this blog is for all of us that have suffered those looks, comments and snickers from those that don't know us, but yet feel they could "fix" us if only we would listen to their dietary advice, after all they are only thinking of our health, right? NOT! if they were there would be no judgement, there would be acceptance, understanding and love....being critical of someone under the guise of concern is old, outdated and not acceptable in my world and it shouldn't be in yours either.
I think I must have been about 7 the first time I heard someone tell me I shouldn't eat something that it was simply going to attach to my hips and no one would ever want to marry me....now how awful is that to tell a young child that the way she looks might make her so unlovable that no one would want her based on her weight....I look back sometimes on pictures of that young girl, I never see an overweight child, just a child...all dark eyes, long hair and freckles...yes that was me, just a regular girl that would rather go fishing than knit or crochet....I could be seen running off on my bike on these dirt roads....jumping in the lake at 6am when everyone else was still sleeping, the calmness of the morning as the Sun was just finished rising and the quiet of it all, was like medicine for my soul, even as a child....I was searching even then, for a bit of peace in my own skin, and nature always provided the grounding I needed, and she still does.
My later teens and twenties are a blur of one diet or another, Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, NutriSystem and any others I could find, nothing ever really worked....not for any amount of real time and the rebound was always so much worse than where I started.....bear in mind that the worst of it started after Lyme took hold of me, even though I didn't know it.....then they thought it was Lupus, so the wonderful medication was steriods....things that they never tell you about steroids is you never get rid of what they put on you, well if you are me you don't.....still every so often when I manage to break the grip of this disease it all melts off, like magic....but lately no I am always fighting but not gaining ground, not losing it either so I am happy about that. The weight though it doesn't really matter to what kind of person I am inside....as I am sure it doesn't really matter for the type of person you are either....thin, fat, inbetween all of it makes no bearing on the type of person you are....beauty really does come from inside....but yet again I find myself sitting here writing another blog that points out this fact....and that is sad, time marches on but nothing changes.
I don't believe that when we are children our aspirations include this, I don't believe that anyone given the choice would say yes please make me fat...but for some of us that is the reality....we wake up daily, get ready for the world and yes we smile and think ok here goes another day....for me I never consider my fat, until someone makes me have to see it...when I look in the mirror I see me, I see my eyes, my face, and yes of course I see the rest of me, but it is simply who I am...and in truth I should not have to explain to anyone why I am the size I am.....it's as if I should walk around with a sign around my neck that says "I only eat Organic and gluten free....I eat balanced meals....I don't gorge myself....I eat probably less than you do....my body is this size because of the inflammation caused by Lyme Disease....really I don't need a nutritionist....had one, she told me she couldn't teach me anything I wasn't already doing" It gets tiresome....usually these moments happen once they can't figure out what else to say to me when they are trying to push me around, intimidate me or feel intimidated by me, mentioning my weight is their go to, like we are in kindergarten all over again....bonus points for the most callous asshole that thinks its ok to call you a fatty, a cow, or worse....remember the Universe is always listening and what you judge you will face. Like the woman that sat on my couch and told me my husband would leave me, I was too fat for him, he liked them thinner, like her.....um yea I don't think so.
I am a strong confident woman, I am a witch, I spend my days helping where I can, making magic and reaching for the stars....I don't stop doing any of that ever, but somedays I have to take a break to deal with some asshole who makes a nasty comment about me not needing that frozen yogurt....or some other nasty little snide remark about widening doorways.....when I was younger I used to say well I can always lose weight but you will still be ugly....sad but true...shaming people is not right...not for being overweight or underweight....shaming them for anything that is beyond their control is wrong and always will be....and no they should not have to justify to you why....it really is none of your fucking business....making them feel. inferior and ugly is truly unacceptable....no matter what your weight is, you should never feel that way, we as a society need to do better.....we need to see people for the energy they bring to the table, not what they put on their plate.
Is it possible? can we ever grow beyond these juvenile, patriachal views of each other? I sure as hell hope so because going backwards will help no one....and I believe us all having to wear name tags explaining all our issues, setbacks and hurdles is ridiculous and I am pretty sure mine would say something highly different than an explanation....more like a mission statement of what you could do with yourself...but then again I have been fighting this issue my whole life, from strangers and those close to me....at 50 I care about my own longevity, but I know I do all I can now...It is what it is.
It is what it is....it's not giving up to say that, its simply accepting that some things just don't work out the way you wanted, it doesn't mean there is no hope, it's just not there, and you are ok with that...and that is where I am....I am ok, I am letting go of expectations and I know the best will come for me....not that I won't run into more assholes, for fucks sake I live in a tourist town that people love to walk around in bathing suits all summer, not to mention the Big Uglies, that is a whole other blog! so I know I will get more of it...but I have hope that the right ones will see what shines from my eyes, not the size of my hips, to all the others Cheers! I raise my blueberry frozen yogurt to you! Have at it!
I think I must have been about 7 the first time I heard someone tell me I shouldn't eat something that it was simply going to attach to my hips and no one would ever want to marry me....now how awful is that to tell a young child that the way she looks might make her so unlovable that no one would want her based on her weight....I look back sometimes on pictures of that young girl, I never see an overweight child, just a child...all dark eyes, long hair and freckles...yes that was me, just a regular girl that would rather go fishing than knit or crochet....I could be seen running off on my bike on these dirt roads....jumping in the lake at 6am when everyone else was still sleeping, the calmness of the morning as the Sun was just finished rising and the quiet of it all, was like medicine for my soul, even as a child....I was searching even then, for a bit of peace in my own skin, and nature always provided the grounding I needed, and she still does.
My later teens and twenties are a blur of one diet or another, Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, NutriSystem and any others I could find, nothing ever really worked....not for any amount of real time and the rebound was always so much worse than where I started.....bear in mind that the worst of it started after Lyme took hold of me, even though I didn't know it.....then they thought it was Lupus, so the wonderful medication was steriods....things that they never tell you about steroids is you never get rid of what they put on you, well if you are me you don't.....still every so often when I manage to break the grip of this disease it all melts off, like magic....but lately no I am always fighting but not gaining ground, not losing it either so I am happy about that. The weight though it doesn't really matter to what kind of person I am inside....as I am sure it doesn't really matter for the type of person you are either....thin, fat, inbetween all of it makes no bearing on the type of person you are....beauty really does come from inside....but yet again I find myself sitting here writing another blog that points out this fact....and that is sad, time marches on but nothing changes.
I don't believe that when we are children our aspirations include this, I don't believe that anyone given the choice would say yes please make me fat...but for some of us that is the reality....we wake up daily, get ready for the world and yes we smile and think ok here goes another day....for me I never consider my fat, until someone makes me have to see it...when I look in the mirror I see me, I see my eyes, my face, and yes of course I see the rest of me, but it is simply who I am...and in truth I should not have to explain to anyone why I am the size I am.....it's as if I should walk around with a sign around my neck that says "I only eat Organic and gluten free....I eat balanced meals....I don't gorge myself....I eat probably less than you do....my body is this size because of the inflammation caused by Lyme Disease....really I don't need a nutritionist....had one, she told me she couldn't teach me anything I wasn't already doing" It gets tiresome....usually these moments happen once they can't figure out what else to say to me when they are trying to push me around, intimidate me or feel intimidated by me, mentioning my weight is their go to, like we are in kindergarten all over again....bonus points for the most callous asshole that thinks its ok to call you a fatty, a cow, or worse....remember the Universe is always listening and what you judge you will face. Like the woman that sat on my couch and told me my husband would leave me, I was too fat for him, he liked them thinner, like her.....um yea I don't think so.
I am a strong confident woman, I am a witch, I spend my days helping where I can, making magic and reaching for the stars....I don't stop doing any of that ever, but somedays I have to take a break to deal with some asshole who makes a nasty comment about me not needing that frozen yogurt....or some other nasty little snide remark about widening doorways.....when I was younger I used to say well I can always lose weight but you will still be ugly....sad but true...shaming people is not right...not for being overweight or underweight....shaming them for anything that is beyond their control is wrong and always will be....and no they should not have to justify to you why....it really is none of your fucking business....making them feel. inferior and ugly is truly unacceptable....no matter what your weight is, you should never feel that way, we as a society need to do better.....we need to see people for the energy they bring to the table, not what they put on their plate.
Is it possible? can we ever grow beyond these juvenile, patriachal views of each other? I sure as hell hope so because going backwards will help no one....and I believe us all having to wear name tags explaining all our issues, setbacks and hurdles is ridiculous and I am pretty sure mine would say something highly different than an explanation....more like a mission statement of what you could do with yourself...but then again I have been fighting this issue my whole life, from strangers and those close to me....at 50 I care about my own longevity, but I know I do all I can now...It is what it is.
It is what it is....it's not giving up to say that, its simply accepting that some things just don't work out the way you wanted, it doesn't mean there is no hope, it's just not there, and you are ok with that...and that is where I am....I am ok, I am letting go of expectations and I know the best will come for me....not that I won't run into more assholes, for fucks sake I live in a tourist town that people love to walk around in bathing suits all summer, not to mention the Big Uglies, that is a whole other blog! so I know I will get more of it...but I have hope that the right ones will see what shines from my eyes, not the size of my hips, to all the others Cheers! I raise my blueberry frozen yogurt to you! Have at it!
23 June 2019
And Another Layer Peels Away
For years I have told my kids and husband when you forget what you were going to get, or what you were doing go back to the place you first had the thought and you will instantly remember. I have always told them that thoughts get trapped in the energy of the place we have them. It is the same for memories, whether they be painful or happy, a place holds the power to trigger all manner of response in us. One such place for me is Ontario, the hard part of that is that I have lived the majority of my life here...I have loved here, and lost....my earliest memories are here, some that are amazing and others that well, I still struggle with, and I know the pain of them left deep scars...so deep that I have not even scratched the surface of that layer yet....but give me time I will get there!
It was about 2 years ago that I stopped sharing regularly on my blog, I stopped writing all together really...I have notebooks, if you know me then you have seen my stacks of them, lol, I seem to have a bit of a notebook addiction, well that and pens. I love pens. Anyway, I have all these notebooks that for years I have written in, yes many of my blogs have started in them, as well as random spells and other witchcraft related things....some things a witch just can't share. So for the last two years they have sat gathering dust, I have written the very rare bit here, or on my webpage, but pretty much keeping most of my writing to longer posts on the page but even those have of late become just photo shares....my voice it just seemed to be lost, unable to speak about my life, to share anything beyond the Lyme Disease struggle and some day to day things. Imagine what that was like for me, I have been writing since I was a child, back then on a rickety old manual typewriter, well cause it was cool! and for the last two years I felt stifled....stuck in my head...stuck in the memories of pain in this place, all gummed up with lyme bugs that fed the need to make myself small....invisible....coming out only when it was to stand up for someone else....but not for me.....all I wanted was to just keep functioning, keep going another day, not think of what and where my mind was wandering to.
Of course all this time without writing, it gave me much time to think of all I have lived, to see the connections I missed before, of course there was time in there for me to admonish myself for not having seen it sooner....we are always our harshest critics, after all.....triggers were everywhere, not surprisingly....I had lived here for so many years wanting to leave here, that when I did finally go I felt free and able to be me, without fear....I don't know if it was being near the Ocean and Yemaya, or if the salt air is really better for Lymies but for me New Brunswick brought out the best in me, maybe it was the fact that there were no triggers there.....but I cannot cut myself in two and live there and still be here near my babies, so I am here.....truthfully I thought I could handle it and having been gone for five years, I missed them so much I could not imagine another day without them....especially when we almost lost our daughter the night our granddaughter was born....if ever a mother needed a wake up call of not wanting to be so far away, it was then....to my husbands credit, there was no argument, he felt the same way and could not imagine leaving again.......I thought I could handle it....I would be fine....even concrete breaks.
It happened slowly, so slowly I didn't notice at first.....my health went first and the lyme treatment began....something I will have to do for the rest of my life, and that was one thing that it took me some time to get my head around....the lack of support, both emotional, social and financial, well you just don't really get it till you get it...and then still you could be ignorant enough to not get it in others....it happens....for me, I had to keep going, there are people that rely on me...so like a good soldier I marched on...I didn't have enough energy to always craft things, well that meant my shop suffered, until finally I put it on vacation for almost two years! might seem trivial but I worked so hard to pull us out of poverty with my shop and it was rocking....It pushed me deeper in my shell...I filled my days doing for others and lived for the nights to get that quiet, private space....that place where I could just be. Here I was once again, living in the place of the worst of the memories in my life....of pain...of rape...of domestic violence...anger....I went and dropped myself right smack dab in the middle of every C-PTSD trigger I have! and expected that no it would not get to me at all. Not really one of my finer thoughts, now I shake my head and wonder why I didn't try to prepare myself for this.....best I have is that the lyme really did fuck with my brain.
So where does all this leave me now? well I am more aware of my triggers, including the geographical ones....I am working on letting that go and rather looking at the fact that each trigger is not really associated with the land, but rather the persons that caused the initial trauma....sounds simple, trust me it so is not! but its a process and I am ok with that....for now I am looking all those demons in the face and taking them out to dance, while I air it all out and literally get all that fucken crap out of my head, I felt it was time to reintroduce myself with my new revelations from this last trip down into the cracked cauldron, and the writing in my books has started again, so there will be many more new blogs coming!
Back to the beginning we go! Hello! My name is Tess, I adopted the name as a short form of a name that I never felt comfortable with and just did not feel like it belonged to me.....you see I was called something else for the first 18 months of my life, my middle name....so I never felt like that was me after that.....so Tess it is! I am a survivor, of many things, the least of which is NOT lyme and its co infections....I fight to keep going, and I get stronger daily....magic is everywhere, we simply have to reach out and it will light the way....I have been a witch in this lifetime since I took my first breath, and in many lifetimes before....I have fought with my weight for so many years, somehow it always seemed to matter to others more than it did to me, now at 50 I am who I am, fat and all, and I am ok with that...it doesn't mean I give up on it; it means I am not attached to any particular outcome....I have lived, loved and died already on this Earth and I am still here to write this today....for the first time in a very long time I am excited about the future, I believe in today....in this moment, I turned some corner I could not even see before I turned it....but yet from this vantage point it's as if I can see so much over the last 50 years that now makes sense, my eyes see answers to those questions I asked myself in my lowest moments....it really is amazing how much guilt we can carry, hidden in those caverns of our souls....no I am not where I thought I would be at this point in my life, I accept that and know I deserve better.....now it's time to do that once again, start the process of taking my life back, living even more authentically to feed my heart......and to write....lots more....
For those that wish I extend my hand and invite you to continue with me on this magical journey within the Witch's Chamber.
Many Blessing of Solstice to you all! My magic tonight is simple and powerful.
I call all of my power back to me
As I wish so Mote it be
Tess
It was about 2 years ago that I stopped sharing regularly on my blog, I stopped writing all together really...I have notebooks, if you know me then you have seen my stacks of them, lol, I seem to have a bit of a notebook addiction, well that and pens. I love pens. Anyway, I have all these notebooks that for years I have written in, yes many of my blogs have started in them, as well as random spells and other witchcraft related things....some things a witch just can't share. So for the last two years they have sat gathering dust, I have written the very rare bit here, or on my webpage, but pretty much keeping most of my writing to longer posts on the page but even those have of late become just photo shares....my voice it just seemed to be lost, unable to speak about my life, to share anything beyond the Lyme Disease struggle and some day to day things. Imagine what that was like for me, I have been writing since I was a child, back then on a rickety old manual typewriter, well cause it was cool! and for the last two years I felt stifled....stuck in my head...stuck in the memories of pain in this place, all gummed up with lyme bugs that fed the need to make myself small....invisible....coming out only when it was to stand up for someone else....but not for me.....all I wanted was to just keep functioning, keep going another day, not think of what and where my mind was wandering to.
Of course all this time without writing, it gave me much time to think of all I have lived, to see the connections I missed before, of course there was time in there for me to admonish myself for not having seen it sooner....we are always our harshest critics, after all.....triggers were everywhere, not surprisingly....I had lived here for so many years wanting to leave here, that when I did finally go I felt free and able to be me, without fear....I don't know if it was being near the Ocean and Yemaya, or if the salt air is really better for Lymies but for me New Brunswick brought out the best in me, maybe it was the fact that there were no triggers there.....but I cannot cut myself in two and live there and still be here near my babies, so I am here.....truthfully I thought I could handle it and having been gone for five years, I missed them so much I could not imagine another day without them....especially when we almost lost our daughter the night our granddaughter was born....if ever a mother needed a wake up call of not wanting to be so far away, it was then....to my husbands credit, there was no argument, he felt the same way and could not imagine leaving again.......I thought I could handle it....I would be fine....even concrete breaks.
It happened slowly, so slowly I didn't notice at first.....my health went first and the lyme treatment began....something I will have to do for the rest of my life, and that was one thing that it took me some time to get my head around....the lack of support, both emotional, social and financial, well you just don't really get it till you get it...and then still you could be ignorant enough to not get it in others....it happens....for me, I had to keep going, there are people that rely on me...so like a good soldier I marched on...I didn't have enough energy to always craft things, well that meant my shop suffered, until finally I put it on vacation for almost two years! might seem trivial but I worked so hard to pull us out of poverty with my shop and it was rocking....It pushed me deeper in my shell...I filled my days doing for others and lived for the nights to get that quiet, private space....that place where I could just be. Here I was once again, living in the place of the worst of the memories in my life....of pain...of rape...of domestic violence...anger....I went and dropped myself right smack dab in the middle of every C-PTSD trigger I have! and expected that no it would not get to me at all. Not really one of my finer thoughts, now I shake my head and wonder why I didn't try to prepare myself for this.....best I have is that the lyme really did fuck with my brain.
So where does all this leave me now? well I am more aware of my triggers, including the geographical ones....I am working on letting that go and rather looking at the fact that each trigger is not really associated with the land, but rather the persons that caused the initial trauma....sounds simple, trust me it so is not! but its a process and I am ok with that....for now I am looking all those demons in the face and taking them out to dance, while I air it all out and literally get all that fucken crap out of my head, I felt it was time to reintroduce myself with my new revelations from this last trip down into the cracked cauldron, and the writing in my books has started again, so there will be many more new blogs coming!
Back to the beginning we go! Hello! My name is Tess, I adopted the name as a short form of a name that I never felt comfortable with and just did not feel like it belonged to me.....you see I was called something else for the first 18 months of my life, my middle name....so I never felt like that was me after that.....so Tess it is! I am a survivor, of many things, the least of which is NOT lyme and its co infections....I fight to keep going, and I get stronger daily....magic is everywhere, we simply have to reach out and it will light the way....I have been a witch in this lifetime since I took my first breath, and in many lifetimes before....I have fought with my weight for so many years, somehow it always seemed to matter to others more than it did to me, now at 50 I am who I am, fat and all, and I am ok with that...it doesn't mean I give up on it; it means I am not attached to any particular outcome....I have lived, loved and died already on this Earth and I am still here to write this today....for the first time in a very long time I am excited about the future, I believe in today....in this moment, I turned some corner I could not even see before I turned it....but yet from this vantage point it's as if I can see so much over the last 50 years that now makes sense, my eyes see answers to those questions I asked myself in my lowest moments....it really is amazing how much guilt we can carry, hidden in those caverns of our souls....no I am not where I thought I would be at this point in my life, I accept that and know I deserve better.....now it's time to do that once again, start the process of taking my life back, living even more authentically to feed my heart......and to write....lots more....
For those that wish I extend my hand and invite you to continue with me on this magical journey within the Witch's Chamber.
Many Blessing of Solstice to you all! My magic tonight is simple and powerful.
I call all of my power back to me
As I wish so Mote it be
Tess
20 June 2019
A Witch's Review ~ Pretty Litter yay? or nay?
Now I have been discussing doing reviews here on the blog for a while, and yes I have a few lined up for the next little bit but I really felt this being Witch's Chamber the first blog should be one that affects my closest companion, my familiar....Voods and his brother Hades....so here we are with Pretty Litter.
I first heard or read about it as the case may be on Facebook of course, like so many more of us have I am sure! Of course I am always skeptical of all the things I see on social media advertising, because in reality if everything were true I wouldn't have a pile of hair wax over there that stinks to high heaven, no of course that would have been good stuff and I would have been enjoying different color hair by now! but alright, I am totally getting off topic. Pretty Litter, yes I saw it on Facebook, no I did not believe the hype, but I was hopeful. Being the mom to two very difficult and picky furry boys, who are constantly trying to outdo each other even though they love each other to bits and are fully bonded, still the litter area was always a problem. No matter how much we scooped the clay litter, there was still issues, to the point that I resorted to putting down large washable puppy pads under the boxes. Still the smell and the amount of work to wash the pads was too much for me. My health and the amount of responsibilities I already have daily made this a huge problem for me, and this is why I was willing to try Pretty Litter. I needed something that would solve my issue of the feuding kitty brothers.
My first consideration was that being that I am in Canada, the cost is a little high for a months worth of litter, but the home delivery part of it was a plus. So I discussed it with my old guy and we both agreed that if it worked for the boys it would be worth it, that being said I went on the site to place my order. That was the simple part, it is pretty straight forward to begin, you create an account and then choose how many cats you have and it guides you to the package you need, or so I thought at the time. After ordering, it is a pretty quick turn around and your litter arrives, as pictured above.
We happily filled our litter box to just over 2", as the card that came with recommended, and took away all puppy pads, trays or any other form of floor saving devices we may have used before and magically we even took away one litter box and it was wonderful! No smells! No messes! and my feuding boys were fine! The litter area became an area no one even realized existed, which in a two bedroom living space is a very good thing! This continued for the entire first week, we scooped it daily as directed, another wonderful part of the litter is that it makes that part of the exercise so much easier than clay litter! The second week began and we started to have issues with the litter smelling a little, so I raked it well when scooping and found that it was clumping at the bottom of the box. It seems that the litter that tracked out in the two weeks had caused it go below their 2" mark, who knew it was so important! So after 2 weeks here we were back at square one! but worse because the cats were even more upset!
Onto Pretty Litter Chat I went, to their credit their customer service was quick to respond and very helpful. It was explained that because my litter box is large I required the larger pack of litter, the 6lb bags as opposed to the one I had gotten.....doh! If I had seen the option I would have naturally gone with that because of course I knew I had a large litter box....ok then onto ordering the new size right away as now things had reached a smelly pitch here! I have to say that although they were attentive and responsive to getting me the new litter, there was no offer of discounts or any apology for the lack of information at the beginning. Still I ordered, I also ordered an extra bag of litter to have here in case I needed to replace litter through the month, considering that everyday they track it out. Once again my order was quick, expensive but quick.....the disappointing part was when I opened it and found that my extra bag had not come with it, although the label, the packing slip and my receipt all showed it, there was no third bag of litter. Once again back to chat I had to go, and then I waited....the response when they thought I was canceling my membership was almost instant, but when I was missing something it was the next day before they contacted me, after I sent photos they issued a bag of litter to be sent out to me, of course at no charge since I had already paid for it.
All in all my review of Pretty Litter is two fold, there is the actual litter and then there is the customer service aspect of it. The litter itself is good, it works well to keep odours out of the exercise, the cats seem to like it much more than clay, and the scooping and clean up of the box itself is very easy to do even for someone like me with a bum arm. The one draw back would be that it does track out of the litter box more than the clay litter did, that kind of drives me a little batty but its tolerable for all the other benefits. The other part of the review is their customer service; something that invariably you will have to deal with at some point, I have mixed feelings about them. I feel they are respectful but they do not really take responsibility for the lack of information on their site and being in customer service myself I would have expected more information or compensation for the lack of it, once I was having to more than double my order in the first month because the option of larger bags was not presented to me at the get go.
For now we have decided to give it another months try, BUT I am at the same time looking at other crystal litter options, in case we have more delivery issues. Sometimes even though the product is worthy, dealing with customer service becomes the deciding factor.
May the Litter be good to you!
I first heard or read about it as the case may be on Facebook of course, like so many more of us have I am sure! Of course I am always skeptical of all the things I see on social media advertising, because in reality if everything were true I wouldn't have a pile of hair wax over there that stinks to high heaven, no of course that would have been good stuff and I would have been enjoying different color hair by now! but alright, I am totally getting off topic. Pretty Litter, yes I saw it on Facebook, no I did not believe the hype, but I was hopeful. Being the mom to two very difficult and picky furry boys, who are constantly trying to outdo each other even though they love each other to bits and are fully bonded, still the litter area was always a problem. No matter how much we scooped the clay litter, there was still issues, to the point that I resorted to putting down large washable puppy pads under the boxes. Still the smell and the amount of work to wash the pads was too much for me. My health and the amount of responsibilities I already have daily made this a huge problem for me, and this is why I was willing to try Pretty Litter. I needed something that would solve my issue of the feuding kitty brothers.
We happily filled our litter box to just over 2", as the card that came with recommended, and took away all puppy pads, trays or any other form of floor saving devices we may have used before and magically we even took away one litter box and it was wonderful! No smells! No messes! and my feuding boys were fine! The litter area became an area no one even realized existed, which in a two bedroom living space is a very good thing! This continued for the entire first week, we scooped it daily as directed, another wonderful part of the litter is that it makes that part of the exercise so much easier than clay litter! The second week began and we started to have issues with the litter smelling a little, so I raked it well when scooping and found that it was clumping at the bottom of the box. It seems that the litter that tracked out in the two weeks had caused it go below their 2" mark, who knew it was so important! So after 2 weeks here we were back at square one! but worse because the cats were even more upset!
Onto Pretty Litter Chat I went, to their credit their customer service was quick to respond and very helpful. It was explained that because my litter box is large I required the larger pack of litter, the 6lb bags as opposed to the one I had gotten.....doh! If I had seen the option I would have naturally gone with that because of course I knew I had a large litter box....ok then onto ordering the new size right away as now things had reached a smelly pitch here! I have to say that although they were attentive and responsive to getting me the new litter, there was no offer of discounts or any apology for the lack of information at the beginning. Still I ordered, I also ordered an extra bag of litter to have here in case I needed to replace litter through the month, considering that everyday they track it out. Once again my order was quick, expensive but quick.....the disappointing part was when I opened it and found that my extra bag had not come with it, although the label, the packing slip and my receipt all showed it, there was no third bag of litter. Once again back to chat I had to go, and then I waited....the response when they thought I was canceling my membership was almost instant, but when I was missing something it was the next day before they contacted me, after I sent photos they issued a bag of litter to be sent out to me, of course at no charge since I had already paid for it.
All in all my review of Pretty Litter is two fold, there is the actual litter and then there is the customer service aspect of it. The litter itself is good, it works well to keep odours out of the exercise, the cats seem to like it much more than clay, and the scooping and clean up of the box itself is very easy to do even for someone like me with a bum arm. The one draw back would be that it does track out of the litter box more than the clay litter did, that kind of drives me a little batty but its tolerable for all the other benefits. The other part of the review is their customer service; something that invariably you will have to deal with at some point, I have mixed feelings about them. I feel they are respectful but they do not really take responsibility for the lack of information on their site and being in customer service myself I would have expected more information or compensation for the lack of it, once I was having to more than double my order in the first month because the option of larger bags was not presented to me at the get go.
For now we have decided to give it another months try, BUT I am at the same time looking at other crystal litter options, in case we have more delivery issues. Sometimes even though the product is worthy, dealing with customer service becomes the deciding factor.
May the Litter be good to you!
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